can't sleep
i can't seem to fall asleep. i have been laying in bed for a while now but i can't fall asleep. every time i feel like i am falling asleep i seem to start thinking again about something and then i can't sleep b/c its on my mind again. being home has gotten a little better i think. my grandmother came in today-finally-after missing her flight on wed and us having to spend four and a half hours at the airport for her to go through customs and everything and the fact that four or five planes all landed at the same time didn't help the situation at all. i have also been up since 630 friday morning and i am extremely exhausted. chad and i are doing GREAT. i really like him, but i am scared of some things that come up in this relationship. like for instance the fact that he is hundreds of miles away from me, his ex-girlfriend calling him last night between 1130 and midnight while we were on the phone-he didn't pick up though- but he did call around 430 this morning to talk to me-it made me feel he was guilty about something, but i don't know. i know i can trust him but i sometimes doubt it. i can't explain this feeling besides the fact that he is HUNDREDS OF MILES AWAY!!!!!!!!!! im extremely excited he is coming next sunday!!! i miss him terribly. he is one of the best things for me right now so i am VERY nervous when it comes to us. he refers to me as his girlfriend and i refer to him as my boyfriend but we never really said anything about that, at least nothing spoken spoken, it is more of an understanding that we are. this confuses me, because i have never really been in a relationship and i don't know how to react to some things. my mom is still giving me a hard time when it comes to him. it makes me really mad that she is like that. he is a great guy and i really like him so i wish she could just give him a chance. its really weird because i feel like i have already fallen for him within the last two weeks!! it feels like we have known each other longer than that but when it comes down to it we have only known each other for two weeks. but then again there is no set time or date on when u can and cannot fall in love with someone. i can't go a day without talking to him. i don't think that an hour goes by without me thinking about him at least seven times. i love having someone there for me especially someone that understands me and stuff. the only thing i wish is that i could see him more often but of course that can't happen because he is in oklahoma and i am here in houston for now-in august i go back to san antonio!! he goes to san antonio at least once a month b/c his best friend-jerry, who is also one of my good friends-thats how chad and i met-lives in san antonio, so it will make it easier for me to see him and be with him. i HATE long distance relationships but i really want this one to work out. i REALLY want to give him a chance. he is a really a great guy and he deserves one. my mother of course doesn't think he is worth anything because she doesn't think that he is good enough for me, but then again no one is every good enough for me according to my mother. so i just have to ignore her and be like ok mom whatever. last night i had a dream about him and in my dream he leaned in to kiss me and as he leans in my phone rings and it is him calling because he was thinking about me and coudln't sleep. i thought that was the sweetest thing!!
he has been running late to work for the past three days so last night he told me that he wanted to wake up at 10 to pay some bills and then go to work at two till one in the morning so i was like ok i will call u at ten to make sure that u are awake for work and everything and he said yes do that. so i called this morning but i got his voicemail. i called at 11 same thing happened. i called at 1230 and the same thing happened again. then at 2 i called and it went to voicemail, so i am HOPING AGAINST ALL HOPE that he made it in time to work today so he doens't get in trouble for being late to work yet another day this week. i don't want him to get in trouble because then God only knows what they will do to him for being late.... oh gosh i would hate to think of such a thing.
ok well now i am starting to fall asleep again, so i will try to do that...if not i will be back to vent some more!
he has been running late to work for the past three days so last night he told me that he wanted to wake up at 10 to pay some bills and then go to work at two till one in the morning so i was like ok i will call u at ten to make sure that u are awake for work and everything and he said yes do that. so i called this morning but i got his voicemail. i called at 11 same thing happened. i called at 1230 and the same thing happened again. then at 2 i called and it went to voicemail, so i am HOPING AGAINST ALL HOPE that he made it in time to work today so he doens't get in trouble for being late to work yet another day this week. i don't want him to get in trouble because then God only knows what they will do to him for being late.... oh gosh i would hate to think of such a thing.
ok well now i am starting to fall asleep again, so i will try to do that...if not i will be back to vent some more!