[for dick]

[pretty_canary]

(continued from here.)

The walk out to the middle of nowhere was incredibly tense, and nothing Dick said during the trip had helped ease her panic. Not in the slightest. She might not be quite so ready to punch someone, but the fear is practically choking her and she just needs to find out for sure already. If he's right, and her cry is gone...

Comments

[pretty_canary]

Good. He's doing what she says without a fight. Nodding at him once, she turns her back and dismisses him from her mind for the moment. Her heart is pounding in her chest in a way that's so foreign to her. This isn't the thrill of a fight, or even the fear that comes from being outnumbered or from facing down a superior enemy. This is primal and horrible and she feels like a little girl again, afraid of a monster in her closet. Her whole body is shaking ever so slightly and she can only hope it's slight enough that Dick doesn't notice it because the idea of looking that weak in front of him makes her want to puke. Especially now.

She takes a deep breath and tries to steady herself enough to do this. Putting it off isn't going to change a single thing. So, she opens her mouth and screams. Screams as loud as she can. The kind of cry that would shatter buildings -- that would kill. And nothing happens. Her hands fly to her throat as no sound comes out but she keeps trying, willing something to happen until she falls to her knees from the strain of it. She gasps in shock and horror and can feel the wetness on her cheeks.

[cantstopmoving]

The first four seconds tick by, an eternity, her face going from angry, to scared, to sheer terror. She doesn't give up, but keeps screaming, trying to force the cry to work until it seems she's going to turn herself inside out.

Dropping his hands, he steps forward, before her knees start to crumple. The tears on her cheeks are all the summons he needs, even if she doesn't feel them yet. He's there when she hits the ground, catching her around the waist and behind her head to pull her in to his chest.

Dinah's never been the cry it out type that he knows of, but he can't be anyone but Dick. He can't fix this - and his fury over it balls his fist briefly at her lower back before it flattens out again to soothe and smooth. So he offers warmth, safety, shelter and something solid to shove at, scream at, strike until she wears himself out.

There's only one thing to say: "I've got you."

[pretty_canary]

Her whole body is shaking, fine tremors that she barely feels over the shock of it all. She's so angry. She'd give anything for there to be someone responsible for this, an enemy that she could fight, someone to blame. But if Dick's right then there's nothing. Just the island.

His arms around her feel like the only thing in the universe keeping her from flying apart and even if part of her wants to push him away, she doesn't. Not when she feels so lost. Her breathing is so fast and so shallow she runs the risk of hyperventaliting but she doesn't notice that any more than she notices the tears. She's too hollow to care. So she grips the arms around her waste hard enough to bruise and just holds on.

[cantstopmoving]

She might not be their Dinah, but it makes no difference with her trembling in his arms, panting fast and shallow like a scared rabbit. "Breathe, Canary," he urges, soft and quiet by her ear, deliberately using her code to reinforce she is still who she was before.

He can't tell her it will be okay, or she's okay, or not to cry. When it happened at home, it nearly destroyed her. Even without knowing that, he and Tim struggle enough with the way the island's stripped them of the purpose of being what they are that he won't try to minimize it either.

Instead, he holds her hard and tight enough that she won't break and if she does, he's got the pieces. "Come on, Dinah, breathe through it."

[pretty_canary]

Her mind is racing, trying to make sense of what's happening, but the thoughts just keep chasing each other around until she feels like lashing out at something -- anything to make it all stop. But Dick's arms are holding her tight and no matter how desperate she feels she doesn't want to fight him. Not now and not ever. So she just keeps swallowing down the rage until she feels like she could choke on it.

"How? How is this possible?" Her voice is scratchy and harsh in her ears, her throat still sore and painful from trying to force her cry out. She can't wait for him to answer her, though, because she's suddenly overcome with nausea and she pushes him away with all of her strength. She barely makes it a few feet before she's on her hands and knees violently retching.

[yo_oncearobin]

As soon as she pushes away, he falls back, rolling over his head to come to his feet. He sets for a fight but she's not attacking or running, and the answers she's asking for wouldn't help with what she's feeling even if he had them.

When she sinks to her knees, he's there again, gathering her hair behind her neck. There's nothing he can say to make this better. All he can do is be here.

[pretty_canary]

It feels like she's being hollowed out, like there's nothing left inside of her at all. She gags until she can barely breathe. She can feel him behind her, trying to comfort her, and she's both horrifically embarrassed and overwhelming grateful not to be alone. Dinah has never been the kind of woman to seek out physically comfort, but she doesn't feel much like herself at the moment.

At least that's what she tells herself when she turns around and clings to him. Her face is burning with shame, but she doesn't let go, instead burying it against his shoulder. "I'm so tired, Dick. I just want to sleep."

[cantstopmoving]

If not for Tim... if she were anyone but Babs' best friend, and Roy's...just Roy's.... She doesn't know him, but Dinah's Roy's and Babs's the same way Tim's his. Whatever he feels - compassion, friendship, protectiveness - he can't take her to bed.

"I've got you," he murmurs against her hair, easing down to the ground again, where he can sit and she can lean into him for awhile. He wants to tell her it'll be okay but the words won't make it true, so he tangles his fingers in that mass of blonde hair (as thick and silky as he's ever imagined) and holds her against him.