Bipolar

[pretty_bug01]

Sometimes I hate being bipolar. Most of the time it's just a fact of my life. I take my medications at night, and all is good. I can deal if I'm off it for a few days, but I need to take it. Nothing is going to change the fact that I am and that's OK. I can deal with that fact. But sometimes, like today it just got to me. My doctor put me on

Comments

[hachadurian]

I'm just saying. You're listening to the song but you're not really *listening* to the song, if you get my drift. If nothing else, you're definitely not understanding the lyrics. We've had this talk over and over and over again. My response has never changed. For that matter, God's response has never changed. You have never changed. Why do you think you're still in the same boat? If this was a Lifetime movie or on Springer, you'd be that girl everyone in the audience would be yelling at because you just can't get it through your head that you need to move on. You know the type. "But you guys don't understand, I love him and he loves me -- even though he's slept with other women and we don't have any core things in common -- not to mention the fact that he's cheated on me in the past." The audience would yell back "What's the point? Move on!" and you'd respond "But....you don't understand, sure we've got nothing in common and we can't have anything more than a strictly superficial relationship -- nothing more than sex -- and even then he can sleep with other people and I can't...but...but...you don't understand!"

You *want* this one thing -- so much so that you're sacrificing everything else in order to achieve it. You're being like that two year old in the store who really, really wants the sugar coated cereal -- you're on the floor throwing the worst kind of tantrum and your dad is telling you "no" and you are still throwing the tantrum. God isn't going to say "yes" just because you try and bargain with Him while throwing a tantrum. God doesn't need anything you can give Him -- and He only wants what you freely give -- so bargaining is useless. Stop being that spoiled child and grow up! You can blame it on whatever you want -- bipolar disorder, the fate of the world, just how screwed up and horrible you think your life is -- but the fact of the matter is you're being selfish and spoiled and you need to stop throwing tantrums and get on with your life -- no one wants to be near/deal with that kid throwing the tantrum in the store and no one wants to be near/deal with the person throwing the spiritual tantrum for the same reason. You can keep throwing it up in God's face if you want, but He's never going to change His mind unless He wants to, not for anything you can dish out at Him. Suck it up and be mad -- I promise when you finally do you'll come out the other side a little huffy but all the better.

Seriously. It's to the point now were you're replacing God/Christ with Mack. And I really can't believe that you'd fall right into the same pit so soon after Jamal(or whatever his face is). It's like you realized that you'd be a home wrecker with him, so that was enough to scare you away but the fact that God Almighty told you not to isn't. You'd hate to have other people see you as a home wrecker but you could care less what God thinks. So you move on -- the EXACT same issue, I might add -- and throw it all on Mack -- who you haven't talked about or mentioned for YEARS until all of the sudden. Why can't you see that? And the worst part is -- you know all of this is true. Every single bit of it. But I guarantee that as you read this (if you read it at all), you're throwing up walls and fences to try and persuade your conscience into thinking it's not true. And that nagging feeling that you have right now? That's your conscience confirming what I'm saying. Sure, *you* might "feel it in your bones" that's it's true but your heart and conscience are screaming otherwise. Why don't you stop listening to your libido for once and pay attention to what God's telling you?