Love in a time of war is not fair.
My attempt to try and shed some light on the mystery that is these characters left me with such a weird feeling. I don't think i've ever felt that way about my own writing.. It was so weird. The more and more I delve into this light and darkness stuff the more it starts to feel... real...
Anyway, what I wrote today:
"So did you feel it?" Hero asked me. Her voice was low and deep, her eyes were filled with hunger.
"Feel what?"
"Pure light being infused into you. She used it on you, didn't she? It feels good, doesn't it?"
"I don't know - "
"Of course not, you probably feel it all the time." She folded her arms, eyes not concentrated on me anymore. Her face seemed to relax like death. She was watching Andvari, who was breathing heavily, sitting on the floor, with this empty stare. Her face was slightly diverted from where she was actually looking, like always. Suppose she never really has to look at anything though, when she can see everything at once.
"I thought it would be nice," Hero spoke quietly again in her scratchy voice, still not looking at me, "to have one on my side. Sometimes I wonder, though, what I got myself into."
"What do you mean?"
"They were right about her. Something is not right... She can be a lot of trouble, more than she's worth. I can't say I know why or what it is."
"Maybe we can figure that out when we get out of here..."
"I would have left her a long time ago if she wasn't keeping me alive. Now I guess you could say we're friends. I don't know, I never really had any."
"Keeping you alive? Does that have something to do with that... thing...?"
She leaned her head slightly back and let it roll a little to the side. "It's a living shadow, you could say. See, whenever you cross into shadow it acts something like a piece of glass - it shatteres. When you emerge from it, it sort of breaks off of you, drips, like water... Well, it's really like your soul is being consumed, but it's a little complicated to describe. Eventually you just have to release it."
"Why go to all the trouble, Hero?"
"Why not? I got her, I can. Plus I believe it has other benefits aside from stealth..." she walked towards Andvari now, leaving me to wonder what the hell she meant.
Such a strange person she is, really, I think as I sit on the ruined bench. I lean my head against the wall and watch her from the corner of my eye. She seems incredibly mixed up. Doesn't know exactly who to trust. I think she believes she knows exactly what she's doing, but it's such a dangerous business.
And why reveal such details to me? Is she truely a person who believes that you only live once and it doesn't matter after that?
She kneels next to Andvari and touches her shoulder, whispering something to her. I can't hear Hero, but again, I seem to get a faint whisper of Andvari's voice in my head. "I'm just tired..."
Hero looked around, behind her and finds that shard of light Andvari always carries around. She forces her to hold on to it. Now she reaches her arms around Andvari and adjusts her blindfold for her.
"Can't we wait?" she says as she grabs Hero's upper arm. For once, they stare directly at each other.
It all makes no sense to me. One second Hero is telling me how gladly she's drop Andvari, yet looking at her seems to be the only thing that makes her smile.
I suppose this is the moment I could realize what her true intentions are. Her happiness is really to extract every ounch of power out of Andvari's soul and test it for herself. Try to stretch and reach the true boundaries of life. What would happen if shadow and light were combined, I can only imagine. But i think Andvari already holds the key to that. Something happened when she was born.
I believe it was shadow. The details beyond that, I don't know, but I believe the source of all this trouble is actually Hero herself, or whoever taught her how to attune to shadow.
I'm wondering what her intentions are now. Andvari seems to trust her and that should have some merit, but I think her desires are to only use every person she can.
I wonder this because something unusual happens between them at this moment as I sit watching.
And, well you can guess what that is >< I don't feel like writing it.
In other news, Starbucks now owns my soul. They make a really, really, really good soy mocha. /sigh
Dammit, NEVER sell your soul, kids! No matter how good it is >< I think i've sold my soul twice this week, alone, and once a few years ago. I don't remember why.
Anyway, it's not worth it...
Wish every day was like the summer drives to Starbucks.
But everything is making me so angry lately. I just can't handle it. I don't know what it is about it, but frustration just takes a hold of me and drives me to oblivion unless I drop everything and try to focus my mind on something else.
It's so hard to get anything done when that happens. You can't plan anything around frustration..
You can't plan anything around my life. It's beginning to be more than it's worth.
So for some reason, plugging in my iPod my nearly gave me a panic attack. Let me explain... It made iTunes crash. It pretty much fucked my computer. I have no idea why.. But I couldn't even close iTunes, so I had to force it to close. Then i tried to restart it, and it wouldn't. So I had to restart, and it took like 20 minutes to close down everything.. and, actually it didn't even turn off on it's own. I had to turn it off.
Then I turned the power back on, and it wouldn't even restart. I had to go into the set up menu, then exit out of that, and it would finish it's restart routine.
Then none of the start up programs were working.. iTunes was still fucked as well.. It downloaded a new iTunes,s till didn't recognize my iPod. My iPod is meanwhile not functioning at all. My other computer won't recognize it either.
At first, this new iTunes wouldn't play ANYTHING. but now it appears to be working :\ has managed to recognize my old iPod.
Ugh.. if my NEW IPOD is broken because of their sucky programming, i'm seriously going to kill someone.
I just can't take it anymore.
Stress of any kind just destroys me.
I can't stand it.
Anyway, what I wrote today:
"So did you feel it?" Hero asked me. Her voice was low and deep, her eyes were filled with hunger.
"Feel what?"
"Pure light being infused into you. She used it on you, didn't she? It feels good, doesn't it?"
"I don't know - "
"Of course not, you probably feel it all the time." She folded her arms, eyes not concentrated on me anymore. Her face seemed to relax like death. She was watching Andvari, who was breathing heavily, sitting on the floor, with this empty stare. Her face was slightly diverted from where she was actually looking, like always. Suppose she never really has to look at anything though, when she can see everything at once.
"I thought it would be nice," Hero spoke quietly again in her scratchy voice, still not looking at me, "to have one on my side. Sometimes I wonder, though, what I got myself into."
"What do you mean?"
"They were right about her. Something is not right... She can be a lot of trouble, more than she's worth. I can't say I know why or what it is."
"Maybe we can figure that out when we get out of here..."
"I would have left her a long time ago if she wasn't keeping me alive. Now I guess you could say we're friends. I don't know, I never really had any."
"Keeping you alive? Does that have something to do with that... thing...?"
She leaned her head slightly back and let it roll a little to the side. "It's a living shadow, you could say. See, whenever you cross into shadow it acts something like a piece of glass - it shatteres. When you emerge from it, it sort of breaks off of you, drips, like water... Well, it's really like your soul is being consumed, but it's a little complicated to describe. Eventually you just have to release it."
"Why go to all the trouble, Hero?"
"Why not? I got her, I can. Plus I believe it has other benefits aside from stealth..." she walked towards Andvari now, leaving me to wonder what the hell she meant.
Such a strange person she is, really, I think as I sit on the ruined bench. I lean my head against the wall and watch her from the corner of my eye. She seems incredibly mixed up. Doesn't know exactly who to trust. I think she believes she knows exactly what she's doing, but it's such a dangerous business.
And why reveal such details to me? Is she truely a person who believes that you only live once and it doesn't matter after that?
She kneels next to Andvari and touches her shoulder, whispering something to her. I can't hear Hero, but again, I seem to get a faint whisper of Andvari's voice in my head. "I'm just tired..."
Hero looked around, behind her and finds that shard of light Andvari always carries around. She forces her to hold on to it. Now she reaches her arms around Andvari and adjusts her blindfold for her.
"Can't we wait?" she says as she grabs Hero's upper arm. For once, they stare directly at each other.
It all makes no sense to me. One second Hero is telling me how gladly she's drop Andvari, yet looking at her seems to be the only thing that makes her smile.
I suppose this is the moment I could realize what her true intentions are. Her happiness is really to extract every ounch of power out of Andvari's soul and test it for herself. Try to stretch and reach the true boundaries of life. What would happen if shadow and light were combined, I can only imagine. But i think Andvari already holds the key to that. Something happened when she was born.
I believe it was shadow. The details beyond that, I don't know, but I believe the source of all this trouble is actually Hero herself, or whoever taught her how to attune to shadow.
I'm wondering what her intentions are now. Andvari seems to trust her and that should have some merit, but I think her desires are to only use every person she can.
I wonder this because something unusual happens between them at this moment as I sit watching.
And, well you can guess what that is >< I don't feel like writing it.
In other news, Starbucks now owns my soul. They make a really, really, really good soy mocha. /sigh
Dammit, NEVER sell your soul, kids! No matter how good it is >< I think i've sold my soul twice this week, alone, and once a few years ago. I don't remember why.
Anyway, it's not worth it...
Wish every day was like the summer drives to Starbucks.
But everything is making me so angry lately. I just can't handle it. I don't know what it is about it, but frustration just takes a hold of me and drives me to oblivion unless I drop everything and try to focus my mind on something else.
It's so hard to get anything done when that happens. You can't plan anything around frustration..
You can't plan anything around my life. It's beginning to be more than it's worth.
So for some reason, plugging in my iPod my nearly gave me a panic attack. Let me explain... It made iTunes crash. It pretty much fucked my computer. I have no idea why.. But I couldn't even close iTunes, so I had to force it to close. Then i tried to restart it, and it wouldn't. So I had to restart, and it took like 20 minutes to close down everything.. and, actually it didn't even turn off on it's own. I had to turn it off.
Then I turned the power back on, and it wouldn't even restart. I had to go into the set up menu, then exit out of that, and it would finish it's restart routine.
Then none of the start up programs were working.. iTunes was still fucked as well.. It downloaded a new iTunes,s till didn't recognize my iPod. My iPod is meanwhile not functioning at all. My other computer won't recognize it either.
At first, this new iTunes wouldn't play ANYTHING. but now it appears to be working :\ has managed to recognize my old iPod.
Ugh.. if my NEW IPOD is broken because of their sucky programming, i'm seriously going to kill someone.
I just can't take it anymore.
Stress of any kind just destroys me.
I can't stand it.