Getting to the gone
Life is funny. Not like ha ha funny, but strange funny. It just hit me. Like two hours ago. I'm leaving. In three days, I'm leaving. I moved to Belton Texas at the age of seven, and now, here I am, eleven and a half years later, leaving the only home I've ever really called home. Between kindergarten and second grade, I lived in over 6 towns, attending at least 5 schools. I finally ended up here, with no friends in a town where I know people who have friends they attended kindergarten with. My only memories of kindergarten are a teacher named Ms. Highway and a kid that slept all day and drooled a lot. And fast forward, here I am. Gone in three days.
In some ways, I'm already gone. In a way, I'm already in Arlington, looking back at these last three days. Fortunately, they haven't happened yet. They still belong to me. But after every passing moment, the ever-present and ever-indifferent thief, Time, takes a little more of this summer from me. I just felt it........... for the first time since I even thought of moving to U.T.A. Just now. I'm.....sad. I can feel it. I'm sad. I never thought I would be. I knew I would miss everyone, but not like this. I almost cried just now. Vanessa, Paul, John, Kristie, Bittny, Catie, Gary, all of you will be here. I'm the only one leaving. Christ, I almost cried again. My tears are like one of those shits that you know won't feel good coming out, so you hold on for as long as you can. Only I know I won't cry. I forgot how. I know that sounds dumb, but I'm fucking serious. Only one thing can press the liquid eye shit button in my brain. Some of you guys know what that is...... anyway. You know, I never thought I'd get around to this, but for about four months, I've wanted to do this. I'm going to leave something for all of you guys. You will each get your own paragraph. I may say something to you too. I'm crazy like that. You never know what I'll do next. (sarcasm)
Gary:
You are the coolest midget the world will ever know, and one of the biggest pimps. Man, I wish we had met sooner. You are one of the funniest sommbitches ever. I can't wait to come back and see you man. I hope we get closer, dude. You are the shit. I love you for your five foot frame and your fifty foot attitude.
Catie:
You are the mystery girl. I have no idea what our relationship is. I can't tell how close you want us to be or what you're thinking at any given time, but that's okay. That's Catie. I still consider you one of my closest friends to this day. You will make some lucky people very happy in your life. I love your for your free spirit, and the way your eyes squint when you laugh, as if to see only the people that mean the most to you.
Brittany:
You are almost like an older sister to me. I think I may have told you that before. I always felt such ease talking to you, and I still do. You are like this very journal, a blank page to tell all my juciest stories and greatest fears to (I have few, 'cause I'm the man). Please don't lose touch when you go wherever you go. And get a jeep. I can so see you driving an open air jeep. I love your openness and silly faces.
Kristie:
Wow. You are...that soft spot in my heart. The one that stings a little if I touch it, but it never heals but that's okay because I want it there and even if I didn't it would never go away anyway and plus I like to touch stuff that hurts and make it hurt more because I'm a baritone and that's what I do. Whew. Anyway, I am so honored to be graced by your affections as a friend and otherwise throughout the last year and a half. Some people have whirlwind romances, and we have a whirlwind friendship. I love it. Though sometimes our past relationship makes our current one complicated, I wouldn't have it any other way, just the same way I wouldn't have you any other way. You are my exception. I love your eyes. They are like a reflection of my soul in a pond of crystal clear (but in regards to color, undrinkable) water.
John:
You are a crazy bitch. You and I...are a COUPLE of crazy bitches. Bitchin crazy bitches. Man, you and I are so... the shit. Hell, I don't even know what to say man (which is obvious- I'm not really saying anything.) Fuck it. I don't know what's going to happen to us when you go to wherever you go to for school, but I know you will be the local computer asshole of wherever you go. Whatever happens, happens, you know? .................................anyway, go get married, fuck, have kids, coelesce into the supreme being Namness God, such is life. I love you, man.
Paul:
You are the one friend that I have no idea how we met. I don't know where the fuck you came from. But you came from there. I can't even type much about you, man(g). All of the memories come flooding back too fast. They can only be recalled one at a time, never in clusters. Baritones, the house, Harley, swords, fire, golf coarses (What are you talkin' 'bout Paul?!), marching practice, senior baritones, sorority brothers, fighting, push-ups, U.T.A., all of it. My liquid shit just gurgled. It's cool, I'm not going to go on any more. Baritonians 9:16, baby. I love our future.
There you go guys. I love you all.