Express Lane Ettiquette

[pretendscripter]

Okay, so the express lane at the grocery store doesn't guarantee that anything about your checkout experience is going to actually be express.  It doesn't guarantee anything beyond the fact that everyone in line has less than 10, 15, or however many the requisite number of items are.  Really, though, if you made enough of a fuss, I'm sure most grocery stores would ring you up even if you had 50 items.  The only reason that happens is because no one tries to be that much of a dick to the cashier.  So can't we all agree on a few more codes of conduct at the Express Lane?  Here are the rules I propose:

1. No chit-chat.  Sure go ahead and say the usual innocuous things: "Hi," "How are you," "I'm fine."  But, as soon as the check out process is done, stop talking, pay the bill and move along.
2. No returning items.  This happened to me today.  Someone was returning grapes.  Grapes!  Ya, because they looked bad.  What!? You didn't notice that when you bought them?  They weren't wrapped in a tarp!  You had a whole array of grapes wrapped in clear plastic.  Choose wisely!
3. No checks!  Why are you still using checks?

This griping has been petty, but hopefully entertaining. :)