[exo] how am i supposed to breathe (when all my heart does is bleed)
|| jongin x yixing; minor implied! luhan x yixing || r || romance, angst ||
warning: #HowToGrammar // disclaimer: copyright infringement not intended.
summary: second chances don't come along just because you want them to.
a/n: part 3/3
***
how am i supposed to breathe
(when all my heart does is bleed) ;;
Part two.
Shadowing Jongin’s every movement with his sharp and penetrating gaze; Luhan brushes away imaginary specks of dust from his beige cashmere sweater and says casually - as if talking about something mundane like the weather.
“Tell me again why you’re flying off to China tomorrow? Didn’t you say your dance class is going to England in a few days? You’re not going?”
Jongin pauses in his actions to throw his long-time friend a glance before resuming his packing.
“Well, turns out I have more important things to attend to.”
“In China?,” Luhan quirks an eyebrow. “You’re graduating next year, Jongin. I don’t think that England is an opportunity you should pass up on.”
Jongin turns to look at him with a slight frown on his face. “Luhan hyung, I get it okay? I know you’re concerned about my education, which I still don’t understand why, but I’m grateful for the good intentions okay.”
“Having that said,” Jongin pauses, “I’ve told you how important Yixing is to me, haven’t I?”
Luhan sighs and runs a hand through his blonde hair. Completely ignoring the question, he says, “Okay so you’re going after him to tell him you’re sorry and that you love him back. What makes you think he’ll take you back?”
Rolling his eyes when the younger boy stayed silent, Luhan continues, “You’ve already tried stopping him once right? Did he change his mind? No. So why would he this time?”
Jongin mutters - more to himself than to his friend, “Because he loves me, he’ll come back. I’ll tell him I love him too, I-I’ll make him come back. He’ll come back, he has to.”
Luhan raises a skeptical eyebrow and asks the younger boy.
“It’s been weeks Jongin, weeks. You’re sure about his feelings?”
Jongin falls silent again - Luhan’s words sending a wave of uncertainty through him.
“You’re being ridiculous Jongin,” the older boy says with a strange expression. “You’ve already tried. And you failed. Don’t you think you should let go and move on with your life?”
Jongin’s head shoots up at that. “I can’t afford to give up now; I have to keep on persevering. I-I’ll just have to try again, won’t I?”
“Jongin-ah,” Luhan pleads softly - exasperation creeping into his voice. “You’ll break if you push too hard. I don’t want to see that happen to you.”
Jongin’s heart clenches at the familiar words. Know your limits. You’ll crash and burn if you push too hard.
“Hyung, I know what you’re thinking but I - I still want to do this. I have to do this,” he starts to say.
“It doesn’t matter to me even if he hates me; I have to be with him. I’d rather live a lie and pretend that everything’s alright than to never see him again. Because no matter how much I try to deny and ignore it, I can’t live without him.”
“I’m willing to throw away everything I have, I’m willing to leave behind my home country for a place I don’t even speak the language.”
“Because without him, the world as I know it will cease to exist.”
Luhan’s face softens at the younger boy’s words and a heavy sigh escapes him.
-
It’s raining when Jongin spots a heart-achingly familiar figure in the middle of a street.
And without giving it another thought, he runs forward to the said figure.
His entire body is drenched, his hair plastered all over his face, his clothes sticking to his skin, and he’s shivering from the cold brittle wind.
But all that doesn’t matter because Jongin has his arms around Yixing and everything feels right again. Yixing’s in his arms and that’s what really matters.
“Don’t leave me Xing,” he sobs quietly. “I’m sorry. Don’t go.”
Yixing doesn’t move for a second. Then he pries away the arms around his frame and turns around.
Looking into the younger boy’s dark orbs, he asks simply, “Do you love me?”
Jongin blinks and chokes on his words. “I…”
Hesitations. Damn hesitations.
Yixing smiles softly - a smile that didn’t reach his eyes.
Bending down to pick up the umbrella that has fallen to the ground, he presses the wooden handle into Jongin’s shaking hand and says softly.
“Go home and take a warm shower. Don’t follow me.”
Jongin continues staring wordlessly even after the elder gives him another small smile and walks away.
He stares with a freezing heart as he notices Yixing’s shoulders tremble - an indication that he’s crying.
The rain pours relentlessly down upon Yixing’s slender body and Jongin wants to do something - anything - to shelter him from the cold.
He watches as another familiar silhouette run towards the shivering body and pull him into a nearby shop.
Jongin doesn’t pause to figure out who that second figure is.
All he can focus on is how numb his heart feels, how cold he is.
-
Luhan stands up from the couch he was sitting on, and slowly makes his way to Jongin.
“He won’t take you back Jongin.”
“What, how - “
Luhan stops directly in front of the younger boy and says clearly, “Because I won’t let him.”
“I’m leaving for China as well.”
Jongin blinks. Realization hits him like a ton of bricks.
Luhan. It was Luhan who he saw that day. Luhan who was with Yixing.
Luhan, who is going to end the story once and for all.
He stares at the older boy with shock clearly etched on his face. “B-but I thought we were friends!”
“We are friends.” Luhan voices out calmly. “And we can remain that way.”
His eyes flash. “Provided you keep your distance from Yixing. But if you don’t,” he lowers his voice, “Don’t blame me for playing dirty. I’ve warned you.”
“I don’t believe this!,” Jongin shouts - his hands going up to cover his ears. “Hyung you’re joking right? Luhan you can’t - you can’t do this to me. Our years of friendship, doesn’t it mean anything to you?”
Luhan gazes at his younger friend and sighs softly. Reaching up to pull those hand away from his ears, he says - eyes glinting strangely.
“I like you Jongin, I really do. But all’s fair in love and war.”
“And I, for one, won’t be afraid to admit that I love him,” he shrugs lightly and peers into Jongin’s pale face. “He’ll be happy with me; I’ll make sure of it. You want him to happy, don’t you? Don’t you, Jongin?”
Jongin forces down to urge to throw up as he flinches away from the boy he has known for years. He can feel the foul taste of bile in his mouth when he whispers, “I spent hours and days missing him. You can’t do this.”
Luhan rolls his eyes. “Well, I spent every second of every day thinking about ways to keep him by my side. So please don’t think that I’m going to give up just because you’re asking me to.”
“I don’t want to fight you Jongin,” he says softly with something akin to pity in his eyes.
“I’m sorry but you had your chance and - ,” Luhan pauses, taking in a deep breath.
“It isn’t my fault you chose to blow it. Don’t ruin mine.”
-
Jongin is standing under the showerhead in his bathroom, a hot gush of water spaying over him. His head throbs painfully, and his heart feels like there’s a thousand daggers shoved mercilessly into it. Punching the wall in frustration, the young man throws his head back and screams. Not because of the pain in his hand, not because of the blood trickling down his fist. Jongin screams because he feels so empty, so hollow. And it scares him; it scares him so much because there’s nothing he can do about it. He’s helpless, alone, trapped.
-*&*-
His phone vibrates in his bedroom.
One new message from Zhang Yixing : You had your chance. Goodbye Jongin.
[Click for more of Jongin's heartbreak]
O_O Did you people really want to see the poor boy in more agony? tsk tsk
- hallelujah im finally finished with this \o// this fic is actually inspired by this other fic i wrote last year. feel free to take a look and comment :) it's only a little over 2K words, so it wont take much time.
-please tell me what you thought of this in a comment! i'd love to know your opinions about it. constructive criticism is also welcome <3
- also! talk to me on twitter and/or ask.fm
warning: #HowToGrammar // disclaimer: copyright infringement not intended.
summary: second chances don't come along just because you want them to.
a/n: part 3/3
***
how am i supposed to breathe
(when all my heart does is bleed) ;;
Part two.
Shadowing Jongin’s every movement with his sharp and penetrating gaze; Luhan brushes away imaginary specks of dust from his beige cashmere sweater and says casually - as if talking about something mundane like the weather.
“Tell me again why you’re flying off to China tomorrow? Didn’t you say your dance class is going to England in a few days? You’re not going?”
Jongin pauses in his actions to throw his long-time friend a glance before resuming his packing.
“Well, turns out I have more important things to attend to.”
“In China?,” Luhan quirks an eyebrow. “You’re graduating next year, Jongin. I don’t think that England is an opportunity you should pass up on.”
Jongin turns to look at him with a slight frown on his face. “Luhan hyung, I get it okay? I know you’re concerned about my education, which I still don’t understand why, but I’m grateful for the good intentions okay.”
“Having that said,” Jongin pauses, “I’ve told you how important Yixing is to me, haven’t I?”
Luhan sighs and runs a hand through his blonde hair. Completely ignoring the question, he says, “Okay so you’re going after him to tell him you’re sorry and that you love him back. What makes you think he’ll take you back?”
Rolling his eyes when the younger boy stayed silent, Luhan continues, “You’ve already tried stopping him once right? Did he change his mind? No. So why would he this time?”
Jongin mutters - more to himself than to his friend, “Because he loves me, he’ll come back. I’ll tell him I love him too, I-I’ll make him come back. He’ll come back, he has to.”
Luhan raises a skeptical eyebrow and asks the younger boy.
“It’s been weeks Jongin, weeks. You’re sure about his feelings?”
Jongin falls silent again - Luhan’s words sending a wave of uncertainty through him.
“You’re being ridiculous Jongin,” the older boy says with a strange expression. “You’ve already tried. And you failed. Don’t you think you should let go and move on with your life?”
Jongin’s head shoots up at that. “I can’t afford to give up now; I have to keep on persevering. I-I’ll just have to try again, won’t I?”
“Jongin-ah,” Luhan pleads softly - exasperation creeping into his voice. “You’ll break if you push too hard. I don’t want to see that happen to you.”
Jongin’s heart clenches at the familiar words. Know your limits. You’ll crash and burn if you push too hard.
“Hyung, I know what you’re thinking but I - I still want to do this. I have to do this,” he starts to say.
“It doesn’t matter to me even if he hates me; I have to be with him. I’d rather live a lie and pretend that everything’s alright than to never see him again. Because no matter how much I try to deny and ignore it, I can’t live without him.”
“I’m willing to throw away everything I have, I’m willing to leave behind my home country for a place I don’t even speak the language.”
“Because without him, the world as I know it will cease to exist.”
Luhan’s face softens at the younger boy’s words and a heavy sigh escapes him.
-
It’s raining when Jongin spots a heart-achingly familiar figure in the middle of a street.
And without giving it another thought, he runs forward to the said figure.
His entire body is drenched, his hair plastered all over his face, his clothes sticking to his skin, and he’s shivering from the cold brittle wind.
But all that doesn’t matter because Jongin has his arms around Yixing and everything feels right again. Yixing’s in his arms and that’s what really matters.
“Don’t leave me Xing,” he sobs quietly. “I’m sorry. Don’t go.”
Yixing doesn’t move for a second. Then he pries away the arms around his frame and turns around.
Looking into the younger boy’s dark orbs, he asks simply, “Do you love me?”
Jongin blinks and chokes on his words. “I…”
Hesitations. Damn hesitations.
Yixing smiles softly - a smile that didn’t reach his eyes.
Bending down to pick up the umbrella that has fallen to the ground, he presses the wooden handle into Jongin’s shaking hand and says softly.
“Go home and take a warm shower. Don’t follow me.”
Jongin continues staring wordlessly even after the elder gives him another small smile and walks away.
He stares with a freezing heart as he notices Yixing’s shoulders tremble - an indication that he’s crying.
The rain pours relentlessly down upon Yixing’s slender body and Jongin wants to do something - anything - to shelter him from the cold.
He watches as another familiar silhouette run towards the shivering body and pull him into a nearby shop.
Jongin doesn’t pause to figure out who that second figure is.
All he can focus on is how numb his heart feels, how cold he is.
-
Luhan stands up from the couch he was sitting on, and slowly makes his way to Jongin.
“He won’t take you back Jongin.”
“What, how - “
Luhan stops directly in front of the younger boy and says clearly, “Because I won’t let him.”
“I’m leaving for China as well.”
Jongin blinks. Realization hits him like a ton of bricks.
Luhan. It was Luhan who he saw that day. Luhan who was with Yixing.
Luhan, who is going to end the story once and for all.
He stares at the older boy with shock clearly etched on his face. “B-but I thought we were friends!”
“We are friends.” Luhan voices out calmly. “And we can remain that way.”
His eyes flash. “Provided you keep your distance from Yixing. But if you don’t,” he lowers his voice, “Don’t blame me for playing dirty. I’ve warned you.”
“I don’t believe this!,” Jongin shouts - his hands going up to cover his ears. “Hyung you’re joking right? Luhan you can’t - you can’t do this to me. Our years of friendship, doesn’t it mean anything to you?”
Luhan gazes at his younger friend and sighs softly. Reaching up to pull those hand away from his ears, he says - eyes glinting strangely.
“I like you Jongin, I really do. But all’s fair in love and war.”
“And I, for one, won’t be afraid to admit that I love him,” he shrugs lightly and peers into Jongin’s pale face. “He’ll be happy with me; I’ll make sure of it. You want him to happy, don’t you? Don’t you, Jongin?”
Jongin forces down to urge to throw up as he flinches away from the boy he has known for years. He can feel the foul taste of bile in his mouth when he whispers, “I spent hours and days missing him. You can’t do this.”
Luhan rolls his eyes. “Well, I spent every second of every day thinking about ways to keep him by my side. So please don’t think that I’m going to give up just because you’re asking me to.”
“I don’t want to fight you Jongin,” he says softly with something akin to pity in his eyes.
“I’m sorry but you had your chance and - ,” Luhan pauses, taking in a deep breath.
“It isn’t my fault you chose to blow it. Don’t ruin mine.”
-
Jongin is standing under the showerhead in his bathroom, a hot gush of water spaying over him. His head throbs painfully, and his heart feels like there’s a thousand daggers shoved mercilessly into it. Punching the wall in frustration, the young man throws his head back and screams. Not because of the pain in his hand, not because of the blood trickling down his fist. Jongin screams because he feels so empty, so hollow. And it scares him; it scares him so much because there’s nothing he can do about it. He’s helpless, alone, trapped.
-*&*-
His phone vibrates in his bedroom.
One new message from Zhang Yixing : You had your chance. Goodbye Jongin.
[Click for more of Jongin's heartbreak]
O_O Did you people really want to see the poor boy in more agony? tsk tsk
- hallelujah im finally finished with this \o// this fic is actually inspired by this other fic i wrote last year. feel free to take a look and comment :) it's only a little over 2K words, so it wont take much time.
-please tell me what you thought of this in a comment! i'd love to know your opinions about it. constructive criticism is also welcome <3
- also! talk to me on twitter and/or ask.fm