[exo] hey, i love you. (did you know?)
|| jongin x yixing , kris x yixing | pg | angst , romance ||
warning: #HowToGrammar // disclaimer: no copyright infringement intended whatsoever.
summary: they say its better to have loved and lost, than to never have loved at all.
***
hey, i love you. (did you know?) ;;
Yixing finds himself on the steps leading to the roof of the apartment building where he resides - the stairway to heaven as he likes to call it sometimes. And in a way, funnily and strangely enough, it really is a stairway to heaven. Because when he’s on the rooftop, Yxing feels like he’s on top of the world. The view beneath his sneaker-clad feet stretches on for miles, and he can see everything from this incredible height - all the vehicles on the granite roads, looking very much like specks and moving dots of colour cruising along the intersecting and criss-crossing slabs of never ending grey.
He can see other towering buildings - rectangles in different shades of green, blue, yellow, and red, all complete with smaller rectangles and squares for windows. Trees that looked uncannily like shrubs of broccoli - this particular analogy has never yet failed to bring an amused quirk to Yixing’s lips.
And when he looks up to the sky, squinting so as to not get blinded by the glaring sunrays, he’d hold up his right hand - tiny gaps between the pale fingers, and admire the shimmering sparkles on his hand. Diamonds, shining and dancing jewels, he would fondly call them.
It’s a different thing altogether when the sun sets and night falls, covering the sky with a blanket of velvet black. The precious stones are now scattered all over the canvas of inky black, and Yixing is so close to the skies that, were he to raise an arm upwards and curl his fingers around one of the sparkling stones, he’d easily be able to have it in his hand.
Yixing never does that, he believes that stars were meant for everyone to look at and gush over their beauty, and it wouldn’t be fair if he took one away for himself - that’d just be plain selfish.
After all, he already has a star - his own personal star. There really isn’t a need for another.
But most of all, it’s the sense of ultimate freedom he gets, an indescribable feeling of pore undiluted happiness. A sense of peace and calm, comforting serenity in the knowledge that he’s so high up, so far away from the world and all its various accompanying worries.
Yixing smiles when he feels the cool night air ruffle the strands of his hair and gently caress his skin. He slowly walks over to the edge and carefully settles down cross-legged. There’s a solid bar made of steel in front of him, so he isn’t too afraid of falling over.
He shifts his gaze downwards to the world below and is immediately greeted by obnoxiously bright lights. His sense of hearing gets activated as well. Yixing hears the hustle and bustle of the busy streets, the sound of life. He hears loud jarring noises, sees bright flashing lights and a smile slowly spreads out across the panes of his face. Seoul, a city that never sleeps. And indeed it doesn’t, trawling with life with every single tick of the clock.
-
Letting his eyes fall shut, Yixing lifts his face to the sky and dreams - dreams of soaring weightlessly above the clouds. He takes in a deep breath, the cool invigoratingly refreshing air rushing to fill up and expand his lungs. The wind carries with it a faint hint of jasmine, Yixing’s favourite flower, and the boy relishes in it.
He’s gently brought back to earth when he feels a presence beside him. Yixing doesn’t need to open his eyes to know who the newcomer is, but he does it anyway. He cracks his eyes open and turns to look at the boy who was standing and looking down at him with a soft smile playing at the corners of his full lips.
Yixing grins widely, white teeth gleaming and dimple winking. “Jongin,” he greets happily, “you’re here.”
“Why yes,” Jongin says with a grin of his own - an outright playful one, “yes I am. Good observation skills you’ve got there.”
Yixing huffs and rolls his eyes good-naturedly, used to the younger boy’s playful and slightly mischievous nature. Patting the space next to him, Yixing asks him. “Come sit with me?”
“Uh,” Jongin says - hesitation in his voice, “I’ll just stand if you don’t mind.” The elder pouts slightly and he hurries to add, “No offense of course. I mean, this is my first time here and well, I’d prefer to be on my feet? Um yeah.”
Yixing giggles softly at the look of uncertainty on his companion’s face and offers him an outstretched hand. “Go on, take my hand,” he says serenely. “I won’t let you fall, I promise.”
Jongin worries his bottom lip with his teeth before taking the proffered hand in his. “Promise?” he whispers.
“Promise. I won’t let you fall, Jongin. Trust me,” Yixing replies with a reassuring smile and a light squeeze of his hand.
The younger man sighs inaudibly. I’ve already fallen though, he thinks silently as he gingerly lowers himself to the ground.
“There we go,” Yixing says softly. “That wasn’t too hard, was it?” He pauses briefly and looks at their locked hands. “Jongin? The floor isn’t going to collapse you know?”
“…Huh?”
“You don’t have to hold on so tightly. Relax, you’re safe with me.”
Jongin’s heart clenches in his chest. “Oh! Sorry about that. I er..” he swallows before continuing. “Am I hurting you? Do you want me to loosen my hold?”
Yixing laughs breezily and reaches out to pat Jongin’s cheek with his free hand. “Nah, it’s fine. Feel free to hold on as tightly as you want, you big baby you,” he grins. “You must be feeling rather scared huh. Understandable. I was pretty nervous my first time too.
Jongin shifts his gaze to the black ahead of him.
I’m not afraid though, not really. I’m just holding on because -
“You’re cute. Did you know? Has anyone ever told you?”
Jongin blinks and turns to face the older boy, confusion swirling in his dark orbs. He sees that Yixing has his gaze trained on him, watching him intently. His stomach churns uncomfortably.
Darting out his tongue to wet his lower lip, he murmurs.
“Really?”
-
The corners of Yixing’s eyes crinkle delicately. “Yeah of course,” he nods earnestly. “You’re very good looking, Jongin. And you have such an awesome personality too.”
Jongin smiles wryly. “Is that so? Well if I’m as great as you claim I am, how come I’m not out there having a date then? It’s a Friday night after all.”
A small frown appears on Yixing’s face as he says softly. “That’s what I wonder too. How on earth is a guy like you still single? I don’t get it, I really don’t. Or are your standards too high?”
The younger man shrugs. “I don’t think I have standards that are ridiculously high. I mean, I think they’re okay. Well I hope so anyways.”
“The thing is…” he hesitates - looking down at his fingers, “I once met this person and - he’s pretty fucking perfect in my eyes. And well, everyone else just seems so dull in comparison after him. You’re probably thinking that I’m such a pathetic person, but I can’t help what I feel.”
“I don’t think you’re pathetic. Not in the slightest bit,” Yixing voices out and Jongin’s head snaps up at the words, eyes widened in undisguised surprise. The elder smiles gently.
“It’s true you know, I don’t think you’re pathetic. In fact, I understand how you feel; I know what you’re feeling right now. You know Luhan? That irritating brat who’s always trying to take advantage of your brother’s credit cards? My best friend Luhan?”
Jongin nods slowly in affirmation, not knowing where this is going.
Yixing’s smile grows fond. “Well, I once thought that the sun shone out of Xiao Lu’s ass. It’s a pretty cute butt all things considered but yeah.”
Jongin’s mouth drops open. “Luhan hyung?” he splutters. “But he’s so...Luhan.”
Yixing laughs at that. “Exactly. That’s why we didn’t work out in the end, and he’s been relegated from future perfect husband to annoying best friend extraordinaire. I still love him though, just not in the way I thought I would, if that counts for anything.”
Jongin frowns lightly and his gaze goes back down to his fingers. “Then how,” he says, “how did you get over him?”
“It took quite a while, but I realised that I wasn’t doing anyone good by stubbornly holding on. So I did what I had to do. I let go.”
-
There are tears prickling at the edges of Jongin’s eyes. He hastily with the back of hand, not willing to look up. You said that it’s okay for me to hold on as tightly as I want, so why are you telling me something else now?
“Jongin? You alright?” he hears the concern in the older boy’s soft voice and his wasted heart clenches once more.
“I don’t think - I don’t think I’m strong enough to let him go,” Jongin whispers to his lap. And even if I am, I don’t want to. I’m going to hold on.
Yixing silently tightens his hold on Jongin’s hand and starts drawing small circles into the tan skin with his thumb. The latter looks up to find a small smile playing on his lips.
“It’ll take time,” Yixing murmurs as he reaches over his free hand to brush away the stray strands of hair from Jongin’s teary orbs. “But eventually you’ll find someone else. Somebody who truly belongs to you and only you.”
But what if I don’t want to find someone else? What if there’s no one else? Jongin bites his lip.
“You found my brother,” he says simply.
“Yes, I found him. And I’ve never been happier in my life to know that I’ve found the person whom I want to spend the rest of my life with,” Yixing says with a smile so wide and bright it made his whole being brighten.
Something beneath Jongin’s ribcage tears and his heart struggles for air.
“Will I ever find that happiness?” he asks brokenly - dark orbs shimmering with unshed tears. “Will I - will I be able to find that someone who belongs to me?”
No.
“Of course you will, don’t be silly,” the older boy says and gently presses his lips to Jongin’s forehead. “Now shush, dry your eyes. Your brother’s coming and you know how he hates to see you cry.”
Jongin gives a loud sniff and takes in a deep breath, wiping his eyes dry with his fingers. “Yixing hyung? Can I have a hug?”
Yixing blinks at him.“You don’t even have to ask. Come here.”
Jongin lets go of Yixing’s hand and dives into Yixing’s outstretched arms. He hears a soft chuckle as his arms wind tightly around the elder’s waist. He feels a hand run through his hair as he buries his face into the other man’s pale neck, breathing in the intoxicating scent.
His heart breathes its last.
“Yixing? Jongin? What you two doing?”
-
“Yixing? Jongin? What you two doing?”
Jongin reluctantly pulls away and looks up at his brother. Kris is standing over the both of them, an arched eyebrow and an incomprehensible expression on his face. Beside him, Yixing quickly scrambles to his feet and latches himself to the eldest boy’s arm. Kris’ stony expression immediately softens and the edges of his lips curl upwards as he gazes at his boyfriend.
“Your baby brother and I were having a heart to heart,” Yixing chirps - eyes dancing and dimple indenting deeply into a soft cheek. “Jongin’s like a brother to me too you know?”
Brother. Am I really just a brother to you? Nothing more?
Kris looks briefly at Jongin before smiling back down at Yixing. “Oh? Is that so?” he says playfully. “Then why is he crying?”
“Did the naughty unicorn upset him?” he gently pinches the smaller man’s nose, soft fondness in the depths of his eyes.
“Don’t talk nonsense,” Yixing pouts lightly and tugs on Kris’ sleeve. “Kiss it better.”
Kris glances at Jongin.
Yixing whines. “Kris! Kiss it better.”
Jongin sends a small smile in his brother’s direction. Go ahead, don’t worry about me.
Kris frowns lightly before shrugging and bending down to kiss Yixing’s nose. The younger of the two quickly stands on tip-toes and meets the older man’s lips with his own. Kris makes a surprised noise at the back of his throat and starts to pull away when Yixing wraps his arms around his neck and deepens the kiss for a couple more seconds.
Kris happily obliges, his own arms coming round to wrap Yixing’s waist.
Jongin’s stomach lurches and he feels like throwing up.
-
When Yixing lowers himself such that both his feet are planted firmly on the ground, he rests his head on Kris’ broad shoulder. There’s an expression of absolute bliss etched into the panes of his face, a faint smile on his lips, and stars in his eyes - stars that could rival the brightness and beauty of those hanging in the skies.
Yixing was glowing.
He reaches down to find Kris’ hand and naturally intertwines their fingers together. Jongin notes that his brother’s hand completely envelopes Yixing’s smaller more delicate hand, and can’t help but to crack a smile despite the twinge he feels in the middle of his constricting chest.
He doesn’t notice that he’s staring until Kris gives an awkward cough and says to him. “Jongin? Dude, do you think I could steal Xing from you? Like, now?” he pauses to think. “You guys have finished your chat I assume?”
How can you steal something from me when it doesn’t belong to me in the first place?
The youngest plasters on a smile and replies softly, “Of course, he’s all yours.” Yours, not mine.
Kris shoots him a look, a look that clearly screams ‘are you sure?’ He shifts his gaze to the side, unwilling to let his older brother see the anguish swimming in his orbs. No, he cannot be that selfish.
“Are you coming with us, Jongin?” Yixing directs the question at him.
Jongin closes his eyes tiredly and turns away. Please just go.
No, don’t go. Don’t leave me.
He inhales deeply. “You go ahead. I need some time alone to think about what you said earlier.” He doesn’t see the frown on Kris’ brow or the worried look in Yixing’s eyes.
“Okay,” hears Yixing say softly, “don’t stay up for too long. The night air is getting chilly these days and the last thing I want is for you to fall sick.”
Jongin swallows and nods. “I won’t be long.” He wants to turn around to smile at the older boy, to assure him that he’s fine, but there are traitorous tears in his eyes and heaven forbid if Yixing should see them.
He feels a hand on his shoulder, giving it a light squeeze. Just go Kris, I’ll be alright.
-
Jongin waits till he hears footsteps getting farther and farther away before he slowly turns his head around, cheeks wet with tears.
He sees Yixing point up to the speckled sky and hears him whisper to Kris, “Isn’t it beautiful?” as the two older boys made their way down the stairs, the elder’s arm slung protectively around the younger’s back, long fingers curling around a shoulder.
“Yes,” he thinks, “absolutely beautiful.” His fast blurring gaze is trained on Yixing’s lean figure, dark eyes never leaving the retreating back. “You’re so beautiful it hurts.”
Jongin wipes his drowning orbs and turns back around. He looks up to the sky and whispers into the wind.
“Make it stop, please. I don’t want to hurt anymore.”
-
Once upon a time, you were mine. You belonged to me, and my arms were your home. Do you remember any of it? I do.
Once upon a time seems so far away, like a distant memory - a fading dream. I remember every second of it as if it was just yesterday.
A dream; or a nightmare? I find myself asking time after time, over and over again. I have yet to find an answer. Perhaps I never will.
They say that it’s better to have loved and lost, than to never have loved at all.
Is it really though?
I have loved you, and I have lost you as well. I tell myself that if I could turn back time, I would not love you.
Just so I can spare myself the pain and heartache I’m feeling right now.
But I know that with just one look at the smile on your face, one glance at the soft dancing lights in your eyes, one glimpse at the blooming rose on your ivory cheeks, and I’d fall for you all over again.
I’d fall faster and deeper than anyone else. I’d take the fall for you, only for you.
Because I love you. I still do.
And if I could, I’d shout it out to the universe for everyone to know.
I love you I love you I love you.
I would do anything to hear you whisper those words to me. I would go through hell to have those three words fall from your lips.
Just once. One more time, that’s all I’m asking.
I love you, Yixing.
So tell me, what must I do to have you back in my arms?
What must I do to make you love me again?
What can i do?
***
- there will be prequels & sequels following this so please hold your 1001 questions for now thanks.
- comment? <3 i wont hate you if you don't, but i'll love you forever if you do :D
also! come say hello on twitter and/or ask.fm ♥ i swear i wont bite.
warning: #HowToGrammar // disclaimer: no copyright infringement intended whatsoever.
summary: they say its better to have loved and lost, than to never have loved at all.
***
hey, i love you. (did you know?) ;;
Yixing finds himself on the steps leading to the roof of the apartment building where he resides - the stairway to heaven as he likes to call it sometimes. And in a way, funnily and strangely enough, it really is a stairway to heaven. Because when he’s on the rooftop, Yxing feels like he’s on top of the world. The view beneath his sneaker-clad feet stretches on for miles, and he can see everything from this incredible height - all the vehicles on the granite roads, looking very much like specks and moving dots of colour cruising along the intersecting and criss-crossing slabs of never ending grey.
He can see other towering buildings - rectangles in different shades of green, blue, yellow, and red, all complete with smaller rectangles and squares for windows. Trees that looked uncannily like shrubs of broccoli - this particular analogy has never yet failed to bring an amused quirk to Yixing’s lips.
And when he looks up to the sky, squinting so as to not get blinded by the glaring sunrays, he’d hold up his right hand - tiny gaps between the pale fingers, and admire the shimmering sparkles on his hand. Diamonds, shining and dancing jewels, he would fondly call them.
It’s a different thing altogether when the sun sets and night falls, covering the sky with a blanket of velvet black. The precious stones are now scattered all over the canvas of inky black, and Yixing is so close to the skies that, were he to raise an arm upwards and curl his fingers around one of the sparkling stones, he’d easily be able to have it in his hand.
Yixing never does that, he believes that stars were meant for everyone to look at and gush over their beauty, and it wouldn’t be fair if he took one away for himself - that’d just be plain selfish.
After all, he already has a star - his own personal star. There really isn’t a need for another.
But most of all, it’s the sense of ultimate freedom he gets, an indescribable feeling of pore undiluted happiness. A sense of peace and calm, comforting serenity in the knowledge that he’s so high up, so far away from the world and all its various accompanying worries.
Yixing smiles when he feels the cool night air ruffle the strands of his hair and gently caress his skin. He slowly walks over to the edge and carefully settles down cross-legged. There’s a solid bar made of steel in front of him, so he isn’t too afraid of falling over.
He shifts his gaze downwards to the world below and is immediately greeted by obnoxiously bright lights. His sense of hearing gets activated as well. Yixing hears the hustle and bustle of the busy streets, the sound of life. He hears loud jarring noises, sees bright flashing lights and a smile slowly spreads out across the panes of his face. Seoul, a city that never sleeps. And indeed it doesn’t, trawling with life with every single tick of the clock.
-
Letting his eyes fall shut, Yixing lifts his face to the sky and dreams - dreams of soaring weightlessly above the clouds. He takes in a deep breath, the cool invigoratingly refreshing air rushing to fill up and expand his lungs. The wind carries with it a faint hint of jasmine, Yixing’s favourite flower, and the boy relishes in it.
He’s gently brought back to earth when he feels a presence beside him. Yixing doesn’t need to open his eyes to know who the newcomer is, but he does it anyway. He cracks his eyes open and turns to look at the boy who was standing and looking down at him with a soft smile playing at the corners of his full lips.
Yixing grins widely, white teeth gleaming and dimple winking. “Jongin,” he greets happily, “you’re here.”
“Why yes,” Jongin says with a grin of his own - an outright playful one, “yes I am. Good observation skills you’ve got there.”
Yixing huffs and rolls his eyes good-naturedly, used to the younger boy’s playful and slightly mischievous nature. Patting the space next to him, Yixing asks him. “Come sit with me?”
“Uh,” Jongin says - hesitation in his voice, “I’ll just stand if you don’t mind.” The elder pouts slightly and he hurries to add, “No offense of course. I mean, this is my first time here and well, I’d prefer to be on my feet? Um yeah.”
Yixing giggles softly at the look of uncertainty on his companion’s face and offers him an outstretched hand. “Go on, take my hand,” he says serenely. “I won’t let you fall, I promise.”
Jongin worries his bottom lip with his teeth before taking the proffered hand in his. “Promise?” he whispers.
“Promise. I won’t let you fall, Jongin. Trust me,” Yixing replies with a reassuring smile and a light squeeze of his hand.
The younger man sighs inaudibly. I’ve already fallen though, he thinks silently as he gingerly lowers himself to the ground.
“There we go,” Yixing says softly. “That wasn’t too hard, was it?” He pauses briefly and looks at their locked hands. “Jongin? The floor isn’t going to collapse you know?”
“…Huh?”
“You don’t have to hold on so tightly. Relax, you’re safe with me.”
Jongin’s heart clenches in his chest. “Oh! Sorry about that. I er..” he swallows before continuing. “Am I hurting you? Do you want me to loosen my hold?”
Yixing laughs breezily and reaches out to pat Jongin’s cheek with his free hand. “Nah, it’s fine. Feel free to hold on as tightly as you want, you big baby you,” he grins. “You must be feeling rather scared huh. Understandable. I was pretty nervous my first time too.
Jongin shifts his gaze to the black ahead of him.
I’m not afraid though, not really. I’m just holding on because -
“You’re cute. Did you know? Has anyone ever told you?”
Jongin blinks and turns to face the older boy, confusion swirling in his dark orbs. He sees that Yixing has his gaze trained on him, watching him intently. His stomach churns uncomfortably.
Darting out his tongue to wet his lower lip, he murmurs.
“Really?”
-
The corners of Yixing’s eyes crinkle delicately. “Yeah of course,” he nods earnestly. “You’re very good looking, Jongin. And you have such an awesome personality too.”
Jongin smiles wryly. “Is that so? Well if I’m as great as you claim I am, how come I’m not out there having a date then? It’s a Friday night after all.”
A small frown appears on Yixing’s face as he says softly. “That’s what I wonder too. How on earth is a guy like you still single? I don’t get it, I really don’t. Or are your standards too high?”
The younger man shrugs. “I don’t think I have standards that are ridiculously high. I mean, I think they’re okay. Well I hope so anyways.”
“The thing is…” he hesitates - looking down at his fingers, “I once met this person and - he’s pretty fucking perfect in my eyes. And well, everyone else just seems so dull in comparison after him. You’re probably thinking that I’m such a pathetic person, but I can’t help what I feel.”
“I don’t think you’re pathetic. Not in the slightest bit,” Yixing voices out and Jongin’s head snaps up at the words, eyes widened in undisguised surprise. The elder smiles gently.
“It’s true you know, I don’t think you’re pathetic. In fact, I understand how you feel; I know what you’re feeling right now. You know Luhan? That irritating brat who’s always trying to take advantage of your brother’s credit cards? My best friend Luhan?”
Jongin nods slowly in affirmation, not knowing where this is going.
Yixing’s smile grows fond. “Well, I once thought that the sun shone out of Xiao Lu’s ass. It’s a pretty cute butt all things considered but yeah.”
Jongin’s mouth drops open. “Luhan hyung?” he splutters. “But he’s so...Luhan.”
Yixing laughs at that. “Exactly. That’s why we didn’t work out in the end, and he’s been relegated from future perfect husband to annoying best friend extraordinaire. I still love him though, just not in the way I thought I would, if that counts for anything.”
Jongin frowns lightly and his gaze goes back down to his fingers. “Then how,” he says, “how did you get over him?”
“It took quite a while, but I realised that I wasn’t doing anyone good by stubbornly holding on. So I did what I had to do. I let go.”
-
There are tears prickling at the edges of Jongin’s eyes. He hastily with the back of hand, not willing to look up. You said that it’s okay for me to hold on as tightly as I want, so why are you telling me something else now?
“Jongin? You alright?” he hears the concern in the older boy’s soft voice and his wasted heart clenches once more.
“I don’t think - I don’t think I’m strong enough to let him go,” Jongin whispers to his lap. And even if I am, I don’t want to. I’m going to hold on.
Yixing silently tightens his hold on Jongin’s hand and starts drawing small circles into the tan skin with his thumb. The latter looks up to find a small smile playing on his lips.
“It’ll take time,” Yixing murmurs as he reaches over his free hand to brush away the stray strands of hair from Jongin’s teary orbs. “But eventually you’ll find someone else. Somebody who truly belongs to you and only you.”
But what if I don’t want to find someone else? What if there’s no one else? Jongin bites his lip.
“You found my brother,” he says simply.
“Yes, I found him. And I’ve never been happier in my life to know that I’ve found the person whom I want to spend the rest of my life with,” Yixing says with a smile so wide and bright it made his whole being brighten.
Something beneath Jongin’s ribcage tears and his heart struggles for air.
“Will I ever find that happiness?” he asks brokenly - dark orbs shimmering with unshed tears. “Will I - will I be able to find that someone who belongs to me?”
No.
“Of course you will, don’t be silly,” the older boy says and gently presses his lips to Jongin’s forehead. “Now shush, dry your eyes. Your brother’s coming and you know how he hates to see you cry.”
Jongin gives a loud sniff and takes in a deep breath, wiping his eyes dry with his fingers. “Yixing hyung? Can I have a hug?”
Yixing blinks at him.“You don’t even have to ask. Come here.”
Jongin lets go of Yixing’s hand and dives into Yixing’s outstretched arms. He hears a soft chuckle as his arms wind tightly around the elder’s waist. He feels a hand run through his hair as he buries his face into the other man’s pale neck, breathing in the intoxicating scent.
His heart breathes its last.
“Yixing? Jongin? What you two doing?”
-
“Yixing? Jongin? What you two doing?”
Jongin reluctantly pulls away and looks up at his brother. Kris is standing over the both of them, an arched eyebrow and an incomprehensible expression on his face. Beside him, Yixing quickly scrambles to his feet and latches himself to the eldest boy’s arm. Kris’ stony expression immediately softens and the edges of his lips curl upwards as he gazes at his boyfriend.
“Your baby brother and I were having a heart to heart,” Yixing chirps - eyes dancing and dimple indenting deeply into a soft cheek. “Jongin’s like a brother to me too you know?”
Brother. Am I really just a brother to you? Nothing more?
Kris looks briefly at Jongin before smiling back down at Yixing. “Oh? Is that so?” he says playfully. “Then why is he crying?”
“Did the naughty unicorn upset him?” he gently pinches the smaller man’s nose, soft fondness in the depths of his eyes.
“Don’t talk nonsense,” Yixing pouts lightly and tugs on Kris’ sleeve. “Kiss it better.”
Kris glances at Jongin.
Yixing whines. “Kris! Kiss it better.”
Jongin sends a small smile in his brother’s direction. Go ahead, don’t worry about me.
Kris frowns lightly before shrugging and bending down to kiss Yixing’s nose. The younger of the two quickly stands on tip-toes and meets the older man’s lips with his own. Kris makes a surprised noise at the back of his throat and starts to pull away when Yixing wraps his arms around his neck and deepens the kiss for a couple more seconds.
Kris happily obliges, his own arms coming round to wrap Yixing’s waist.
Jongin’s stomach lurches and he feels like throwing up.
-
When Yixing lowers himself such that both his feet are planted firmly on the ground, he rests his head on Kris’ broad shoulder. There’s an expression of absolute bliss etched into the panes of his face, a faint smile on his lips, and stars in his eyes - stars that could rival the brightness and beauty of those hanging in the skies.
Yixing was glowing.
He reaches down to find Kris’ hand and naturally intertwines their fingers together. Jongin notes that his brother’s hand completely envelopes Yixing’s smaller more delicate hand, and can’t help but to crack a smile despite the twinge he feels in the middle of his constricting chest.
He doesn’t notice that he’s staring until Kris gives an awkward cough and says to him. “Jongin? Dude, do you think I could steal Xing from you? Like, now?” he pauses to think. “You guys have finished your chat I assume?”
How can you steal something from me when it doesn’t belong to me in the first place?
The youngest plasters on a smile and replies softly, “Of course, he’s all yours.” Yours, not mine.
Kris shoots him a look, a look that clearly screams ‘are you sure?’ He shifts his gaze to the side, unwilling to let his older brother see the anguish swimming in his orbs. No, he cannot be that selfish.
“Are you coming with us, Jongin?” Yixing directs the question at him.
Jongin closes his eyes tiredly and turns away. Please just go.
No, don’t go. Don’t leave me.
He inhales deeply. “You go ahead. I need some time alone to think about what you said earlier.” He doesn’t see the frown on Kris’ brow or the worried look in Yixing’s eyes.
“Okay,” hears Yixing say softly, “don’t stay up for too long. The night air is getting chilly these days and the last thing I want is for you to fall sick.”
Jongin swallows and nods. “I won’t be long.” He wants to turn around to smile at the older boy, to assure him that he’s fine, but there are traitorous tears in his eyes and heaven forbid if Yixing should see them.
He feels a hand on his shoulder, giving it a light squeeze. Just go Kris, I’ll be alright.
-
Jongin waits till he hears footsteps getting farther and farther away before he slowly turns his head around, cheeks wet with tears.
He sees Yixing point up to the speckled sky and hears him whisper to Kris, “Isn’t it beautiful?” as the two older boys made their way down the stairs, the elder’s arm slung protectively around the younger’s back, long fingers curling around a shoulder.
“Yes,” he thinks, “absolutely beautiful.” His fast blurring gaze is trained on Yixing’s lean figure, dark eyes never leaving the retreating back. “You’re so beautiful it hurts.”
Jongin wipes his drowning orbs and turns back around. He looks up to the sky and whispers into the wind.
“Make it stop, please. I don’t want to hurt anymore.”
-
Once upon a time, you were mine. You belonged to me, and my arms were your home. Do you remember any of it? I do.
Once upon a time seems so far away, like a distant memory - a fading dream. I remember every second of it as if it was just yesterday.
A dream; or a nightmare? I find myself asking time after time, over and over again. I have yet to find an answer. Perhaps I never will.
They say that it’s better to have loved and lost, than to never have loved at all.
Is it really though?
I have loved you, and I have lost you as well. I tell myself that if I could turn back time, I would not love you.
Just so I can spare myself the pain and heartache I’m feeling right now.
But I know that with just one look at the smile on your face, one glance at the soft dancing lights in your eyes, one glimpse at the blooming rose on your ivory cheeks, and I’d fall for you all over again.
I’d fall faster and deeper than anyone else. I’d take the fall for you, only for you.
Because I love you. I still do.
And if I could, I’d shout it out to the universe for everyone to know.
I love you I love you I love you.
I would do anything to hear you whisper those words to me. I would go through hell to have those three words fall from your lips.
Just once. One more time, that’s all I’m asking.
I love you, Yixing.
So tell me, what must I do to have you back in my arms?
What must I do to make you love me again?
What can i do?
***
- there will be prequels & sequels following this so please hold your 1001 questions for now thanks.
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