the only thing that says constant is the fact that nothing does...

[pretend_it_is]

yeah.
that is bullshit.
"nothing changes but change".
but i think i have been improving.
i really do.
i went to therapy today.
and on the way there my mom was pissed and made me cry.
"is this even helping?!"
and it made me think.
god i hate that.
and at the time.
i was so upset and fighting back crying. that i couldnt help but think.
"hell no. nothing changes. gets better. improves. and things will always be this way."
i hate when emotions color all your memories and thoughts.
because that was wrong.
this year has been really good so far.
and im doing things that i never thought i could.
and im trying to look at things that would have once upset me greatly differently.
trying.
i only wish i was more independent.
i wish i didnt need other people approving of me for me to be okay with things.
i wish i didnt freak out obsess everytime i thought someone was mad at me.
i wish people not accepting apologies didnt kill me.
i wish i could do things on my own.

oh well.

one step at a time.