too many words but yet not enough
i am left here to face the absence of what was left of this organ i once called a heart. a symbol of something we are taught to desire now i no longer believe in. am i being too over melodramatic? no. i dont think so. i think i myself have walked the path freely to find this truth on my own. some of us must accept this that this emotion if yet another facade that society created to make us superficially feel good. these words make me cringe, they cause great discomfort and i am not certain how to explain to you how and why it makes me uneasy. we could all make educated guesses on the reason for this. one of which is how i grew up, the way i was left to create my own idea and concept about how a reltationship between a man and a women should be, how love should be portrayed, and how to gracefully take compliments. i can do none of these things, and by finally coming to terms with this i am one step closer from being away from you.
honestly before i allowed dishonesty into my life i had these views. this past year just left me with less trust, less faith, and less hope. lacking these allows you to better see truth. that i am most comfortible being uncomfortible, most at ease alone. i do not want to be a part of artificial "love". heck, i dont even believe in that concept any longer.
and since we are being so upfront about all of this, i wish nothing more then to stay in this safe state, away from deceptive words that are mistaken for flattery, for weapons used for the "hunt". i know how this all starts and i deffinitely am an expert at the end part of all of this. trust me, when you abandon, when you realize those words were never meant for these ears, i will stand as i always do, though these hands will shake once again, this heart will yet utter another murmur of regret that i let yet another lie steal my words and my thoughts and opinions of this matter- i will stand and watch you walk away if you let me, i have become accustomed to letting go, i am very good at this. i will allow this numbing sensation to spread as it has now. and i hope this numbing sensation doesnt cease to exist. i hope it continues on with its full purpose, to its full potential of never allowing me to make the mistake again of listening to romanticized words. i know how far that will get me. you will hear your own words and turn them towards one who deserves more.
one thing i have learned is this love thing is a joke. it is not real and never will be in my eyes again. and i truthfully am left, after quiet the strugle, content with this conclusion.
i have made many mistakes, which in turn have put a damper on my reputation, have hurt many of my closest and dearest friends -in turn has caused a loss of friends (which if i did believe in the concept of love i would say i loved them most. ps i loved you most). i have felt the sting of this "love" thing and i am up and over it now. to have that much control over another person, to be able to affect them to that extent is a responsibility i do not wish upon myself.
terribly sorry. i must admit i was not crafted or purposed for this "love" thing
honestly before i allowed dishonesty into my life i had these views. this past year just left me with less trust, less faith, and less hope. lacking these allows you to better see truth. that i am most comfortible being uncomfortible, most at ease alone. i do not want to be a part of artificial "love". heck, i dont even believe in that concept any longer.
and since we are being so upfront about all of this, i wish nothing more then to stay in this safe state, away from deceptive words that are mistaken for flattery, for weapons used for the "hunt". i know how this all starts and i deffinitely am an expert at the end part of all of this. trust me, when you abandon, when you realize those words were never meant for these ears, i will stand as i always do, though these hands will shake once again, this heart will yet utter another murmur of regret that i let yet another lie steal my words and my thoughts and opinions of this matter- i will stand and watch you walk away if you let me, i have become accustomed to letting go, i am very good at this. i will allow this numbing sensation to spread as it has now. and i hope this numbing sensation doesnt cease to exist. i hope it continues on with its full purpose, to its full potential of never allowing me to make the mistake again of listening to romanticized words. i know how far that will get me. you will hear your own words and turn them towards one who deserves more.
one thing i have learned is this love thing is a joke. it is not real and never will be in my eyes again. and i truthfully am left, after quiet the strugle, content with this conclusion.
i have made many mistakes, which in turn have put a damper on my reputation, have hurt many of my closest and dearest friends -in turn has caused a loss of friends (which if i did believe in the concept of love i would say i loved them most. ps i loved you most). i have felt the sting of this "love" thing and i am up and over it now. to have that much control over another person, to be able to affect them to that extent is a responsibility i do not wish upon myself.
terribly sorry. i must admit i was not crafted or purposed for this "love" thing