Long time
Wow. It's been ages. In all likelyhood no one will read this...ever but I guess this is just for me. Ahh it seems like just yesterday, that everything was crashing down, life seemed oh so complicated and hetic, but how I loved it. Now that everything is great, I have more friends, more fun, a better job, and nothing really bad going on I can't help but feel unfullfilled. I feel as if I need something to test myself again, when it was Hannah I had something to fight, somthing to hate, and it pushed me. Now all I have are a sea of possiblites, none of which I can persue, a life that seems great but no excitment. It's sick to think this, but I would love to have something to fight for again, a girl that seems within my reach, a goal I need to get to, something to win, someone to hold on to. All my life it's been this way, I can only make myself better when I HAVE to, not when I want to. These days, all that happens with is I get blown off for a (better) friend, or yet again have fallen into the same old shoulder to cry on. Sometimes I just want to tell these girls, you know I really don't need just another friend (no offense) I really want something more. But I can't do that, it's just wrong you know. It's been this way lately. I guess it's because I actually have come around to the idea that one day I won't always be able to really on fast talking, and a quick wit to be happy. I guess more over I need someone to share time with that I can at least delve into life with. More over people I talk to these days seem to shy away from things that scare or confuse them. All I want is someone that I can talk to about what's going through my head. There are somethings that I want at least one person to know, so that I won't be the only one holding it in. These days fear is my worst enemy fear that everyone is right. Fear that I am only going to be "just friends" my entire life. Everyone thinks of me as "that guy" just the other day I heard people talking about me, and I was refered to as the "ewww Max". I guess that's what people really think, but for once I would like the chance to at least present a counter point, a comeback something. What happened to the good old days of tricking me into a faulty realtionship?