Seriously for a minute.
I wonder what it's like to be only seventeen years old and see the world through the eyes of a fifty-year-old man who's seen nothing but war and death all his life. I remember at that age I was worried about school and that pretty girl who worked the magazine stand down the street every Saturday. Hell, I'm forty-five now and have been through a lot, and still don't see things as he does. I know this is my fault. I should have known and I would have had I bothered to go home, back after I rescued Elle. Who the hell does someone not know he has a son? Guess its a talent exclusively reserved for me.
But I can't complain too much, I guess. He's strong, right? He's talented, right? He's smart, right? He's strong and talented and smart and healthy and witty and a shining carbon copy of his mother. He's the commander over an elite force of soldiers, because he is so strong, talented, smart and healthy. He never went without, he always had shelter, food, friends...
But never a family. And it's my fault. And now he's damaged for life because of me. I let him down, I let his mother down, and he's going to suffer the rest of his years in life. Because of me. He'll never trust fully, he'll never let out a laugh of pure happiness.
...He'll never know what it's like to go out with his friends to a bar just to watch a cute piano player play that he's been crushing on for months. He'll never have friends that will try to convince him to get up and talk to her because without them he'll be too embarassed to. Or the embarrassment of actually listening to them.
He'll never know what it's like to do a lot of things, and it's sad that it took being here for me to realize how badly I messed up.
I leave this in the open, so he can see, as I have no secrets from him or anyone.
...
I convinced him to come back and rest though, before he goes out to find Rinoa and anyone else... that... may... need finding. I'm hoping that means sleeping too, for him. I really do. He looks godawful. Like he's coming down with the flu. The last block getting here was fun as he almost kissed pavement from disorientation. I hope he'll spend the time here to rest and sleep.
But I can't complain too much, I guess. He's strong, right? He's talented, right? He's smart, right? He's strong and talented and smart and healthy and witty and a shining carbon copy of his mother. He's the commander over an elite force of soldiers, because he is so strong, talented, smart and healthy. He never went without, he always had shelter, food, friends...
But never a family. And it's my fault. And now he's damaged for life because of me. I let him down, I let his mother down, and he's going to suffer the rest of his years in life. Because of me. He'll never trust fully, he'll never let out a laugh of pure happiness.
...He'll never know what it's like to go out with his friends to a bar just to watch a cute piano player play that he's been crushing on for months. He'll never have friends that will try to convince him to get up and talk to her because without them he'll be too embarassed to. Or the embarrassment of actually listening to them.
He'll never know what it's like to do a lot of things, and it's sad that it took being here for me to realize how badly I messed up.
I leave this in the open, so he can see, as I have no secrets from him or anyone.
...
I convinced him to come back and rest though, before he goes out to find Rinoa and anyone else... that... may... need finding. I'm hoping that means sleeping too, for him. I really do. He looks godawful. Like he's coming down with the flu. The last block getting here was fun as he almost kissed pavement from disorientation. I hope he'll spend the time here to rest and sleep.