heartbroken and confused
well today didnt turn out like i expected. it went from being a really good and exciting day to a bad one.
idk what it is but my heart isnt with charlie anymore. now DONT get me wrong i LOVE charlie to DEATH and there is NOTHING i want MORE than to be with him FOREVER but the way he is isnt clickin wit me anymore. i get on his case alot simply because im not happy with the way he is treatin me. i mean hes not a BAD BOYFRIEND but he doesnt have my expectations that much. i jus wish he would be more romantic, caring, and understanding to my feelings. and i tell him this over and over again and he says he will try and nothing ever changes. in the end i jus feel this emptiness and my heart literally feels broken inside. idk what to do. you guys seriously dont know how much i love this kid and how much i want things to work. but i feel that if i stay with him im jus gonna be hurting inside. everytime i look at him ALL i think bout is the pain that he makes me feel. and like i said maybe its jus me cuz he really isnt all that bad of a boyfriend. idk guys im confused.
anyway so today charlie had gotten into his bitchy moods. so at this point i was all excited cuz he was comin over and we were gonna go on the hospital tour together and stuff. then i heard his attitude and he totally turned me off. i got really upset cuz i feel like that EVERYTIME im in a good mood he gets me in a BAD ONE. so i was like fuck it stay home i dont want u comin, my parents will come and be there to support me unlike you. so he got pissed and was like aight fuck it now im definatly not comin. but honestly i feel like regardless if i told him not to come he should of came anyway cuz this is his baby and he shoulda been a lil more concerned. but obviously he wasnt cuz he didnt come. i was so upset you dont even know!! i wanted him to be there so bad.
so i went there and EVERYONE was with there hubbys and guess who annmarie was there with? HER PARENTS. i was so embarassed and crushed. i seriously kinda felt alone even tho my parents were there to support me. then when we got there my dad saw a guy that he worked with there. and the guy didnt know that i was pregnant before he seen me. so then afta i got introduced to him and we all said bye my dad was like "great i ran into that asshole and now hes gonna tell the whole job" it was kinda like he was ashamed of me bein pregnant which is understandable but it made me feel like shit and i dont even think my dad noticed that it did. that jus made me depressed more. so as i was seen all the stuff : the delivery rooms, the new born babys, etc. i jus got really really scaired and thinkin to myself that im gonna do all this without the support of the person that made me go threw all of this. i kno i got a precious baby inside but it hurts to know that her daddy and mommy cant even get along b4 she is even in this world.
sorry this entry is so long i needed to let out my feelings. i hope u guys read it all which u prolly wont cuz its so damn long but if u did read it all plz leave comments and lemme know what i should do. =\
idk what it is but my heart isnt with charlie anymore. now DONT get me wrong i LOVE charlie to DEATH and there is NOTHING i want MORE than to be with him FOREVER but the way he is isnt clickin wit me anymore. i get on his case alot simply because im not happy with the way he is treatin me. i mean hes not a BAD BOYFRIEND but he doesnt have my expectations that much. i jus wish he would be more romantic, caring, and understanding to my feelings. and i tell him this over and over again and he says he will try and nothing ever changes. in the end i jus feel this emptiness and my heart literally feels broken inside. idk what to do. you guys seriously dont know how much i love this kid and how much i want things to work. but i feel that if i stay with him im jus gonna be hurting inside. everytime i look at him ALL i think bout is the pain that he makes me feel. and like i said maybe its jus me cuz he really isnt all that bad of a boyfriend. idk guys im confused.
anyway so today charlie had gotten into his bitchy moods. so at this point i was all excited cuz he was comin over and we were gonna go on the hospital tour together and stuff. then i heard his attitude and he totally turned me off. i got really upset cuz i feel like that EVERYTIME im in a good mood he gets me in a BAD ONE. so i was like fuck it stay home i dont want u comin, my parents will come and be there to support me unlike you. so he got pissed and was like aight fuck it now im definatly not comin. but honestly i feel like regardless if i told him not to come he should of came anyway cuz this is his baby and he shoulda been a lil more concerned. but obviously he wasnt cuz he didnt come. i was so upset you dont even know!! i wanted him to be there so bad.
so i went there and EVERYONE was with there hubbys and guess who annmarie was there with? HER PARENTS. i was so embarassed and crushed. i seriously kinda felt alone even tho my parents were there to support me. then when we got there my dad saw a guy that he worked with there. and the guy didnt know that i was pregnant before he seen me. so then afta i got introduced to him and we all said bye my dad was like "great i ran into that asshole and now hes gonna tell the whole job" it was kinda like he was ashamed of me bein pregnant which is understandable but it made me feel like shit and i dont even think my dad noticed that it did. that jus made me depressed more. so as i was seen all the stuff : the delivery rooms, the new born babys, etc. i jus got really really scaired and thinkin to myself that im gonna do all this without the support of the person that made me go threw all of this. i kno i got a precious baby inside but it hurts to know that her daddy and mommy cant even get along b4 she is even in this world.
sorry this entry is so long i needed to let out my feelings. i hope u guys read it all which u prolly wont cuz its so damn long but if u did read it all plz leave comments and lemme know what i should do. =\