(no subject)
Guilt.
Last friday I played with the kids* and held Shir in my hands in an "airplain" position, supporting her legs and chest and lifting her kind of like weights way above my head. After about 15 minutes maybe a bit more I got tired so I put her down but she kept asking that I'll do it again, so I did for about 5 more minutes and then just held her in my arms. She continued saying "again, again" and started scratching at my face. Now she's not yet even three years old so her nails are very soft. I guess it was more of a "grabbing" motion, directed to my cheeks and lip. it hurt just a little bit but I immidiately lowered her to about two inches above the bed and let her fall.
I'm sure it didn't hurt but she did start to cry because it was frightening for her to be suddenly dropped like that, esspecially because she trusts me completely.
I've been trying to calm my guilt by saying to myself that it's not a big deal, kids go through much worse, it's not like I hurt her physically or anything remotely like that, the fact that her parents behave much much worse and almost every reasonable excuse I could come to think of, and it's all true too, except the fact that I cannot forget her face of broken trust.
*Khai and Shir. 4 and almost 3 respectively. They are Irit's nephew and niece. Their biological dad is a jerk that made kids, divorced, and now he just takes them from the mother on weekends because he has to. He is never home and if he is he's asleep so I'm pretty much their weekend dad...
Last friday I played with the kids* and held Shir in my hands in an "airplain" position, supporting her legs and chest and lifting her kind of like weights way above my head. After about 15 minutes maybe a bit more I got tired so I put her down but she kept asking that I'll do it again, so I did for about 5 more minutes and then just held her in my arms. She continued saying "again, again" and started scratching at my face. Now she's not yet even three years old so her nails are very soft. I guess it was more of a "grabbing" motion, directed to my cheeks and lip. it hurt just a little bit but I immidiately lowered her to about two inches above the bed and let her fall.
I'm sure it didn't hurt but she did start to cry because it was frightening for her to be suddenly dropped like that, esspecially because she trusts me completely.
I've been trying to calm my guilt by saying to myself that it's not a big deal, kids go through much worse, it's not like I hurt her physically or anything remotely like that, the fact that her parents behave much much worse and almost every reasonable excuse I could come to think of, and it's all true too, except the fact that I cannot forget her face of broken trust.
*Khai and Shir. 4 and almost 3 respectively. They are Irit's nephew and niece. Their biological dad is a jerk that made kids, divorced, and now he just takes them from the mother on weekends because he has to. He is never home and if he is he's asleep so I'm pretty much their weekend dad...