Christ on a cracker......
Did you ever have that feeling that you might actually find the light you see at the end of the tunnel? I felt like that for a brief moment, but then the feeling was lost. It's like you don't know what to do, you kind of find yourself running in circles, but then you're on a straightaway. He's amazing, you know he is, but you don't know what to do. Not a lul in conversation, and definately never a dull moment. He's always there (kind of) and you kind of think that maybe in the long run, he'll always be there. His eyes, absolutely gorgeous, the kind you could get lost in, if you'd look at them. The weird feeling you got definately shot through your whole body, and the fact that he's sweet really rubbed it in. Looking back you see that maybe you've been making wrong decisions most of your life. Looking at the ex boyfriends, even the ex friends, you realize that decision making really wasn't in the cards for you. They always say "Treat a girl like you would treat your mother." I really hope half the guys I've been with don't treat their mothers the way they've treated me. I feel like I do something wrong all the time, something that definately makes people think that I'm the wrong choice. I'm not, not by any means am I the wrong choice. I think, most of the time, I treat people way too well, and all I get in return is a slap in the face, or a kick in the other direction. Think about it, I may not be one of the prettiest girls, and I may not fit the description of what every guy wants, but it's not always what's on the outside that matters most. I think that most people are too shallow to see what's underneath, and I think that no one really wants to get to know a person anyway. It's weird, my mind doesn't seem to be able to be stationary. It's going in all directions, wanting so many things, but is still hiding behind the same fesade that it's been approached by so many times. Are you misleading me? Trying to make me feel better after all the wrong doings of everyone else, and then you're going to up and leave without a look in my general direction..... It's happened so many times, how could I not be expecting it. I really feel like I could be a good friend to anyone, even a bum off the street. People just don't stay around long enough to get to know me, and find out how good of a person I really am. It's fucking weird how all of a sudden I get this urge to just be someone else, someone who people wouldn't see through. I'm not half as bad as people make me out to be. A bitch? Maybe, but everyone has their moments. It's a shame that you'll never know, because it would be worth a try. I'm never going to let you in, never going to let you close enough to get the best of me. I really hope that you realize the things you've done to me. I hope you know that you're the person that could really turn things around. :]