The 'What If?' Anxiety
I just got home from watching V's band perform at the Esplanade. It was kinda enjoyable watching silly V. BLOW his saxophone. He looked goofy, in a cute kinda way...as usual...off and on stage. On the whole, the performance was entertaining as the band played all-too-familiar and memorable tunes from 'Miss Saigon', 'Star Wars' and performed a serenade to Teresa Teng's 'Yue Liang Dai Biao Wo De Xin', among other interesting arrangements. They actually gave us light sticks to wave to that nostalgic Asian legend's love song. The encore pieces, a Christmas medley and 'In the Mood' were reminiscent of good old band days when I was still playing the flute. Those kinda brought out the sentimental in me as I recalled the thrill of being a part of a band. At the end of the performance, A. and I waited for V. to have supper with him and suddenly, I was brought back to reality.
Yup, a few more hours to go before I have a sense of where my life is heading. I swear this is probably the most nerve-wrecking moment I've ever felt in my entire existence. I somehow wish that lightning would just strike me dead so that I don't have to face the truth. Perhaps it is only apt for me to cry out loud now that the truth does hurt...and it's hurting too much...I'm still hopeful that everything will be ok. What if something bad happens? What if I no longer enjoy the privileges that God has given me thus far? What if I lose everything that is dear to me? I know I am strong but amidst all these uncertainties, I'm not sure anymore. Keeping my fingers crossed and may God bless me so that I can hold on to all the good things that he has given me all these years...
Yup, a few more hours to go before I have a sense of where my life is heading. I swear this is probably the most nerve-wrecking moment I've ever felt in my entire existence. I somehow wish that lightning would just strike me dead so that I don't have to face the truth. Perhaps it is only apt for me to cry out loud now that the truth does hurt...and it's hurting too much...I'm still hopeful that everything will be ok. What if something bad happens? What if I no longer enjoy the privileges that God has given me thus far? What if I lose everything that is dear to me? I know I am strong but amidst all these uncertainties, I'm not sure anymore. Keeping my fingers crossed and may God bless me so that I can hold on to all the good things that he has given me all these years...