Twilight
And so it begins. Please note that everything centered is quoted and obviously not mine. Be advised this post contains many Buffy references.
Twilight/ Midnight Sun
*For the unfinished raw draft of Midnight Sun, please see: www.stepheniemeyer.com
Summary:
Bella moves to Forks, WA. Bella hates green living things. All the boys at school want to bone her. Bella is confused because apparently she's never met a teenage boy before. They want to sex everything...EVERYTHING.
Cordelia: Well, does looking at guns make you wanna have sex?
Xander: I'm seventeen. Looking at linoleum makes me wanna have sex.
-Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Anyway, Bella goes to lunch and meets...OMG. The, like, most beautiful family in the entire world! And the bronze-haired brother is just...OMG. And Bella realizes that she could care less about the other boys in school. She wants that one. He is PERFECT. And trust me...you are going to hear about how perfect Edward is for the REST OF THE SERIES.
Edward saves Bella's life from a van that is impossibly going to slide into her. Seriously yinz, I read that part like forty times and I still can't get the logistics. He moves her out of the way, but the van turns and is going to hit her again and...you know what, WHATEV. Maybe the best thing Edward could have done was let the van kill her. Then we wouldn't have New Moon.
So Bella's all like "How'd you get over here so fast?" And Edward's all "I was standing right next to you, DUH." Bella doesn't buy it and continues to sulk for about 40 pages.
Enter Jacob Black, future werewolf, best friend, love interest, enemy. Jacob explains to Bella about the "cold ones". Bella is dense and all like, "Wha?" Jacob then proceeds to spell it out for her: "V-A-M-P-I-R-E". She still doesn't fully grasp this and decides to google it. After she gets through all the Buffy links (i.e. www.AngelcouldkickEddie'sass.com), she finds every single outrageous story about vamps that Stephenie Meyer could find.
Bella confronts Edward, after Edward spills his guts in a restuarant. He can read minds, no that's not par for the course he's special, he does drink blood, just not human blood, no that's not par for the course either. He's a vampire freak, she's unable to walk three feet without falling over. They can be freaks together.
They go to Edward's favorite meadow (Jesus Christ, he has a favorite meadow....when he's alone he prances around it humming to himself throwing flower petals into the air) and he sparkles for her. Srsly. He sparkles. Bella does some research on this phenomenon and finds www.crackSMwassmokingwhenshecameupwiththis.com.
SparkleEdward takes Bella to meet the Cullens. He and his family play baseball while Bella watches. I cannot make this up. Vampires playing baseball. I guess I shouldn't be so surprised. Spike really enjoys the Blooming Onion.
Anyway, three real vampires show up, bringin in the noise and the funk. Bella's life is in jeopardy. Edward tries to protect her. James uses the most overplayed trick in the book to get Bella alone. He succeeds because Bella is that girl in a horror movie that you scream at "No, Don't go in there! He's waiting! OMG! 'Bitch get out the room! Bitch get out the room!'"
Edward and Co. arrive before James can kill Bella, but not before he takes a free sample. Edward's all like "Oh no you di'int. That's my Kool-Aid bitch." So the Cullens kill James. Edward sucks the venom out and Bella wakes up in a hospital. Where, let's face it. She probably should be. The girl can't stand on her own two feet without falling over. Didn't she ever WebMD that shit? She could have an inner ear problem or something...Okay, Anyway. Edward promises to never leave Bella. They go to prom and Bella decides she wants to be a vampire. Edward thinks not.
Analysis:
Bella is a horrible role model for teenage girls. She swoons. My God...she swoons! She can't stand the smell of blood. I get the irony that Meyer was trying to introduce, but it just makes her seem weak. Which is what she esentially is. She swoons when Edward kisses her. She swoons when she looks in his eyes. She swoons when he touches her. She doesn't have feelings. She has fainting spells.
I would talk about how often we hear about Edward's eyes, his smell, his body, his smile...but I'd rather link you to another journal. Nothing I say here compares to the cold hard stats that a very patient person calculated.
otahyoni.livejournal.com/130432.html#cutid1
Edward is a typical brooding vampire. Except for the sparkling, we've all been there before with Angel. The one exception; Angel handled it, like ten thousand times better than Edward. Edward is controlling and let's face it, he's a dick. Physically, he's the perfect man. Emotionally, he's worth avoiding. His controlling nature leads to an abusive relationship. He's only doing what's best for Bella without caring what she thinks.
I don't know Stephenie Meyer's personal background. But it's obvious that a part of her is coming through in Bella. She once stated that Bella is a feminist, because feminism is about choice. That is true, but Bella's choice is to put her entire future in the hands of Edward, a MAN. Feminism is about more than choice. It's about believing in who you are as a woman. Bella loses her identity with Edward. She shuns her family and her friends for this one "perfect" guy.
And just one more note: Edward was in Bella's room every night while she slept. That is just....I'm shuddering right now just thinking about it. It is just...ugh. Creepy.
I could go on, but I really need to stop myself. Next up: New Moon
Twilight/ Midnight Sun
*For the unfinished raw draft of Midnight Sun, please see: www.stepheniemeyer.com
Summary:
Bella moves to Forks, WA. Bella hates green living things. All the boys at school want to bone her. Bella is confused because apparently she's never met a teenage boy before. They want to sex everything...EVERYTHING.
Cordelia: Well, does looking at guns make you wanna have sex?
Xander: I'm seventeen. Looking at linoleum makes me wanna have sex.
-Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Anyway, Bella goes to lunch and meets...OMG. The, like, most beautiful family in the entire world! And the bronze-haired brother is just...OMG. And Bella realizes that she could care less about the other boys in school. She wants that one. He is PERFECT. And trust me...you are going to hear about how perfect Edward is for the REST OF THE SERIES.
Edward saves Bella's life from a van that is impossibly going to slide into her. Seriously yinz, I read that part like forty times and I still can't get the logistics. He moves her out of the way, but the van turns and is going to hit her again and...you know what, WHATEV. Maybe the best thing Edward could have done was let the van kill her. Then we wouldn't have New Moon.
So Bella's all like "How'd you get over here so fast?" And Edward's all "I was standing right next to you, DUH." Bella doesn't buy it and continues to sulk for about 40 pages.
Enter Jacob Black, future werewolf, best friend, love interest, enemy. Jacob explains to Bella about the "cold ones". Bella is dense and all like, "Wha?" Jacob then proceeds to spell it out for her: "V-A-M-P-I-R-E". She still doesn't fully grasp this and decides to google it. After she gets through all the Buffy links (i.e. www.AngelcouldkickEddie'sass.com), she finds every single outrageous story about vamps that Stephenie Meyer could find.
Bella confronts Edward, after Edward spills his guts in a restuarant. He can read minds, no that's not par for the course he's special, he does drink blood, just not human blood, no that's not par for the course either. He's a vampire freak, she's unable to walk three feet without falling over. They can be freaks together.
They go to Edward's favorite meadow (Jesus Christ, he has a favorite meadow....when he's alone he prances around it humming to himself throwing flower petals into the air) and he sparkles for her. Srsly. He sparkles. Bella does some research on this phenomenon and finds www.crackSMwassmokingwhenshecameupwiththis.com.
SparkleEdward takes Bella to meet the Cullens. He and his family play baseball while Bella watches. I cannot make this up. Vampires playing baseball. I guess I shouldn't be so surprised. Spike really enjoys the Blooming Onion.
Anyway, three real vampires show up, bringin in the noise and the funk. Bella's life is in jeopardy. Edward tries to protect her. James uses the most overplayed trick in the book to get Bella alone. He succeeds because Bella is that girl in a horror movie that you scream at "No, Don't go in there! He's waiting! OMG! 'Bitch get out the room! Bitch get out the room!'"
Edward and Co. arrive before James can kill Bella, but not before he takes a free sample. Edward's all like "Oh no you di'int. That's my Kool-Aid bitch." So the Cullens kill James. Edward sucks the venom out and Bella wakes up in a hospital. Where, let's face it. She probably should be. The girl can't stand on her own two feet without falling over. Didn't she ever WebMD that shit? She could have an inner ear problem or something...Okay, Anyway. Edward promises to never leave Bella. They go to prom and Bella decides she wants to be a vampire. Edward thinks not.
Analysis:
Bella is a horrible role model for teenage girls. She swoons. My God...she swoons! She can't stand the smell of blood. I get the irony that Meyer was trying to introduce, but it just makes her seem weak. Which is what she esentially is. She swoons when Edward kisses her. She swoons when she looks in his eyes. She swoons when he touches her. She doesn't have feelings. She has fainting spells.
I would talk about how often we hear about Edward's eyes, his smell, his body, his smile...but I'd rather link you to another journal. Nothing I say here compares to the cold hard stats that a very patient person calculated.
otahyoni.livejournal.com/130432.html#cutid1
Edward is a typical brooding vampire. Except for the sparkling, we've all been there before with Angel. The one exception; Angel handled it, like ten thousand times better than Edward. Edward is controlling and let's face it, he's a dick. Physically, he's the perfect man. Emotionally, he's worth avoiding. His controlling nature leads to an abusive relationship. He's only doing what's best for Bella without caring what she thinks.
I don't know Stephenie Meyer's personal background. But it's obvious that a part of her is coming through in Bella. She once stated that Bella is a feminist, because feminism is about choice. That is true, but Bella's choice is to put her entire future in the hands of Edward, a MAN. Feminism is about more than choice. It's about believing in who you are as a woman. Bella loses her identity with Edward. She shuns her family and her friends for this one "perfect" guy.
And just one more note: Edward was in Bella's room every night while she slept. That is just....I'm shuddering right now just thinking about it. It is just...ugh. Creepy.
I could go on, but I really need to stop myself. Next up: New Moon