(no subject)
what an exciting night. i went out with jamie to go see frank at k-mart and jamie called my mom to ask if it was ok if i could go to her house until 8:30-9. well we didn't exactly go to jamies right away. we went to brad's house. it was ok i guess. it was so much fun watching jamie flirt with brad while me and jason were just there. o-well that's not the point. i get home and my mom asks me where i was. i said jamies cuz that's where i said i was gonna be. well i guess my dad called over there to yell at me or something and jamie's mom said there we were supposed to be at my house. omg! my dad freaked out at me. so i said we were hanging out a k-mart cuz we were for a little bit. what's the big fucking deal? i was home at the time i said i was going to be. omg i just wanna leave!!! i can't be in this house much longer. then my dad took away my cell phone and told me to find my own way to school and home from work. fuck you dude. seriously. I HATE HIM SOOO MUCH!! if he dies tomorrow i will laugh at his funeral. no joke. i am so upset. he just wants to start shit with someone and my brother's aren't here. all i wanna do is cry. and i have no one to talk to. that's the sad part. i mean i could call some of my friends but my two best friends...well i'm scared to talk to them. i can't really talk to jessica cuz last night she didn't wanna tell me about her problems cuz she doesn't wanna complain. well if i talk to her now what is she gonna think? that i'm complaining...excately. i can't call jamie cuz i probably got her in trouble. sorry jamie that my dad is the biggest fucking prick in the whole world. he's out to get everyone in trouble. right now i'm seriously looking at a bottle of ..... and i'm wondering who in this fucking world would miss me if i did anything right now. i can't stop shaking either. i'm scared. i don't want to do anything but i'm a fucking mess up in this world. there is no fucking point in me being here. i've never felt this way in my life. i know i've talked about being a mess up before but now i've thought about it and i am. everything my father has said to me or about me is right. every bad thing anyone has every said...they're right. it took me this long to realize it and now it hurts more than ever!! idk what i'm going to do. i just have to think about everything going on in my life. the good and the bad. and i'm going to have to deal with it. i can't wait to get out of this house tho. i just hope i live that long to get out, into the real world way from my father who is making my life a LIVING HELL!!!!!!!!!!!!