Merry Christmas - Fic
Ok this is really awfully written and I wasn't really trying when I wrote it...it's a pretty awful fic actually but I had fun so...yeah.
MERRY CHRISTMAS!
Title: Mistletoe of DOOM! or Why Merlin Is Not a Bard
Rating: PG
Characters/Pairing: Arthur, Merlin
Word Count: 828 words
Disclaimer: Do not own.
Summary: In which Arthur is bored and Merlin speaks in capital letters.
Prompt: Mistletoe
AN: First of all Merry Christmas, secondly, this is not intended to be well written or well characterised or at all good, it is simply a piece of cracky, fun bullshit (with bad illustrations) that I bashed out for your Christmas enjoyment! =DD
"Merliiiiin," Arthur's whiny and ultimately un-princely voice filled the air as he lounged in his favourite chair, watching his manservant tidy his chambers, "Merlin I'm bored. I demand you entertain me at once,"
Merlin continued to shuffle around the Prince's chambers, picking up dirty clothes and rearranging every sparkling clean pair of Arthur's boots into a neat row.
"Merlin! Stop ignoring me! I said I'm bored!" Arthur huffed childishly.
Merlin rolled his eyes and straightened up, turning to face the prince, "Arthur, you are a grown man, you are perfectly capable of entertaining yourself," he said tersely.
Arthur pouted at his insubordinate manservant, "That is not the point! I gave you an order and you're supposed to obey it. Now entertain me!"
Merlin sighed and set down the pair of boots he was shining, knowing that he was fighting a losing battle. "How?" he asked, sitting down on the edge of the table.
"Hmmm..." Arthur considered it for a moment, one hand rubbing his chin and Merlin wondered if it was for purely theatrical purposes or if it actually helped the young man think.
"Tell me a story," the Prince demanded, shattering the pensive fog that had surrounded Merlin, "A Christmas story!"
Merlin raised a dark eyebrow, "A Christmas story?"
"Yes, a Christmas story. And none of that 'twas the night before Christmas' crap. I want action, adventure! I want people getting eaten by giant monsters or something,"
Merlin stared for a moment at Arthur who was wearing a slightly deranged grin and wondered if the man was serious. Arthur started maniacally expectantly back at him. Merlin decided he was.
What Merlin wanted to do was ask Arthur if he was aware of who he was, or even how old he was but he knew, from previous….incidents that Arthur did not take kindly to being reminded that he was not five years old.
Instead the young warlock repressed a sigh and took a deep breath, reluctantly beginning the story, “So there was this village called….uh….called Riverbend and-,”
Merlin was interrupted by Arthur’s deeply un-royal snort, “Riverbend? Are you serious?”
Blue eyes narrowed into an annoyed glare, “Be quiet I’m doing my best. It’s not as though I had an action-adventure Christmas story with giant monsters that eat people already prepared,”
“Why not?” Arthur demanded, “You really are an awful manservant,”
Merlin could not tell if Arthur was joking or not so, instead of pondering the issue, he continued with the story, “It was early in the holiday season when the people of Riverbend-,” he silenced the amused Arthur with a sharp glare, “-began to notice suspicious clusters of mistletoe growing in their plants,”
“Suspicious clusters of mistletoe?” Arthur snickered.
“Stop interrupting me or I will leave. Do you want me to entertain you or not?”
Arthur nodded, trying very hard to persuade his features to look somewhat more serious than “I Am About To Explode With Laughter And It Will Probably Be Messy”
“Good. So, the townsfolk consulted the village botanist-,”
“What kind of village has its own botanist?”
“Arthur!”
“Sorry,”
“Where was I? Oh yes, so the botanist goes with the farmers to inspect the mistletoe, expecting just regular old mistletoe. However he was very surprised and disturbed to discover that it was not just regular mistletoe that was infecting the plants but MISTLETOE OF DOOM!”
Arthur laughed noisily but did not speak, somehow engrossed in the awful story.
Merlin cleared his throat, glancing quickly at Arthur before continuing, “The botanist tells the farmers that this mistletoe will bring DOOM upon the village unless they remove it immediately. So the farmers spend the entire day finding all of the infected plants and hacking the mistletoe out until finally, when the sun is almost set, they finish their work and go back home to their wives. They sleep peacefully knowing that their families are safe from the imminent doom the mistletoe would have brought,”
“Is that it? Where are the monsters?” Arthur asked.
“No that’s not it!” Merlin snapped back at him, “The monsters are coming, just be patient. The next morning the farmers rise bright and early to tend to their crops but find their fields empty of everything but…..MISTLETOE!!”
Arthur gasped dramatically and Merlin resisted the urge to punch the prat in the face.
“Only each bush of mistletoe is now ten times larger than it had been when the farmers had cut it down, with fangs and eyes and claws. Now the clusters of mistletoe were no longer plants but MAN EATING MONSTERS!!”
“Man eating mistletoe monsters?”
“Yes. They ate all of the farmers and then the rest of the villagers and Christmas was not at all merry that year in the village of Riverbend. The End,”
Arthur blinked at his manservant, “You are really awful at telling stories,” he stated as he sat up in his chair.
“It’s probably a good thing I’m you’re manservant and not a bard then isn’t it?”
“Yeah, probably,”
PH3AR MY ART SKILLZ!
Drawn in black biro, coloured in photoshop.
And yes, I am aware that that is holly, not mistletoe but, really, mistletoe doesn’t look that threatening.
MERRY CHRISTMAS!
Title: Mistletoe of DOOM! or Why Merlin Is Not a Bard
Rating: PG
Characters/Pairing: Arthur, Merlin
Word Count: 828 words
Disclaimer: Do not own.
Summary: In which Arthur is bored and Merlin speaks in capital letters.
Prompt: Mistletoe
AN: First of all Merry Christmas, secondly, this is not intended to be well written or well characterised or at all good, it is simply a piece of cracky, fun bullshit (with bad illustrations) that I bashed out for your Christmas enjoyment! =DD
"Merliiiiin," Arthur's whiny and ultimately un-princely voice filled the air as he lounged in his favourite chair, watching his manservant tidy his chambers, "Merlin I'm bored. I demand you entertain me at once,"
Merlin continued to shuffle around the Prince's chambers, picking up dirty clothes and rearranging every sparkling clean pair of Arthur's boots into a neat row.
"Merlin! Stop ignoring me! I said I'm bored!" Arthur huffed childishly.
Merlin rolled his eyes and straightened up, turning to face the prince, "Arthur, you are a grown man, you are perfectly capable of entertaining yourself," he said tersely.
Arthur pouted at his insubordinate manservant, "That is not the point! I gave you an order and you're supposed to obey it. Now entertain me!"
Merlin sighed and set down the pair of boots he was shining, knowing that he was fighting a losing battle. "How?" he asked, sitting down on the edge of the table.
"Hmmm..." Arthur considered it for a moment, one hand rubbing his chin and Merlin wondered if it was for purely theatrical purposes or if it actually helped the young man think.
"Tell me a story," the Prince demanded, shattering the pensive fog that had surrounded Merlin, "A Christmas story!"
Merlin raised a dark eyebrow, "A Christmas story?"
"Yes, a Christmas story. And none of that 'twas the night before Christmas' crap. I want action, adventure! I want people getting eaten by giant monsters or something,"
Merlin stared for a moment at Arthur who was wearing a slightly deranged grin and wondered if the man was serious. Arthur started maniacally expectantly back at him. Merlin decided he was.
What Merlin wanted to do was ask Arthur if he was aware of who he was, or even how old he was but he knew, from previous….incidents that Arthur did not take kindly to being reminded that he was not five years old.
Instead the young warlock repressed a sigh and took a deep breath, reluctantly beginning the story, “So there was this village called….uh….called Riverbend and-,”
Merlin was interrupted by Arthur’s deeply un-royal snort, “Riverbend? Are you serious?”
Blue eyes narrowed into an annoyed glare, “Be quiet I’m doing my best. It’s not as though I had an action-adventure Christmas story with giant monsters that eat people already prepared,”
“Why not?” Arthur demanded, “You really are an awful manservant,”
Merlin could not tell if Arthur was joking or not so, instead of pondering the issue, he continued with the story, “It was early in the holiday season when the people of Riverbend-,” he silenced the amused Arthur with a sharp glare, “-began to notice suspicious clusters of mistletoe growing in their plants,”
“Suspicious clusters of mistletoe?” Arthur snickered.
“Stop interrupting me or I will leave. Do you want me to entertain you or not?”
Arthur nodded, trying very hard to persuade his features to look somewhat more serious than “I Am About To Explode With Laughter And It Will Probably Be Messy”
“Good. So, the townsfolk consulted the village botanist-,”
“What kind of village has its own botanist?”
“Arthur!”
“Sorry,”
“Where was I? Oh yes, so the botanist goes with the farmers to inspect the mistletoe, expecting just regular old mistletoe. However he was very surprised and disturbed to discover that it was not just regular mistletoe that was infecting the plants but MISTLETOE OF DOOM!”
Arthur laughed noisily but did not speak, somehow engrossed in the awful story.
Merlin cleared his throat, glancing quickly at Arthur before continuing, “The botanist tells the farmers that this mistletoe will bring DOOM upon the village unless they remove it immediately. So the farmers spend the entire day finding all of the infected plants and hacking the mistletoe out until finally, when the sun is almost set, they finish their work and go back home to their wives. They sleep peacefully knowing that their families are safe from the imminent doom the mistletoe would have brought,”
“Is that it? Where are the monsters?” Arthur asked.
“No that’s not it!” Merlin snapped back at him, “The monsters are coming, just be patient. The next morning the farmers rise bright and early to tend to their crops but find their fields empty of everything but…..MISTLETOE!!”
Arthur gasped dramatically and Merlin resisted the urge to punch the prat in the face.
“Only each bush of mistletoe is now ten times larger than it had been when the farmers had cut it down, with fangs and eyes and claws. Now the clusters of mistletoe were no longer plants but MAN EATING MONSTERS!!”
“Man eating mistletoe monsters?”
“Yes. They ate all of the farmers and then the rest of the villagers and Christmas was not at all merry that year in the village of Riverbend. The End,”
Arthur blinked at his manservant, “You are really awful at telling stories,” he stated as he sat up in his chair.
“It’s probably a good thing I’m you’re manservant and not a bard then isn’t it?”
“Yeah, probably,”
PH3AR MY ART SKILLZ!
Drawn in black biro, coloured in photoshop.
And yes, I am aware that that is holly, not mistletoe but, really, mistletoe doesn’t look that threatening.