my life
So I was reading through this thing and my old one and It made me realize how much I have changed. Reading them made me laugh. It also sort of made me sad because Im changing and growing up...but I dont want to. I like who I am today and not who I was before. Before I was always trying to be someone different, but now Im just me. I dont know. Maybe Im really not me and Im trying to be someone different again. All I know is, I just dont want to grow up. Ive also been thinking about death a little more than usual because there have been so many lately. Lexie was only 15...FIFTEEN, she had a whole life to live but she threw it away by making one stupid mistake. I didnt get to really know her, but Ive heard she was an amazing girl who would always make you smile. Her death also made me think about luke more. I miss him so much more and more each day. He was so young too and had soo much life to live. I dont wanna die. I dont want anyone in my family to die or any of my friends. I dont know what I would do without them. And it scares me because we dont know what really happens after death...if anything happens at all. Are you just gone? Forever? or is there really a heaven and hell? I hate it when I think because I end up scaring myself. If I die young I want all of my friends and family to know that I love them and I always will. Especially Cody, hes helped me alot. I used to say I would never want to be buried and I would want to be cremated and to not have an open casket. Ive thought about this more and I dont think it would really seem real...like it would really seem like I was gone unless there was an open casket. I also dont want to be cremated anymore because that now sort of freaks me out.