(no subject)
its 6:01 am. i am awake. my house is old. older than most of the houses in this valley. it was built in the 1950's i think...i could be wrong. my roommate told me that our landlady told her that these houses were built for union workers. its a beautiful house. it reminds me of a pretty vintage dress. the window sill is about 8 inches from my left eyeball and when i look at it...its beautiful. the paint around it is cracked. the edges are worn and chipped away at. its aged. its comfortable. and when i look outside through the crack in the curtain at the houses that dont look the same and the trees that are kind of crooked and the powerlines running dangerously near the tree branches in no apparent order
and the narrow dirty sidewalks...i don't feel like i'm in santa clarita. if i think,"i am in washington." or "i am in a little town in northern california." i will believe it. looking out my window, the world seems so real. and so natural. even though there is a paved road and concrete sidewalks. everything is slightly imperfect. but its beautiful. because its the way it should be. things like time and life happen to things and we shouldn't try to cover it up with paint and plastic and fake palm trees.
santa clarita is like one big botoxed face. thats been nipped and tucked into a scary plastic perfection.
and what i see out my window is like the little laugh line that won't go away.
anyway. the sun is coming up. the sky is beautiful. dogs are starting to bark. birds are chirping. i can hear a car.
i've been awake since yesterday. i love staying up all night. i love being up for this time of morning. i feel alive.
but then i fall asleep sometime around when everyone else is waking up and i wake up sometime when the sun is starting to go down and some of those times i feel kind of shitty.
my sleep schedule has been somewhat impulsive recently. and i've been able to get away with sleeping until 3:30 in the afternoon.
i watched a streetcar named desire last night (this morning really) and aside from being smitten with marlon brando and loving that movie, i felt like i was looking into a mirror in a way. the movie made me think and reassess some things.
i need to meditate for a long time.
and the narrow dirty sidewalks...i don't feel like i'm in santa clarita. if i think,"i am in washington." or "i am in a little town in northern california." i will believe it. looking out my window, the world seems so real. and so natural. even though there is a paved road and concrete sidewalks. everything is slightly imperfect. but its beautiful. because its the way it should be. things like time and life happen to things and we shouldn't try to cover it up with paint and plastic and fake palm trees.
santa clarita is like one big botoxed face. thats been nipped and tucked into a scary plastic perfection.
and what i see out my window is like the little laugh line that won't go away.
anyway. the sun is coming up. the sky is beautiful. dogs are starting to bark. birds are chirping. i can hear a car.
i've been awake since yesterday. i love staying up all night. i love being up for this time of morning. i feel alive.
but then i fall asleep sometime around when everyone else is waking up and i wake up sometime when the sun is starting to go down and some of those times i feel kind of shitty.
my sleep schedule has been somewhat impulsive recently. and i've been able to get away with sleeping until 3:30 in the afternoon.
i watched a streetcar named desire last night (this morning really) and aside from being smitten with marlon brando and loving that movie, i felt like i was looking into a mirror in a way. the movie made me think and reassess some things.
i need to meditate for a long time.