DS9 FanFic, "Apple," G/B, PG, 1/1

[prelocandkanar]

Title:      Apple

Author:   Prelocandkanar (Prelocandkanar@aol.com)

Series:   DS9

Part:      1/1

Rating:   PG

Codes:   G/B

Summary: Garak and Bashir discuss the story of Eden over lunch

Author’s Note: This story was written for the contest “Last Author Standing” at LiveJournal. The contest required each author to write a story within four and a half

Comments

[owleyes_arisen]

Lovely story. The biblical references, the way Garak closes in on Julian, ever so slowly and subtly - or perhaps not quite, in his case. Very nice, overall - a wonderful thing to come home to and read.

One question, though - what exactly does that fruit do? I took it for a sensory enhancer of some kind - enhancing stimulation of nerve endings, and the like. What did you intend it to act as?

[prelocandkanar]

>...what exactly does that fruit do? I took it for a sensory >enhancer of some kind - enhancing stimulation of nerve endings, >and the like. What did you intend it to act as

[theprimrosepath]

I wouldn't say at all that you made the effects too subtle. The cause may have been vague, but I think the effects were pretty clear to be seen. I can't quite imagine how one would miss the connection between the apple and the Ja-Mil'ton (sublte Milton reference?)...and I think making things too overt can ruin delicate imagery. I thought you handled the balance very well.

[prelocandkanar]

Thanks! *whew* ...and yes, the name of the fruit was meant to be a Milton reference. While I've never read "Paradise Lost," I understand that it's the story of Man's expulsion from Eden -- with Satan cast as the hero. Hope I'm correct about that!

[hm_f]

<< [...] They said, "The piece was a little long. I think it could have ended with the story of Eden. The rest didn't seem to relate much." This tells me that this reader missed the entire point of the fruit

[prelocandkanar]

Oh, thanks for this!

I did have some problems with Garak in this fic. This line, for instance, I think, isn't said with a true "Garak" voice:

“-an enemy! An adversary! Someone to match wits against!” Garak chimed in, an enigmatic look on his face. “Oh, a promising story.”

Maybe it's the result of having written this so much faster than I usually do. As for it stopping just when it's warming up... maybe I'll re-visit this in the future, clean up the characterization(s) and extend it forward.

Thanks for being honest about the Garak voice -- that kind of feedback is very helpful. But then you go on with such kind comments, too. I really appreciate it! :D