my birth story
Finally, I'm getting on here to post my birth story!
First, the general info:
Natalie Cassandra
October 14, 2012
7 lbs 6 oz - 19.5 inches
I think I posted a little bit about what was happening as it was starting up but I'll recap just in case.
Let's see...
On Friday morning, I'd gotten up and noticed a pink tinged bit of discharge. I went to the doctor, had an ultrasound that looked perfectly fine (and found out that my amniotic fluid, which had been a bit high, had just about normalized again), and an exam by my doctor who was apparently befuddled by this pink tinged mucus.
Throughout the week, I'd noticed that my discharge was changing slightly -- it was more fluid than mucus -- but I didn't think much of it...until Saturday morning. I was 37 weeks on the nose. Overnight, this fluid discharge soaked right through a pantyliner. I didn't initially think anything of it but as the morning went on, I started to consider that I might want to check in with my doctor.
I called the doctor on call and she said that, since I had tested Group B Strep positive, I should head to the hospital (if I hadn't, she would have advised waiting until Monday, but she didn't want to risk it). We packed everything up (I brought all of my hospital bags, just in case, because I had a feeling in my gut that this was it) and went to the hospital.
They checked me into the triage unit of the maternity ward and hooked me up to a heart monitor for the baby. There she was, beating steadily away.
A doctor came in and introduced herself. She asked me what was going on and I gave her the situation. She did an internal and confirmed that it was definitely amniotic fluid that I was leaking. I'd also started to have mild contractions. She said some of my mucus plug was also coming out. She asked what my plan was for this birth and when I told her it was for a VBAC, she was SUPER excited and encouraging! This after my doctor gave me nothing but grief for the past month of two about wanting a VBAC. This doctor told me that the hospital was very VBAC friendly and always encouraged women to try for a VBAC when possible. She went and talked to the doctor on call from my practice and came back with the news that the doc would be calling me and telling me whether or not she'd be willing to do a VBAC with me. The doctor called me and said she wouldn't be willing to do it but that if I wanted to, I could be transferred to the care of the hospital doctors. I opted to be transferred.
The doctor that I met in triage was now my doctor. We were going to start an induction. Not my favorite plan in the world, but as I was in the hospital, my water had started to break and contractions had started, I was ready to just do this. Especially as I was supposedly going to have a gigantic gestational diabetes baby if I waited until forty weeks and I was afraid I'd never make it through a successful VBAC if I waited.
She put a foley catheter into my cervix (holy crap did that HURT) and sent me up to a room to hang out while the catheter worked on helping me dilate. When the catheter could be pulled out easily, it would be time to send me down labor and delivery to start pitocin.
It was probably six hours or so before the catheter came out. In the meantime, I was allowed to eat (YAY!!!) and hang out; my husband and I relaxed, watched television, etc.
I made it down to labor and delivery around 11:30 on the night of the 13th.
They hooked me up to another heart monitor for the baby and one to monitor my contractions (which were doing all right on their own). They wanted a steady look at the baby before starting the pitocin.
After a LOT of waiting (and a LOT of the baby scooting around and being lost on the monitor, lol), they started me on pitocin. The nurse explained that they'd be starting me at half the typical dose of pitocin since I was already having contractions and was trying for a VBAC; I guess they didn't want to overdo it.
Everything started out fine.
Then the pitocin got things going.
Can I just say that, in my opinion, pitocin is THE DEVIL? I don't think I can stress that enough. I now loathe that medication.
I went into labor naturally with my first baby and the difference between my contractions then and my contractions this time around was ENORMOUS. I distinctly remember thinking during my first labor, "If I wasn't so tired, I think I could handle the pain longer and better." It felt manageable (sort of). Even though I ended up with an epidural during my first labor, it still felt different -- not so impossible and relentless. This time around? Dear lord. It was so incredibly intense and nonstop...it was unbearable. I realize that it's different for everyone and that everyone's body is unique and different, but I would personally recommend NEVER allowing a doctor to use pitocin on you if you can help it. Labor on your own. Dear lord, labor on your own!!!
Everything was okay at first. I had my full dose of fluids via IV before they started the pitocin. They got it started and I attempted to rest before it kicked in.
Suddenly, I felt what I initially thought was the baby giving me an enormously powerful and painful kick, accompanied by an audible "POP"; it was like a huge balloon had popped inside of me and it HURT; then there was a steady gush of fluid. Apparently, the rest of my water had broken, the theory being that there had been a tear in the amniotic sac that had kicked off the leaking earlier in the day and that this was the big shebang.
Almost immediately after that, the horrendous contractions began. One after the other after the other, all equal in intensity and all relentless; there wasn't a pause between them or a breather to allow me to recover from one. It was vicious. I went from being fully capable of dealing with the natural contractions to being doubled up in excruciating pain. There was no dealing with this pain, not for me anyways. It was totally unbearable. I asked for the epidural (which I'd planned on getting anyways).
I'll admit, I was terrified of the epidural (after my last birth experience, which went very badly, I was honestly petrified of this entire experience; I hadn't let myself think about birth during the entire pregnancy because of how terrified I was). I didn't know it was going to hurt as much as it did the first time around -- I'd felt a full body jolt, like being electrocuted, during my first epidural -- so when they came in to do it this time, I panicked. Very quickly into the procedure, I lost all composure and started sobbing uncontrollably. Thank goodness for the nurse -- she was phenomenal and calmed me down.
Even with the epidural, I was still in significant amounts of pain. They came back in to top me off and it eased a bit. Too much, actually. I'd gone into the hospital just recovering from a nasty upper respiratory infection and hefty cough. The epidural being topped off actually made me incapable of coughing; I couldn't work up the strength to cough and clear my lungs. It actually made me feel a little drunk; like I was going in slow motion. I sort of freaked out. Thankfully the nurse calmed me again. I got a little bit of sleep.
During all of this, I had to have my glucose checked a million times because of my unconfirmed diabetes, so my sleep was frequently interrupted.
By 7:30 in the morning, the nurses and doctors changed. The new nurse let me labor without pushing in the hope that the baby would shift downward on her own due to the force of my uterus contracting.
At around 10, I started pushing.
I pushed as hard as I could, over and over, in horrible pain thanks to the intense pitocin-induced contractions.
After an hour, the doctor confirmed what I'd suspected -- she hadn't budged. Not one bit.
She said I could keep trying, keep pushing if I wanted to, but that, in her professional opinion, she wasn't going to make it out; she said that the baby had to duck her head under my pubic bone in order to descend through the birth canal and that she could feel that mine just wasn't shaped in a way that was going to allow her to do that.
Where I wouldn't have believed my own doctor since she'd been trying to talk me into a c-section throughout the end of my pregnancy, I knew this doctor was regretfully telling me the truth.
She said that it was totally up to me -- that I could absolutely keep going if I wanted to -- but that if I hadn't progressed AT ALL in an hour, it wasn't really looking great, especially given the circumstances of my last birth where I pushed for about four hours and had a c-section (where my epidural failed, a spinal failed, and I had to be knocked out during my c-section).
I knew it was time to call it and go for the surgery.
I hadn't wanted to torture myself. I'd just wanted the opportunity to try and I just knew it wasn't meant to be; I guess, despite the odds being that it was HIGHLY unlikely I was actually one of those people with a pelvis that was incompatible with childbirth...I actually WAS one of those people. I'm not entirely surprised -- my grandmother had three c-sections, as did my mother. I'd really, really hoped I'd escape this fate; that my grandmother and mother had just had c-sections because of the trends of their day, but I guess not.
I know I could still be cynical and claim that the doctors just wanted me to have a c-section, but I can honestly say, without a doubt, that a vaginal birth just wasn't meant to be my experience in either case. And I'm okay with that now. Now that I've had my second chance at a vaginal birth, I've come to accept that I was only meant to have c-sections. Especially since this hospital was SO pro-VBAC and SO helpful and encouraging in my being successful.
They prepped me for the OR and away we went.
With the epidural topped off again, I was very comfortable.
Where last time, I was hysterical in the OR, this time, I was very calm.
My husband came in and sat beside me.
There was a brief moment of cramping in my right side but they gave me something else and I was okay.
I could feel the sensation of them making the incisions, which was super gross, and they told me that they'd have to do a separate incision from my first because the first was too low (which ended up being a good thing because there was apparently a lot of scar tissue around my bladder from the first surgery and it would've been a mess to go through there), but after sitting there for a while (and trying to stay awake -- I could've fallen asleep so easily) and a LOT of pressure, there was a sudden feeling of relief and lightness and there was her little cry.
She was whisked away immediately because during labor there'd been meconium in the amniotic fluid and they had to suction out her lungs, but we could hear her cries and it was wonderful. I didn't have that moment with my first baby and it was amazing to have it this time around. Absolutely amazing. I immediately started to cry and I cried for a solid five or ten minutes while they cleaned her up.
They finally brought her over to us and there she was -- that little angel I'd been beaten up by for so many months. She had a head full of black hair -- I couldn't believe all the hair!
She was grunting, though, and they were worried that it had to do with her ability to breathe, so off she went to the NICU.
For the majority of my hospital stay, that's where she was, but she was thriving and healthy; they were just concerned about her breathing and wanted to be sure she was okay. I was happy to have her monitored by professionals while I had the chance.
She was perfect and now she's our beautiful angel at home. She spends most of her time asleep but she's already adored by everyone -- ESPECIALLY her big sister!
All in all, it was as ideal as it could be -- the hospital was very supportive, the staff was incredibly kind and helpful, and I had a happy and healthy baby (who turned out to be a peanut despite the ridiculous claims that she was going to be enormous -- at 35 weeks they claimed she was 7 lbs 13 oz -- she wasn't even that big at birth two weeks later!). Who could ask for anything more??
First, the general info:
Natalie Cassandra
October 14, 2012
7 lbs 6 oz - 19.5 inches
I think I posted a little bit about what was happening as it was starting up but I'll recap just in case.
Let's see...
On Friday morning, I'd gotten up and noticed a pink tinged bit of discharge. I went to the doctor, had an ultrasound that looked perfectly fine (and found out that my amniotic fluid, which had been a bit high, had just about normalized again), and an exam by my doctor who was apparently befuddled by this pink tinged mucus.
Throughout the week, I'd noticed that my discharge was changing slightly -- it was more fluid than mucus -- but I didn't think much of it...until Saturday morning. I was 37 weeks on the nose. Overnight, this fluid discharge soaked right through a pantyliner. I didn't initially think anything of it but as the morning went on, I started to consider that I might want to check in with my doctor.
I called the doctor on call and she said that, since I had tested Group B Strep positive, I should head to the hospital (if I hadn't, she would have advised waiting until Monday, but she didn't want to risk it). We packed everything up (I brought all of my hospital bags, just in case, because I had a feeling in my gut that this was it) and went to the hospital.
They checked me into the triage unit of the maternity ward and hooked me up to a heart monitor for the baby. There she was, beating steadily away.
A doctor came in and introduced herself. She asked me what was going on and I gave her the situation. She did an internal and confirmed that it was definitely amniotic fluid that I was leaking. I'd also started to have mild contractions. She said some of my mucus plug was also coming out. She asked what my plan was for this birth and when I told her it was for a VBAC, she was SUPER excited and encouraging! This after my doctor gave me nothing but grief for the past month of two about wanting a VBAC. This doctor told me that the hospital was very VBAC friendly and always encouraged women to try for a VBAC when possible. She went and talked to the doctor on call from my practice and came back with the news that the doc would be calling me and telling me whether or not she'd be willing to do a VBAC with me. The doctor called me and said she wouldn't be willing to do it but that if I wanted to, I could be transferred to the care of the hospital doctors. I opted to be transferred.
The doctor that I met in triage was now my doctor. We were going to start an induction. Not my favorite plan in the world, but as I was in the hospital, my water had started to break and contractions had started, I was ready to just do this. Especially as I was supposedly going to have a gigantic gestational diabetes baby if I waited until forty weeks and I was afraid I'd never make it through a successful VBAC if I waited.
She put a foley catheter into my cervix (holy crap did that HURT) and sent me up to a room to hang out while the catheter worked on helping me dilate. When the catheter could be pulled out easily, it would be time to send me down labor and delivery to start pitocin.
It was probably six hours or so before the catheter came out. In the meantime, I was allowed to eat (YAY!!!) and hang out; my husband and I relaxed, watched television, etc.
I made it down to labor and delivery around 11:30 on the night of the 13th.
They hooked me up to another heart monitor for the baby and one to monitor my contractions (which were doing all right on their own). They wanted a steady look at the baby before starting the pitocin.
After a LOT of waiting (and a LOT of the baby scooting around and being lost on the monitor, lol), they started me on pitocin. The nurse explained that they'd be starting me at half the typical dose of pitocin since I was already having contractions and was trying for a VBAC; I guess they didn't want to overdo it.
Everything started out fine.
Then the pitocin got things going.
Can I just say that, in my opinion, pitocin is THE DEVIL? I don't think I can stress that enough. I now loathe that medication.
I went into labor naturally with my first baby and the difference between my contractions then and my contractions this time around was ENORMOUS. I distinctly remember thinking during my first labor, "If I wasn't so tired, I think I could handle the pain longer and better." It felt manageable (sort of). Even though I ended up with an epidural during my first labor, it still felt different -- not so impossible and relentless. This time around? Dear lord. It was so incredibly intense and nonstop...it was unbearable. I realize that it's different for everyone and that everyone's body is unique and different, but I would personally recommend NEVER allowing a doctor to use pitocin on you if you can help it. Labor on your own. Dear lord, labor on your own!!!
Everything was okay at first. I had my full dose of fluids via IV before they started the pitocin. They got it started and I attempted to rest before it kicked in.
Suddenly, I felt what I initially thought was the baby giving me an enormously powerful and painful kick, accompanied by an audible "POP"; it was like a huge balloon had popped inside of me and it HURT; then there was a steady gush of fluid. Apparently, the rest of my water had broken, the theory being that there had been a tear in the amniotic sac that had kicked off the leaking earlier in the day and that this was the big shebang.
Almost immediately after that, the horrendous contractions began. One after the other after the other, all equal in intensity and all relentless; there wasn't a pause between them or a breather to allow me to recover from one. It was vicious. I went from being fully capable of dealing with the natural contractions to being doubled up in excruciating pain. There was no dealing with this pain, not for me anyways. It was totally unbearable. I asked for the epidural (which I'd planned on getting anyways).
I'll admit, I was terrified of the epidural (after my last birth experience, which went very badly, I was honestly petrified of this entire experience; I hadn't let myself think about birth during the entire pregnancy because of how terrified I was). I didn't know it was going to hurt as much as it did the first time around -- I'd felt a full body jolt, like being electrocuted, during my first epidural -- so when they came in to do it this time, I panicked. Very quickly into the procedure, I lost all composure and started sobbing uncontrollably. Thank goodness for the nurse -- she was phenomenal and calmed me down.
Even with the epidural, I was still in significant amounts of pain. They came back in to top me off and it eased a bit. Too much, actually. I'd gone into the hospital just recovering from a nasty upper respiratory infection and hefty cough. The epidural being topped off actually made me incapable of coughing; I couldn't work up the strength to cough and clear my lungs. It actually made me feel a little drunk; like I was going in slow motion. I sort of freaked out. Thankfully the nurse calmed me again. I got a little bit of sleep.
During all of this, I had to have my glucose checked a million times because of my unconfirmed diabetes, so my sleep was frequently interrupted.
By 7:30 in the morning, the nurses and doctors changed. The new nurse let me labor without pushing in the hope that the baby would shift downward on her own due to the force of my uterus contracting.
At around 10, I started pushing.
I pushed as hard as I could, over and over, in horrible pain thanks to the intense pitocin-induced contractions.
After an hour, the doctor confirmed what I'd suspected -- she hadn't budged. Not one bit.
She said I could keep trying, keep pushing if I wanted to, but that, in her professional opinion, she wasn't going to make it out; she said that the baby had to duck her head under my pubic bone in order to descend through the birth canal and that she could feel that mine just wasn't shaped in a way that was going to allow her to do that.
Where I wouldn't have believed my own doctor since she'd been trying to talk me into a c-section throughout the end of my pregnancy, I knew this doctor was regretfully telling me the truth.
She said that it was totally up to me -- that I could absolutely keep going if I wanted to -- but that if I hadn't progressed AT ALL in an hour, it wasn't really looking great, especially given the circumstances of my last birth where I pushed for about four hours and had a c-section (where my epidural failed, a spinal failed, and I had to be knocked out during my c-section).
I knew it was time to call it and go for the surgery.
I hadn't wanted to torture myself. I'd just wanted the opportunity to try and I just knew it wasn't meant to be; I guess, despite the odds being that it was HIGHLY unlikely I was actually one of those people with a pelvis that was incompatible with childbirth...I actually WAS one of those people. I'm not entirely surprised -- my grandmother had three c-sections, as did my mother. I'd really, really hoped I'd escape this fate; that my grandmother and mother had just had c-sections because of the trends of their day, but I guess not.
I know I could still be cynical and claim that the doctors just wanted me to have a c-section, but I can honestly say, without a doubt, that a vaginal birth just wasn't meant to be my experience in either case. And I'm okay with that now. Now that I've had my second chance at a vaginal birth, I've come to accept that I was only meant to have c-sections. Especially since this hospital was SO pro-VBAC and SO helpful and encouraging in my being successful.
They prepped me for the OR and away we went.
With the epidural topped off again, I was very comfortable.
Where last time, I was hysterical in the OR, this time, I was very calm.
My husband came in and sat beside me.
There was a brief moment of cramping in my right side but they gave me something else and I was okay.
I could feel the sensation of them making the incisions, which was super gross, and they told me that they'd have to do a separate incision from my first because the first was too low (which ended up being a good thing because there was apparently a lot of scar tissue around my bladder from the first surgery and it would've been a mess to go through there), but after sitting there for a while (and trying to stay awake -- I could've fallen asleep so easily) and a LOT of pressure, there was a sudden feeling of relief and lightness and there was her little cry.
She was whisked away immediately because during labor there'd been meconium in the amniotic fluid and they had to suction out her lungs, but we could hear her cries and it was wonderful. I didn't have that moment with my first baby and it was amazing to have it this time around. Absolutely amazing. I immediately started to cry and I cried for a solid five or ten minutes while they cleaned her up.
They finally brought her over to us and there she was -- that little angel I'd been beaten up by for so many months. She had a head full of black hair -- I couldn't believe all the hair!
She was grunting, though, and they were worried that it had to do with her ability to breathe, so off she went to the NICU.
For the majority of my hospital stay, that's where she was, but she was thriving and healthy; they were just concerned about her breathing and wanted to be sure she was okay. I was happy to have her monitored by professionals while I had the chance.
She was perfect and now she's our beautiful angel at home. She spends most of her time asleep but she's already adored by everyone -- ESPECIALLY her big sister!
All in all, it was as ideal as it could be -- the hospital was very supportive, the staff was incredibly kind and helpful, and I had a happy and healthy baby (who turned out to be a peanut despite the ridiculous claims that she was going to be enormous -- at 35 weeks they claimed she was 7 lbs 13 oz -- she wasn't even that big at birth two weeks later!). Who could ask for anything more??