Whatever That Meant [Jensen/Jared]
Title: Whatever That Meant
Author:preferthemoss
Pairing: Jensen Ackles/Jared Padalecki
Rating: PG13
Warnings: Minor mentions of past Jensen/Danneel and current Chris Kane/Steve Carlson, as well as Jared/Sandy (which I actually intended as a friendship, but may be read otherwise).
Spoilers: Um... if you didn't know that December 23rd was gonna be a Thursday this year, then I guess I'm now ruining that for you, lol.
Words: 3500
Summary: After Jensen's parents get divorced painfully close to Christmas, Jared convinces his friend to spend the holidays with him instead.
Disclaimer: Don't own, don't sue. (Read full disclaimer here.)
Notes: Written for notjustroomates's December schmoop prompt.
Jared knew that Jensen's parents' divorce was ruining him more than he'd been letting on. They'd seen it coming, for years now, really, and that in itself should have softened the blow. It'd been amicable, or at least... no plates had been broken, and Donna and Alan had promised that after some time had passed, they saw no reason why they couldn't all enjoy life as a fully functioning family unit sometimes.
But, time hadn't passed, not yet anyway, and while Josh had a wife and kids of his own to spend the holidays with, Jensen had neither that nor the A-Team of supportive female friends who seemed to be throwing dozens of spare rooms and holiday dinners at Mack.
And that, Jared supposed, is how Jensen had ended up here.
Jared smiled fondly at the familiar sight of Jensen fumbling his way through the obligatory shot of caffeine required to start his day, as he tipped the coffee pot too fast, too desperate, sloshing the scalding liquid all over the counter.
After that, things weren't so comfortable.
"Shit," Jensen cursed, expression dropping into one of panic, as he reached for a dish towel, cleaning up the mess with a hasty kind of fear. Jared watched idly, musing silently about the obvious differences between then and now, and how three years ago, Jensen would have laughed it off, and snapped jokingly at Jared, telling him to clean it up. And now, it was like... like Jensen was in some precious sanctuary or museum, afraid to touch, or make messes or... be comfortable.
And, well... that wasn't good.
"What do you want for dinner?" Jared asked loudly, calling through the kitchen with enough volume to be heard from where Jensen was reading in the living room.
Jared was glad that Jensen had taken him up on his offer to stay with him through the holidays. And not just for Christmas itself, but for the entire week of sing-songy, gift-wrappy, tree-trimmy days that were sandwiched around it, too. He knew that Jensen could handle things on his own, and that Danneel's family had made the exact same offer. But, as much as Jensen still cared for her and her parents, spending the holidays with the ex who was painfully hot and happy and her just wasn't a good idea.
It hadn't been hard to convince him, really, aside from pushing away all of Jensen's worries about being in the way, or taking up Jared's time. And while it was true that Jared had been holding out on a not-so-secret desire to spend Christmas with Sandy, spending it with Jensen just made more sense.
They'd lived together before, and for a long time, at that. Jared still lived in the same house now, and although he'd had a few other house mates come and go after Jensen had left, no one had ever touched the room with the blue walls on the bottom floor.
That room was Jensen's.
And it always would be.
"Laugh out loud," Jensen mocked dryly as he leaned against the kitchen door frame, smirking at Jared as he watched him put a pan on the stovetop.
"Dude, please don't tell me--"
"Yeah, I know," Jensen laughed, shrugging sheepishly at the unfinished question. Mack had acquired a habit of talking in text-speak, and apparently... it'd rubbed off on Jensen. "But dude, at least it's fitting. There's no way you expect to actually cook without me laughing at you," he teased, as Jared whipped his dishtowel in his direction.
"Well fine then, hot shot," he pressed, grinning widely as he stepped back from the stove, arms open in an inviting gesture. "Let's see you do better," he dared, crossing his arms over his chest at the smug look on Jensen's face as he took him up on the notion.
Things didn't stay awkward for long.
December twenty-first was a day to remember, Jared swore to himself. He'd woken up to find that Jensen had made him hot chocolate, a coffee substitute that Jared would accept any day of the year. And after that, it began to snow.
Living in Canada was an odd sort of thing. During the winter months, at least, which seemed to span at least half of the year. It was cold as hell, and while it wasn't unusual for there to be three or more feet of snow on the ground at any given time, it rarely seemed to be anywhere but the ground. The snowfall would usually hit around early November, a week of nothing but storms, that would leave the country in an icy, frozen state of being buried five feet deep under snowbanks that never seemed to shrink. After that, the world just kind of stood still, and the snow would hold strong, being only occasionally dusted with a new layer to revive it.
Today was one of those days, where the snowflakes were big and soft, falling almost impossibly slow from the sharp blue sky. And Jared, being Jared, knew that if he were in grade school, he'd have been itching for it to be recess time. And so, much to Jensen's horror, they headed outside.
Jensen's snowball making skills were epic, a fact that Jared had failed to notice in the seven years they'd known each other. But, then again, never had they retreated into Jared's backyard to play King of The Castle, build handicapable snowmen, or--
"Fuck!" Jared howled as he arched his back away from the snow that was quickly melting down his skin, after Jensen had quite skillfully dropped an entire handful down the back of his shirt.
Jensen's laughter echoed through the yard as Jared hastily pulled at his clothing, realizing too late that the only way to fix the predicament he was in was to exact a form of sweet, sweet revenge.
"What's so funny, Jensen?" Jared asked darkly, holding back a smirk as he stalked forward slowly, watching Jensen's face melt into a mask of worried fear, as he began to take long strides backwards.
"Jay," Jensen warned, holding one hand out in front of him, as if calming a wild animal. "I swear I will eat your gummy worms if you--"
"Oh, trust me," Jared interjected, grinning wildly now, as he stopped with less than three feet between him and Jensen, as Jensen's back hit the wall of the house. "This will so be worth it," he insisted, before lunging forward to pin Jensen against the side of the building, rubbing his snow-soaked gloves all over his face, before grabbing at the bottom of Jensen's coat, fumbling to push and pull his way up Jensen's shirt, melting a handful of fresh show against his stomach.
"Jared!" Jensen gasped wildly, writhing against the wall as he tried and failed to dodge Jared's Paws of Pain, until something happened, and they simultaneously remembered why Jensen had moved out in the first place.
"It's not good for us, Jay," Jensen repeated again, pressed against Jared's side on the couch, in a way that balanced on the border between best friends and something more.
Jared's silence replied for him, wordlessly letting Jensen know that he didn't agree, but... he wasn't gonna fight it, either.
"We're too..." Jensen started, swallowing deeply as they both realized that the ending of that thought would never be vocalized.
They were too close, too flirty, too touchy, too much in danger of falling into something that would put everything they'd worked for at risk.
"I know," Jared lied, because while he couldn't deny that there was something between them, he could never convince himself that it was a bad thing.
Jared shivered under his blanket on the couch, as Jensen did the same on the other end. They'd barely spoken since the Great Snowball Fight of 2010 had occurred earlier that morning, trading nothing more than words that were completely innocuous, if not a little forced.
"Did we see this one already?" Jensen asked finally, breaking the silence from his end of the sofa, as they both took in the first five minutes of an episode of Pawn Stars.
Jared frowned exaggeratedly, shrugging as he shook his head. "I haven't, but... I don't know what you have and haven't seen anymore," he answered honestly, a set of simple words that really weren't so simple at all.
The silence burned long and tense between them for a time that went unmeasured after that, no longer feeling comfortable, as Jared knew that they were both assigning multiple meanings to the words that Jared had said.
"I'm sorry, Jared," Jensen mumbled softly, an unwarranted apology that was met with incredulous confusion.
"For what?" Jared asked after a moment, turning to look at his friend, who was pressed into the corner of the couch, like he was afraid to cross the line between the cushion he was sitting on, and the one that Jared had claimed.
That was all it took for Jared to get it.
"Me too," he confirmed softly, inhaling sharply as he realized for the first time how much it really hurt.
It'd all been a good thing, Jared supposed, because while the mutual discomfort of unintentionally landing themselves in a position far too reminiscent of their issues from the past had been unsettling, at best, it had lowered the tension of the unspoken threat of it, making laughter just a little more easy to access in the household.
"Huh," Jared huffed in interest, holding a white card invitation in his hand, landing himself on the couch next to Jensen, who was currently making love to his second cup of coffee.
"What?" Jensen questioned distractedly, and goddamn, if he and Jared were dating, Jared was sure that he'd currently have legitimate reasons to be jealous of that coffee mug.
Jared smirked by way of reply, before dropping the card into Jensen's lap, watching with amused eyes as Jensen read the fancy black words printed in embossed ink.
"Holy shit," Jensen's eyes went wide, and Jared laughed carelessly, shrugging at Jensen's 'what the fuck' expression.
"Chris and Steve are getting married, man," Jared explained needlessly, as if the wedding invitation hadn't made it clear.
"Well no shit!" Jensen grinned, laughing in amusement as he re-read the words in front of him. "Why didn't I get an invitation?" He frowned suddenly, and Jared smiled fondly at how dense his friend could be.
"Well, seeing as you're here, and your mailbox is not, I'm sure that the two of you just haven't met up yet," he teased playfully, and Jensen slumped lower on the couch, a sheepish look of awkward realization coming over his face.
"Shut up, okay?" He smiled softly, laughing as he pushed at Jared's chest, sending him down sideways over the couch. "I need three cups before I can pretend to be smart."
The next two days went by in a blissful state of comfortable nostalgia, with Jensen's music rattling through the house, and Jared throwing their laundry through in the same loads. They'd fallen into a whirlwind of constant reminders of how and why they'd become best friends, careful to avoid the part where they'd surpassed that state long ago.
It was painful, at times, to put the much-needed distance between them when things would get too sketchy.
Jared had been physically pained on Thursday, when Jensen's arm had somehow found it's way to the back of the couch behind Jared's shoulders, and Jared had forced himself to get up for a drink, sitting on the opposite side of the room when he returned.
Jensen had clearly hated himself on Friday morning, when Jared had come out of the shower in nothing but a towel, and Jensen left the room entirely, doing deep breathing exercises in the hall until Jared got dressed.
They were awkward moments, all full of tension, so why they kept doing it to themselves, Jared had no damn clue.
"Humiliation time," Jared called out cheerfully, choosing the moment to reap the benefits of winning the mindless bet about Flo Rida they'd made earlier.
Jensen groaned exaggeratedly, rolling his head against the back of the couch, as Jared grinned wickedly at him, before holding up a DVD case in front of his face.
"Oh god no, please not that one, Jay."
If there was anything Jensen hated more than the smell of cranberries, it was watching his own movies with friends or family in the room.
Jared could relate, really, regardless of how proud of his work he generally was. There was something electrically awkward about it, and, well... Jensen was about to suffer.
Devour was a film that Jared was fairly certain he'd seen before, in a time before he and Jensen had ever even really met. He was unafraid to admit that he'd Google-stalked a lot of actors before working with them, and Jensen had been no exception.
Now, though, he was sure that he couldn't recall a single detail of the movie, and even if he could, he'd be seeing them in a different light anyhow, now that he and Jensen were... he and Jensen. Whatever that meant.
It took less than twenty seconds for Jensen's discomfort to be visible, and once Jared realized that Jensen's honest-to-god father was also in the movie, he swallowed the guilt of obviously bringing up something that Jensen was probably trying desperately to keep off his mind. It didn't take much longer for Jared's train of thought to shift entirely, though.
Jensen tensed visibly in the peripherals of Jared's vision, sitting board-straight on the couch beside him as they both listened to the sounds of him getting laid on screen. Jared was immediately aware of the way Jensen's hip was just barely pressing against his own, and when the fuck had Jared's arm wrapped around Jen's shoulders?
Jared tensed in equal discomfort, wondering if it'd pull obvious attention in if he moved his arm away, or if it'd be better in the long run if he just left it there. Maybe Jensen hadn't noticed? Yeah, and Maybe Jensen was absolutely oblivious.
That would be a helpful personal trait, Jared thought silently, dropping his eyes from the screen in an attempt to prevent his pants from being pulled any tighter over his lap. This wasn't supposed to happen.
But, then again... none of this really was.
Jensen cleared his throat awkwardly beside him, slumping slightly against the couch, leaning into Jared's arm in a way that was a total mindfuck of contradictions and implications.
Jared closed his eyes entirely as he tried and failed not to listen to Jensen's sharp breathing on screen, as some girl rode him shamelessly, and that was when it happened.
Jealousy.
It hit him like a freight train, so quick and hard, in fact, that Jared didn't even have time to care about how lame a metaphor that was.
It shifted his opinion on what exactly had been between them, making Jared dizzy as he realized that he hadn't missed Sandy one bit all week, or taken Chad up on his offer to go out for drinks. He had all he needed, in his house, on his couch, under his arm, and risks be damned, Jared couldn't lose it again.
Jensen's breath hitched audibly as Jared tightened his arm around his shoulders, pulling him in closer in a way that was anything but casual.
Jensen stayed perfectly still for a long and painful moment, before melting against Jared's chest completely, letting one arm wrap around Jared's waist, until finally... Jared knew what he wanted to get Jensen for Christmas.
The morning was blessedly comfortable, with Jared waking up under Jensen's sleep-warm body, squinting against the Christmas morning sun as it filtered in through the curtains.
They hadn't had sex, or even crossed many borders at all, really. Their kisses had been placed carefully along each other's necks, shoulders and jaws, avoiding their lips for reasons unspoken.
But, they'd shared a bed, skin against skin, and Jared had fallen asleep to the sounds of Jensen breathing. Waking up to exactly the same was the best gift Jared could have asked for.
"Morning," Jensen mumbled sleepily, rolling off of Jared's chest, throwing a spark of worry through Jared's stomach as he realized that now was clearly the time for Jensen's regret or insecurities to settle in.
It didn't happen though, as Jensen immediately curled into Jared's side, resting one hand over his heart as he pressed a soft, slow kiss to Jared's neck.
"Jen?" Jared questioned softly, forcing himself to break the moment as the question that needed to be answered nagged at his mind with an itch.
"Jay," Jensen replied easily, in a way that Jared hadn't heard in about three years.
"What are we doing?" He asked quietly, not wanting an answer, but knowing it was mandatory. Life wasn't a movie, and things like this weren't scripted. Life was dangerous and messy and didn't happen the way some director just happened to want it to.
Jensen sighed deeply, breath warm against Jared's skin, as he finally answered. "Exactly what we should have been doing years ago, Jared."
The sky had darkened early, and the windows had iced in the cold Vancouver air. It was almost a cliche of a Christmas, with the fireplace burning, the stars shining, the TV playing nothing but a constant stream of holiday films in steady rotation, and god be damned, but it'd even snowed.
Jared had come in shivering almost violently, regretting his stubborn decision to walk, a notion he'd decided on in an effort to seem like choosing Jensen's Christmas gift had taken him longer than it actually did. Because, in reality, the idea had him late at night, and he'd beelined exactly where he knew he needed to go.
Now, his pocket was heavy, despite the fact of the gift not weighing much at all, and as Jared knocked the snow off his boots, he couldn't wait to get it out of his hand.
"You know I didn't get you anything, right?" Jensen asked again, clearly hating the idea of gift-giving, under some assumption that Jared was only doing it out of some kind of obligation.
"That's not true," Jared denied, shaking his head slowly, as he reached across the couch to pull Jensen against him, heart pounding under the still unfamiliar feeling of it.
He didn't elaborate, knew he didn't need to, because as oblivious and innocent as they'd both been playing for the last few years, they both knew that the almost-casual night of cuddling they'd just shared was actually an Earth-shattering turn of events, one which they'd both been long awaiting.
"And, in any case... this didn't cost much," Jared promised, knowing that that was half of Jensen's discomfort, since he felt like eating Jared's food and sleeping in Jared's bed gave him some kind of monetary debt.
"Why are you so good to me?" Jensen asked suddenly, voice soft as his eyes searched Jared's face for an answer.
Jared took a slow, deep breath, losing himself in a sea of green and gold, as he thought out his answer. "Well... that's sort of the reason why I got you this," he started, reaching into his pocket to wrap his hand around a piece of body-warmed metal.
Jensen stayed silent, clearly knowing that the battle had been lost, as he smiled softly at Jared, doing nothing but further convincing Jared that this was the right decision.
He moved slowly, pulling his fisted hand out of his pocket, before pressing the gift into the palm of Jensen's hand.
He let it go almost tentatively, feeling nerves strike him, as Jensen finally looked down, eyes wide and dark as he swallowed deeply beside him.
"Jay," he started, flipping the silver house key over in his hand, and Jared watched as Jensen's eyes ran over the engraved letters; J.R.A.
"Please," Jared begged softly, reaching up to run a hand through Jensen's hair, letting Jensen know that this wasn't a repeat of what they'd done five years ago. This wasn't an option decided upon because of convenience or debt. It was something else. Something bigger.
"Move in with me, Jen," Jared requested quietly, biting his lip as Jensen's face flushed, before finally their eyes met again.
Jensen stayed silent entirely, with his slightly shaken breathing being the only break in the tension, until finally it happened.
Jensen's lips were soft and sweet against Jared's, with a rough sort of edge that made it entirely unique. Jared's heart skipped a beat, before picking up double time, as he let his hand rest along the side of Jensen's face, feeling his flushed skin warm further under his palm, as the slight itch of a day's worth of stubble scratched against Jared's fingers.
Jensen pulled away breathlessly, eyes soft and caring and everything that Jared had ever been jealous of Danneel for getting, plus something more, something that Jared was sure was only for him.
"I love you, Jared," Jensen admitted clumsily, words tumbling out as if they hadn't exactly intended to, and Jared's entire body heated with a flame that could never be rivaled, not as long as he lived.
Jared's hand slid down Jensen's face, over his shoulder, down his body, until he found himself wrapping his arm around Jensen's waist. "God," he whimpered, grinning stupidly as he kissed Jensen again. "I love you too, Jen," he confirmed without hesitation, because as sure as Jared knew that their relationship was fill of risks of issues and things that wouldn't always run smoothly, he was absolutely certain that their love wasn't one of them.
-End-
Author:preferthemoss
Pairing: Jensen Ackles/Jared Padalecki
Rating: PG13
Warnings: Minor mentions of past Jensen/Danneel and current Chris Kane/Steve Carlson, as well as Jared/Sandy (which I actually intended as a friendship, but may be read otherwise).
Spoilers: Um... if you didn't know that December 23rd was gonna be a Thursday this year, then I guess I'm now ruining that for you, lol.
Words: 3500
Summary: After Jensen's parents get divorced painfully close to Christmas, Jared convinces his friend to spend the holidays with him instead.
Disclaimer: Don't own, don't sue. (Read full disclaimer here.)
Notes: Written for notjustroomates's December schmoop prompt.
Jared knew that Jensen's parents' divorce was ruining him more than he'd been letting on. They'd seen it coming, for years now, really, and that in itself should have softened the blow. It'd been amicable, or at least... no plates had been broken, and Donna and Alan had promised that after some time had passed, they saw no reason why they couldn't all enjoy life as a fully functioning family unit sometimes.
But, time hadn't passed, not yet anyway, and while Josh had a wife and kids of his own to spend the holidays with, Jensen had neither that nor the A-Team of supportive female friends who seemed to be throwing dozens of spare rooms and holiday dinners at Mack.
And that, Jared supposed, is how Jensen had ended up here.
Jared smiled fondly at the familiar sight of Jensen fumbling his way through the obligatory shot of caffeine required to start his day, as he tipped the coffee pot too fast, too desperate, sloshing the scalding liquid all over the counter.
After that, things weren't so comfortable.
"Shit," Jensen cursed, expression dropping into one of panic, as he reached for a dish towel, cleaning up the mess with a hasty kind of fear. Jared watched idly, musing silently about the obvious differences between then and now, and how three years ago, Jensen would have laughed it off, and snapped jokingly at Jared, telling him to clean it up. And now, it was like... like Jensen was in some precious sanctuary or museum, afraid to touch, or make messes or... be comfortable.
And, well... that wasn't good.
"What do you want for dinner?" Jared asked loudly, calling through the kitchen with enough volume to be heard from where Jensen was reading in the living room.
Jared was glad that Jensen had taken him up on his offer to stay with him through the holidays. And not just for Christmas itself, but for the entire week of sing-songy, gift-wrappy, tree-trimmy days that were sandwiched around it, too. He knew that Jensen could handle things on his own, and that Danneel's family had made the exact same offer. But, as much as Jensen still cared for her and her parents, spending the holidays with the ex who was painfully hot and happy and her just wasn't a good idea.
It hadn't been hard to convince him, really, aside from pushing away all of Jensen's worries about being in the way, or taking up Jared's time. And while it was true that Jared had been holding out on a not-so-secret desire to spend Christmas with Sandy, spending it with Jensen just made more sense.
They'd lived together before, and for a long time, at that. Jared still lived in the same house now, and although he'd had a few other house mates come and go after Jensen had left, no one had ever touched the room with the blue walls on the bottom floor.
That room was Jensen's.
And it always would be.
"Laugh out loud," Jensen mocked dryly as he leaned against the kitchen door frame, smirking at Jared as he watched him put a pan on the stovetop.
"Dude, please don't tell me--"
"Yeah, I know," Jensen laughed, shrugging sheepishly at the unfinished question. Mack had acquired a habit of talking in text-speak, and apparently... it'd rubbed off on Jensen. "But dude, at least it's fitting. There's no way you expect to actually cook without me laughing at you," he teased, as Jared whipped his dishtowel in his direction.
"Well fine then, hot shot," he pressed, grinning widely as he stepped back from the stove, arms open in an inviting gesture. "Let's see you do better," he dared, crossing his arms over his chest at the smug look on Jensen's face as he took him up on the notion.
Things didn't stay awkward for long.
December twenty-first was a day to remember, Jared swore to himself. He'd woken up to find that Jensen had made him hot chocolate, a coffee substitute that Jared would accept any day of the year. And after that, it began to snow.
Living in Canada was an odd sort of thing. During the winter months, at least, which seemed to span at least half of the year. It was cold as hell, and while it wasn't unusual for there to be three or more feet of snow on the ground at any given time, it rarely seemed to be anywhere but the ground. The snowfall would usually hit around early November, a week of nothing but storms, that would leave the country in an icy, frozen state of being buried five feet deep under snowbanks that never seemed to shrink. After that, the world just kind of stood still, and the snow would hold strong, being only occasionally dusted with a new layer to revive it.
Today was one of those days, where the snowflakes were big and soft, falling almost impossibly slow from the sharp blue sky. And Jared, being Jared, knew that if he were in grade school, he'd have been itching for it to be recess time. And so, much to Jensen's horror, they headed outside.
Jensen's snowball making skills were epic, a fact that Jared had failed to notice in the seven years they'd known each other. But, then again, never had they retreated into Jared's backyard to play King of The Castle, build handicapable snowmen, or--
"Fuck!" Jared howled as he arched his back away from the snow that was quickly melting down his skin, after Jensen had quite skillfully dropped an entire handful down the back of his shirt.
Jensen's laughter echoed through the yard as Jared hastily pulled at his clothing, realizing too late that the only way to fix the predicament he was in was to exact a form of sweet, sweet revenge.
"What's so funny, Jensen?" Jared asked darkly, holding back a smirk as he stalked forward slowly, watching Jensen's face melt into a mask of worried fear, as he began to take long strides backwards.
"Jay," Jensen warned, holding one hand out in front of him, as if calming a wild animal. "I swear I will eat your gummy worms if you--"
"Oh, trust me," Jared interjected, grinning wildly now, as he stopped with less than three feet between him and Jensen, as Jensen's back hit the wall of the house. "This will so be worth it," he insisted, before lunging forward to pin Jensen against the side of the building, rubbing his snow-soaked gloves all over his face, before grabbing at the bottom of Jensen's coat, fumbling to push and pull his way up Jensen's shirt, melting a handful of fresh show against his stomach.
"Jared!" Jensen gasped wildly, writhing against the wall as he tried and failed to dodge Jared's Paws of Pain, until something happened, and they simultaneously remembered why Jensen had moved out in the first place.
"It's not good for us, Jay," Jensen repeated again, pressed against Jared's side on the couch, in a way that balanced on the border between best friends and something more.
Jared's silence replied for him, wordlessly letting Jensen know that he didn't agree, but... he wasn't gonna fight it, either.
"We're too..." Jensen started, swallowing deeply as they both realized that the ending of that thought would never be vocalized.
They were too close, too flirty, too touchy, too much in danger of falling into something that would put everything they'd worked for at risk.
"I know," Jared lied, because while he couldn't deny that there was something between them, he could never convince himself that it was a bad thing.
Jared shivered under his blanket on the couch, as Jensen did the same on the other end. They'd barely spoken since the Great Snowball Fight of 2010 had occurred earlier that morning, trading nothing more than words that were completely innocuous, if not a little forced.
"Did we see this one already?" Jensen asked finally, breaking the silence from his end of the sofa, as they both took in the first five minutes of an episode of Pawn Stars.
Jared frowned exaggeratedly, shrugging as he shook his head. "I haven't, but... I don't know what you have and haven't seen anymore," he answered honestly, a set of simple words that really weren't so simple at all.
The silence burned long and tense between them for a time that went unmeasured after that, no longer feeling comfortable, as Jared knew that they were both assigning multiple meanings to the words that Jared had said.
"I'm sorry, Jared," Jensen mumbled softly, an unwarranted apology that was met with incredulous confusion.
"For what?" Jared asked after a moment, turning to look at his friend, who was pressed into the corner of the couch, like he was afraid to cross the line between the cushion he was sitting on, and the one that Jared had claimed.
That was all it took for Jared to get it.
"Me too," he confirmed softly, inhaling sharply as he realized for the first time how much it really hurt.
It'd all been a good thing, Jared supposed, because while the mutual discomfort of unintentionally landing themselves in a position far too reminiscent of their issues from the past had been unsettling, at best, it had lowered the tension of the unspoken threat of it, making laughter just a little more easy to access in the household.
"Huh," Jared huffed in interest, holding a white card invitation in his hand, landing himself on the couch next to Jensen, who was currently making love to his second cup of coffee.
"What?" Jensen questioned distractedly, and goddamn, if he and Jared were dating, Jared was sure that he'd currently have legitimate reasons to be jealous of that coffee mug.
Jared smirked by way of reply, before dropping the card into Jensen's lap, watching with amused eyes as Jensen read the fancy black words printed in embossed ink.
"Holy shit," Jensen's eyes went wide, and Jared laughed carelessly, shrugging at Jensen's 'what the fuck' expression.
"Chris and Steve are getting married, man," Jared explained needlessly, as if the wedding invitation hadn't made it clear.
"Well no shit!" Jensen grinned, laughing in amusement as he re-read the words in front of him. "Why didn't I get an invitation?" He frowned suddenly, and Jared smiled fondly at how dense his friend could be.
"Well, seeing as you're here, and your mailbox is not, I'm sure that the two of you just haven't met up yet," he teased playfully, and Jensen slumped lower on the couch, a sheepish look of awkward realization coming over his face.
"Shut up, okay?" He smiled softly, laughing as he pushed at Jared's chest, sending him down sideways over the couch. "I need three cups before I can pretend to be smart."
The next two days went by in a blissful state of comfortable nostalgia, with Jensen's music rattling through the house, and Jared throwing their laundry through in the same loads. They'd fallen into a whirlwind of constant reminders of how and why they'd become best friends, careful to avoid the part where they'd surpassed that state long ago.
It was painful, at times, to put the much-needed distance between them when things would get too sketchy.
Jared had been physically pained on Thursday, when Jensen's arm had somehow found it's way to the back of the couch behind Jared's shoulders, and Jared had forced himself to get up for a drink, sitting on the opposite side of the room when he returned.
Jensen had clearly hated himself on Friday morning, when Jared had come out of the shower in nothing but a towel, and Jensen left the room entirely, doing deep breathing exercises in the hall until Jared got dressed.
They were awkward moments, all full of tension, so why they kept doing it to themselves, Jared had no damn clue.
"Humiliation time," Jared called out cheerfully, choosing the moment to reap the benefits of winning the mindless bet about Flo Rida they'd made earlier.
Jensen groaned exaggeratedly, rolling his head against the back of the couch, as Jared grinned wickedly at him, before holding up a DVD case in front of his face.
"Oh god no, please not that one, Jay."
If there was anything Jensen hated more than the smell of cranberries, it was watching his own movies with friends or family in the room.
Jared could relate, really, regardless of how proud of his work he generally was. There was something electrically awkward about it, and, well... Jensen was about to suffer.
Devour was a film that Jared was fairly certain he'd seen before, in a time before he and Jensen had ever even really met. He was unafraid to admit that he'd Google-stalked a lot of actors before working with them, and Jensen had been no exception.
Now, though, he was sure that he couldn't recall a single detail of the movie, and even if he could, he'd be seeing them in a different light anyhow, now that he and Jensen were... he and Jensen. Whatever that meant.
It took less than twenty seconds for Jensen's discomfort to be visible, and once Jared realized that Jensen's honest-to-god father was also in the movie, he swallowed the guilt of obviously bringing up something that Jensen was probably trying desperately to keep off his mind. It didn't take much longer for Jared's train of thought to shift entirely, though.
Jensen tensed visibly in the peripherals of Jared's vision, sitting board-straight on the couch beside him as they both listened to the sounds of him getting laid on screen. Jared was immediately aware of the way Jensen's hip was just barely pressing against his own, and when the fuck had Jared's arm wrapped around Jen's shoulders?
Jared tensed in equal discomfort, wondering if it'd pull obvious attention in if he moved his arm away, or if it'd be better in the long run if he just left it there. Maybe Jensen hadn't noticed? Yeah, and Maybe Jensen was absolutely oblivious.
That would be a helpful personal trait, Jared thought silently, dropping his eyes from the screen in an attempt to prevent his pants from being pulled any tighter over his lap. This wasn't supposed to happen.
But, then again... none of this really was.
Jensen cleared his throat awkwardly beside him, slumping slightly against the couch, leaning into Jared's arm in a way that was a total mindfuck of contradictions and implications.
Jared closed his eyes entirely as he tried and failed not to listen to Jensen's sharp breathing on screen, as some girl rode him shamelessly, and that was when it happened.
Jealousy.
It hit him like a freight train, so quick and hard, in fact, that Jared didn't even have time to care about how lame a metaphor that was.
It shifted his opinion on what exactly had been between them, making Jared dizzy as he realized that he hadn't missed Sandy one bit all week, or taken Chad up on his offer to go out for drinks. He had all he needed, in his house, on his couch, under his arm, and risks be damned, Jared couldn't lose it again.
Jensen's breath hitched audibly as Jared tightened his arm around his shoulders, pulling him in closer in a way that was anything but casual.
Jensen stayed perfectly still for a long and painful moment, before melting against Jared's chest completely, letting one arm wrap around Jared's waist, until finally... Jared knew what he wanted to get Jensen for Christmas.
The morning was blessedly comfortable, with Jared waking up under Jensen's sleep-warm body, squinting against the Christmas morning sun as it filtered in through the curtains.
They hadn't had sex, or even crossed many borders at all, really. Their kisses had been placed carefully along each other's necks, shoulders and jaws, avoiding their lips for reasons unspoken.
But, they'd shared a bed, skin against skin, and Jared had fallen asleep to the sounds of Jensen breathing. Waking up to exactly the same was the best gift Jared could have asked for.
"Morning," Jensen mumbled sleepily, rolling off of Jared's chest, throwing a spark of worry through Jared's stomach as he realized that now was clearly the time for Jensen's regret or insecurities to settle in.
It didn't happen though, as Jensen immediately curled into Jared's side, resting one hand over his heart as he pressed a soft, slow kiss to Jared's neck.
"Jen?" Jared questioned softly, forcing himself to break the moment as the question that needed to be answered nagged at his mind with an itch.
"Jay," Jensen replied easily, in a way that Jared hadn't heard in about three years.
"What are we doing?" He asked quietly, not wanting an answer, but knowing it was mandatory. Life wasn't a movie, and things like this weren't scripted. Life was dangerous and messy and didn't happen the way some director just happened to want it to.
Jensen sighed deeply, breath warm against Jared's skin, as he finally answered. "Exactly what we should have been doing years ago, Jared."
The sky had darkened early, and the windows had iced in the cold Vancouver air. It was almost a cliche of a Christmas, with the fireplace burning, the stars shining, the TV playing nothing but a constant stream of holiday films in steady rotation, and god be damned, but it'd even snowed.
Jared had come in shivering almost violently, regretting his stubborn decision to walk, a notion he'd decided on in an effort to seem like choosing Jensen's Christmas gift had taken him longer than it actually did. Because, in reality, the idea had him late at night, and he'd beelined exactly where he knew he needed to go.
Now, his pocket was heavy, despite the fact of the gift not weighing much at all, and as Jared knocked the snow off his boots, he couldn't wait to get it out of his hand.
"You know I didn't get you anything, right?" Jensen asked again, clearly hating the idea of gift-giving, under some assumption that Jared was only doing it out of some kind of obligation.
"That's not true," Jared denied, shaking his head slowly, as he reached across the couch to pull Jensen against him, heart pounding under the still unfamiliar feeling of it.
He didn't elaborate, knew he didn't need to, because as oblivious and innocent as they'd both been playing for the last few years, they both knew that the almost-casual night of cuddling they'd just shared was actually an Earth-shattering turn of events, one which they'd both been long awaiting.
"And, in any case... this didn't cost much," Jared promised, knowing that that was half of Jensen's discomfort, since he felt like eating Jared's food and sleeping in Jared's bed gave him some kind of monetary debt.
"Why are you so good to me?" Jensen asked suddenly, voice soft as his eyes searched Jared's face for an answer.
Jared took a slow, deep breath, losing himself in a sea of green and gold, as he thought out his answer. "Well... that's sort of the reason why I got you this," he started, reaching into his pocket to wrap his hand around a piece of body-warmed metal.
Jensen stayed silent, clearly knowing that the battle had been lost, as he smiled softly at Jared, doing nothing but further convincing Jared that this was the right decision.
He moved slowly, pulling his fisted hand out of his pocket, before pressing the gift into the palm of Jensen's hand.
He let it go almost tentatively, feeling nerves strike him, as Jensen finally looked down, eyes wide and dark as he swallowed deeply beside him.
"Jay," he started, flipping the silver house key over in his hand, and Jared watched as Jensen's eyes ran over the engraved letters; J.R.A.
"Please," Jared begged softly, reaching up to run a hand through Jensen's hair, letting Jensen know that this wasn't a repeat of what they'd done five years ago. This wasn't an option decided upon because of convenience or debt. It was something else. Something bigger.
"Move in with me, Jen," Jared requested quietly, biting his lip as Jensen's face flushed, before finally their eyes met again.
Jensen stayed silent entirely, with his slightly shaken breathing being the only break in the tension, until finally it happened.
Jensen's lips were soft and sweet against Jared's, with a rough sort of edge that made it entirely unique. Jared's heart skipped a beat, before picking up double time, as he let his hand rest along the side of Jensen's face, feeling his flushed skin warm further under his palm, as the slight itch of a day's worth of stubble scratched against Jared's fingers.
Jensen pulled away breathlessly, eyes soft and caring and everything that Jared had ever been jealous of Danneel for getting, plus something more, something that Jared was sure was only for him.
"I love you, Jared," Jensen admitted clumsily, words tumbling out as if they hadn't exactly intended to, and Jared's entire body heated with a flame that could never be rivaled, not as long as he lived.
Jared's hand slid down Jensen's face, over his shoulder, down his body, until he found himself wrapping his arm around Jensen's waist. "God," he whimpered, grinning stupidly as he kissed Jensen again. "I love you too, Jen," he confirmed without hesitation, because as sure as Jared knew that their relationship was fill of risks of issues and things that wouldn't always run smoothly, he was absolutely certain that their love wasn't one of them.
-End-