(no subject)
So I know I said I was fine. I know I cried at the beginning and then let my anger take over and the situation really didn't seem that bad. I am better off. I deserve more. I am okay. Right? Wrong. I am pretty sure it was just the overwhelming atmosphere but never have I gotten so upset so fast. I really enjoyed meeing Sean finally after 8 months. And I really am happy beyond belief for Chris that she finally found a good one. But then I get to thinking, Steve's engaged to Kelly, Chris and Sean, Brian and Cassandra, Jen and Chris, Kait and Dane, Sarah and whatever his name is...WHAT THE FUCK?! How about everybody date someone and bring them over for Christmas and hang out with their lovers and thats just how it goes? I was all prepared for a great sleep in my comfy bed in my comfy pajamas and here I am lying awake and crying because that bastard left me alone for the holidays and every God Damn song coming on my mp3 has some sort of significance or relation to the shit situation I am in. I was so happy to finally have a good one! I could finally brag and was hoping to bring him around and show pictures and hold his hand and unwrap presents with him...BUT NO! He has to go and FUCK ERIN! I don't even know if its him I miss or just the great feeling of finally having someone. I mean, not like it matters. Losing someone right before the holidays is probably the most heartbreaking thing possible especially when everybody asks about him not knowing the story. Why don't I just go crawl in a fucking dark hole and die?! Thats definitely what I wanted to do today. I hate what he did. It is so not fair. I sacrificed for him...time with friends, my studies. I could probably guarentee better marks if I hadn't met him. I lost so much of my parents trust and wasted so much money on gas to go and see his cheating ass and he doesn't even have the fucking decency to tell me about it! No..fuck that. Fuck him and his apologies. Fuck his emails and his text messages. There is no way in hell I am letting him get back in my life. Not after cheating and lying. Not after letting me waste 3 months of my life and making me feel such a false sense of happiness based on his shit. Not worth it. Might as well unpack that box, return the presents and give me my favourite sweater back so I can wash your memory out of it. I AM DONE!