Past times in a past life.
Ever get the feeling of rememberance of things that happened like a year or two ago? Start feeling those feelings again and start smelling the old smells that you knew for so long? A year ago me and Buddy started dating and he's been on my mind alot here lately. No matter what happens i trick myself into believing i'm over him and the situation. And i am but why have i been thinking about him so much here latly. On the 23rd it'll be one year ago that we got together. Big deal since it didn't work out right? Wrong...for me it's like i'm reliving a nitmare. Something that i want to go away and can't seem make go away. All these people that i haven't talked to in a while are popping up and they bring him up like i'm supposed to be happy knowing he's ok. I'm not....As cruel as this sounds i want him to be so unhappy for what he did to me and the abnormal things he said to me. I want him to find peace with himself and realize the life pattern that he has chosen isn't right or good. He'll be dead by the time he's 25 at this rate.
Car is screwed and in a million pieces right now due to an oil leak that is costing me 160 dollars. I'm not made of money and i have none to put towards my bills much less the car. Well i do but afterwards i'll be broke. I've tried calling some people that i haven't talked to in a while and they don't answer the phone and don't call back. I don't know what i've done to them if anything. It's really hard for me right now knowing that none of my "friends" are "friends". Tim told me to call him back Sunday night, i do and he bitches about it. Mike calls and wants me to tell him what to do with his settlment check that he's getting in JUNE. WTF am i supposed to do. I don't talk to these people for the longest and now i have to make up their minds for them. Gerald is the same way....Haven't talked to him nor do i want to....When he gets back remind me to stick his riffle up his ass.....literally speaking.
Mom is still on her "soap box" about everything. No matter what. I was in one of my blah moods yesturday and i didn't say much but you couldn't tell by this journal entry but yeah i was in a blah mood and she bitched about it. Hello when it's that time of the month i get like this...Every month. It's rotation now and they know this. Dad is cool with it and understanding...bout damn time. Dad and me are back to talking and i like it. If i wasn't judged so bad for so long by them i'd probably talk more. Dad is ok or at ease bout my tongue ring and mom gives me hell everyday. I like it they don't my life not theirs but me and dad are back to the way we were....now it's mom's turn and that could take a while considering she said she wants a job but if they don't give her smoke breaks when she wants them which is like every 15 minutes she don't want it. I told her good luck with that one. Anywhere you work you have to go by their time not yours it's part of life. She is 53 years old and wants control....she ain't getting it.
Car is screwed and in a million pieces right now due to an oil leak that is costing me 160 dollars. I'm not made of money and i have none to put towards my bills much less the car. Well i do but afterwards i'll be broke. I've tried calling some people that i haven't talked to in a while and they don't answer the phone and don't call back. I don't know what i've done to them if anything. It's really hard for me right now knowing that none of my "friends" are "friends". Tim told me to call him back Sunday night, i do and he bitches about it. Mike calls and wants me to tell him what to do with his settlment check that he's getting in JUNE. WTF am i supposed to do. I don't talk to these people for the longest and now i have to make up their minds for them. Gerald is the same way....Haven't talked to him nor do i want to....When he gets back remind me to stick his riffle up his ass.....literally speaking.
Mom is still on her "soap box" about everything. No matter what. I was in one of my blah moods yesturday and i didn't say much but you couldn't tell by this journal entry but yeah i was in a blah mood and she bitched about it. Hello when it's that time of the month i get like this...Every month. It's rotation now and they know this. Dad is cool with it and understanding...bout damn time. Dad and me are back to talking and i like it. If i wasn't judged so bad for so long by them i'd probably talk more. Dad is ok or at ease bout my tongue ring and mom gives me hell everyday. I like it they don't my life not theirs but me and dad are back to the way we were....now it's mom's turn and that could take a while considering she said she wants a job but if they don't give her smoke breaks when she wants them which is like every 15 minutes she don't want it. I told her good luck with that one. Anywhere you work you have to go by their time not yours it's part of life. She is 53 years old and wants control....she ain't getting it.