In Gay, Straight Circles, Bisexuals Are the Outcasts
GAY INTOLERANCE. Sound contradictory? It's not. And I'm not talking about so-called heterophobia, the mainstream's latest claim to victimhood. I'm talking about real prejudice from parts of the gay and lesbian establishment, right here in the Sexual Mecca. Even more surprising? It's aimed at another queer population: bisexuals. About two years ago, I came out as bisexual. I anticipated many hurdles, but I could never have predicted this one. As gay people fight homophobia in society at large, we fight ``biphobia'' in queer circles. To be fair, many gay men and lesbians embrace the diversity that bisexuals and transgendered people add to the queer mix. But it might not be obvious to an outsider -- and it certainly defies logic -- some can be as small-minded as their oppressors. Members of this border patrol demand that bisexuals ``make up our minds'' while imploring the rest of the world to show tolerance for their sexuality. Some even occasionally cross their own lines and have opposite-sex flings.
Sound mixed up? It is.
Biphobia creates ugly stereotypes: We're confused. It's just a phase. We're harbingers of disease. We're really gay, but we're in denial. We're really straight, but we want to experiment. We can't be trusted, because we'll desert same-sex partners for ``heterosexual privilege.'' It's telling that these bisexual ``facts'' don't come from bisexuals. Reminds me of Jerry Falwell or Anita Bryant telling gay men and lesbians the ``right'' way to live.
Biphobia has changed my opinion of gay neighborhoods. Where I once felt tolerance,I'm now on guard. When I asked for bisexual titles in a Castro bookstore, for example, the clerk rolled her eyes and pointed toward the back. I found 10 paperbacks on a bottom shelf. Five were about hermaphrodites. Last fall, covering a queer political conference in Oakland for Spectator magazine, two angry gay men -- in a workshop aimed at breaking down barriers, ironically -- dominated the exchange and said bisexuals aren't worth considering.
Far from a state of confusion, bisexuality is a conscious state of being. I'm living proof. I acknowledge my love and desire for men as well as women, and I'd have it no other way. I'm open about my sexuality at home, at work and in the community. Outside my day job in the business press, I volunteer at two bisexual-oriented magazines, Anything That Moves and Black Sheets. I'm part of a diverse coalition that fights biphobia -- often in the context of worthwhile efforts such as safer-sex education or political activism.
Bisexuals also face a larger problem of invisibility. My life illustrates this. I have a girlfriend, but I'm not straight. I date men, but I'm not gay. Some people can't accept these seeming contradictions. Many straight people treat me like I'm gay -- and this sometimes means homophobic hostility -- while many gay people call me straight regardless of what I do. Bisexuals may be able to ``pass'' in both worlds, but it's clear why we don't feel at home in either. People often overlook bisexuality because society rarely considers anything but gay and straight. Plus, bisexuals don't have bars, parades, celebrity spokespeople or mass-produced icons such as a rainbow flag. For most of my life, I assumed that ``gay'' included bisexuals. But it doesn't. That would be like calling all Hispanic people Mexicans or all Asian Americans Chinese.
I'm not bad-mouthing the whole gay/lesbian movement, and I'm not demanding to be included in all its concerns. But I want people to see that sexuality includes more than homo and hetero, and that everyone outside the two deserves respect. No one should be maligned, ignored or asked to change just because they don't fit some textbook definition. When we ask people to accept our differences, we should also accept theirs.
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...This article did a great job of articulating exactly what I'm feeling lately...especially after leaving the Gay bar last night bawling my eyes out. I'm not straight, I'm not gay. I don't fit in anywhere.
Sound mixed up? It is.
Biphobia creates ugly stereotypes: We're confused. It's just a phase. We're harbingers of disease. We're really gay, but we're in denial. We're really straight, but we want to experiment. We can't be trusted, because we'll desert same-sex partners for ``heterosexual privilege.'' It's telling that these bisexual ``facts'' don't come from bisexuals. Reminds me of Jerry Falwell or Anita Bryant telling gay men and lesbians the ``right'' way to live.
Biphobia has changed my opinion of gay neighborhoods. Where I once felt tolerance,I'm now on guard. When I asked for bisexual titles in a Castro bookstore, for example, the clerk rolled her eyes and pointed toward the back. I found 10 paperbacks on a bottom shelf. Five were about hermaphrodites. Last fall, covering a queer political conference in Oakland for Spectator magazine, two angry gay men -- in a workshop aimed at breaking down barriers, ironically -- dominated the exchange and said bisexuals aren't worth considering.
Far from a state of confusion, bisexuality is a conscious state of being. I'm living proof. I acknowledge my love and desire for men as well as women, and I'd have it no other way. I'm open about my sexuality at home, at work and in the community. Outside my day job in the business press, I volunteer at two bisexual-oriented magazines, Anything That Moves and Black Sheets. I'm part of a diverse coalition that fights biphobia -- often in the context of worthwhile efforts such as safer-sex education or political activism.
Bisexuals also face a larger problem of invisibility. My life illustrates this. I have a girlfriend, but I'm not straight. I date men, but I'm not gay. Some people can't accept these seeming contradictions. Many straight people treat me like I'm gay -- and this sometimes means homophobic hostility -- while many gay people call me straight regardless of what I do. Bisexuals may be able to ``pass'' in both worlds, but it's clear why we don't feel at home in either. People often overlook bisexuality because society rarely considers anything but gay and straight. Plus, bisexuals don't have bars, parades, celebrity spokespeople or mass-produced icons such as a rainbow flag. For most of my life, I assumed that ``gay'' included bisexuals. But it doesn't. That would be like calling all Hispanic people Mexicans or all Asian Americans Chinese.
I'm not bad-mouthing the whole gay/lesbian movement, and I'm not demanding to be included in all its concerns. But I want people to see that sexuality includes more than homo and hetero, and that everyone outside the two deserves respect. No one should be maligned, ignored or asked to change just because they don't fit some textbook definition. When we ask people to accept our differences, we should also accept theirs.
---------------------
...This article did a great job of articulating exactly what I'm feeling lately...especially after leaving the Gay bar last night bawling my eyes out. I'm not straight, I'm not gay. I don't fit in anywhere.