a chapter left turned
im currently in a state of guilt
things are happening that arent suppose to be happening
im breaking a lot of rules
but im trying so hard to not hurt and disperse
slowly i am healing
the benefits of being human
are so damning having such a
blistering heart only leads me
to more chaos
i only beat myself more and more
i sacrifice myself for so many people
but i dont feel any accomplishments
within those people
ive been spending time with a wonderful girl
she has a daughter of 6 months she's such a
cute little baby
she has feelings for me but
fear for so much
im a great friend to her
i help her out and encourage her to seek god
she's a very strong woman
but im just horribly mixed
and i just want to be her friend
my heart is in ruins
i completely feel like im losing
control of my life
i want to love so many people
(no not in that way)
but yeah its too (excuse me)
fucking hard
when you were your heart on your sleeve
and your expectations are fucking shut
so yet i continue to be mentally beaten
by these stupid thoughts
god is before me and my love
but my mind is so plagued with thoughts
of a no existanstance
sigh* ive been reduced to clouded
ventures
im so tired
help me
it's been quiet a while since ive written an entry....ive been so so busy with my schooling and work...a lot has happen from cancer scares (myself) to the fact that i had to realize the facts of human mortality in the most deep of pains....i had to attend my second funeral in the last two months but this one hit me harder than Marion's daughter funeral...seeing as my good friend and coworker Adam lost his dear wife to the cancer....she left him with three beautiful children..when i attended the reception my eyes just watered so much...i couldnt believe that she left this earth in such pain...i question motives in god but i only think of how she's looking down upon her beautiful children...
im really really tired of writing
i need help
i need prayers
if anyone wants to leave me a message on my lj its cool but id feel better if someone calls me instead
(818) 272-1007
things are happening that arent suppose to be happening
im breaking a lot of rules
but im trying so hard to not hurt and disperse
slowly i am healing
the benefits of being human
are so damning having such a
blistering heart only leads me
to more chaos
i only beat myself more and more
i sacrifice myself for so many people
but i dont feel any accomplishments
within those people
ive been spending time with a wonderful girl
she has a daughter of 6 months she's such a
cute little baby
she has feelings for me but
fear for so much
im a great friend to her
i help her out and encourage her to seek god
she's a very strong woman
but im just horribly mixed
and i just want to be her friend
my heart is in ruins
i completely feel like im losing
control of my life
i want to love so many people
(no not in that way)
but yeah its too (excuse me)
fucking hard
when you were your heart on your sleeve
and your expectations are fucking shut
so yet i continue to be mentally beaten
by these stupid thoughts
god is before me and my love
but my mind is so plagued with thoughts
of a no existanstance
sigh* ive been reduced to clouded
ventures
im so tired
help me
it's been quiet a while since ive written an entry....ive been so so busy with my schooling and work...a lot has happen from cancer scares (myself) to the fact that i had to realize the facts of human mortality in the most deep of pains....i had to attend my second funeral in the last two months but this one hit me harder than Marion's daughter funeral...seeing as my good friend and coworker Adam lost his dear wife to the cancer....she left him with three beautiful children..when i attended the reception my eyes just watered so much...i couldnt believe that she left this earth in such pain...i question motives in god but i only think of how she's looking down upon her beautiful children...
im really really tired of writing
i need help
i need prayers
if anyone wants to leave me a message on my lj its cool but id feel better if someone calls me instead
(818) 272-1007