my turn
my head is a whirlwind of thoughts. pros, cons, strength, weakness, opportunity, strength; but nothing seem to make much sense. what people say doesn't seem to make much sense either. it's november. that time of the year. the day that marks that you're not here. how the idea of listening to azure ray, time and time again, tires me. how there are signs everywhere. the bookstore. the tv. the computer. the internet. god bless the internet. how you can become so emotional in front of a blinking monitor. the taskbar blinking orange. how you squint through your wet eyes to the tiny letters. tiny letters forming tiny words. it's all there, staring back at you, screaming with their tiny capitals. what does it matter anyway? lies are easier told than the truth. how is this any different? as you lay your cards out to the next stranger, you begin to realize, this is not the person I knew I was. it never was that simple. it never was that easy. heartbreaker. that's not the person I knew you were. don't time flies? a couple of months and the fact hits you hard. it hit me harder. when I learned that I'm not the person he thought he knew. all of a sudden nothing's interesting. nothing interests me more than going back in time. funny how all of this is related. the keychain. the bazaar, the seminar. the pin with my name on it. the brown sweatered guy who talked a lot. the quiet girl who listened. all the while thinking, how do all those names and times and places fit into any human being's brain? nervous. fidgety. time flies too fast. as the lights are turned on, I started searching, regretting. I didn't say goodbye. cold as ice. insecurities holding us back. see where it got us? someone else, someone else, when it could've been us, us, us.