(no subject)
I was stuck in an alien invasion movie when you told me you’re coming. Of course it was a casual thing, where a person met up with a person’s friend, even if they were the opposite sex; but it’s perfectly common and casual. I try to forget our past common and casual meet-ups, where things had not gone exactly casual, and tell myself: “I’m 21 now, I’m perfectly able to control myself” like age had anything to do with it.
We met outside the cinema. You’ve cut your hair and smelled nice. You’re the person I remembered from two years ago. Yeah, you were a lot chattier back then. You wouldn’t let me finish a sentence. That’s not a bad thing. You just had so many things to tell me, back then. Back then has been quite a while, right? We shook hands like we were newly acquainted. I secretly thought we did it just for the sake of touching each other - if you know me well, you’d know how my imagination tend to run amok at the worst of times.
After the obligatory ‘what are you up to right now’ talk - you’re still commuting between two cities and two jobs and you say it’s killing you and I’m commuting between my house and my office and say it’s killing me - we went and looked for a place to eat. It’s Christmas in 2 days and the loudspeakers are playing ‘I just want you for my own, more than you could ever known’. We kept bumping into couples shopping for tuxedos and dresses and tree decorations, and all of a sudden it started snowing. Tiny soap bubbles were falling from the ceiling and kids were screaming and jumping up and down, and we got so caught up in the frenzy that we started brushing bubbles off each other’s clothes and hair. You finally realized what you were doing then you said, “Let’s get some pancakes.”
By the time we got seated I got nervous. I remembered things always got ugly when we were seated. We would say things we wouldn’t normally say while standing up, things like, “I’ve missed you,” or “I’ve been meaning to ask you this..” or “I’ve been dying to tell you that..”, then I’d regret agreeing to meet you. So I shut my mouth and listened to you talking about this band who is actually just a man who plays plenty of instruments and formed another band who is actually just himself too, and named it after a song title of his previous band. I’ve always wondered how you did it, fit so many information in your head, and I wondered if such an effort did not tire you.
Then you asked me if my boyfriend knew that I was meeting him, and I said no. Just like the last time. But this time I didn’t ask if his girlfriend knew that he was meeting me because I thought I knew that they’re no longer together. And I just hate to bring that subject up. Then I pointed out to him that this was just a common casual meet-up, between a person and the person’s friend, right? And you said, “Absolutely.”
You wished me a belated birthday, and handed me a yellow copy of the book that “I have one in pink. They ran out of yellow at that time.” I said it was very thoughtful of you, but does this mean I owe you a birthday present too? And you said, “Absolutely.”
At that moment I thought I heard myself say, “What?” as I played with the gift wrap on the table. You set the standing calendar-like menu aside and placed your fork on the plate. You seem to hate strawberries; I noticed you didn’t touch any of it. Then slowly and quietly you reached across the table to my left hand, spreading it open and examining it like a palm reader would, tracing the lines and outlines of my fingers, then just as slowly and quietly, lacing your fingers through them.
I worried that I would grow more nervous which meant my palms would grow sweaty, but then I realized I was clenching a crumpled piece of gift wrap in my hands and heard you say, “Were you listening? I said I’ve been eyeing that new album which I heard was the last one that…”
We met outside the cinema. You’ve cut your hair and smelled nice. You’re the person I remembered from two years ago. Yeah, you were a lot chattier back then. You wouldn’t let me finish a sentence. That’s not a bad thing. You just had so many things to tell me, back then. Back then has been quite a while, right? We shook hands like we were newly acquainted. I secretly thought we did it just for the sake of touching each other - if you know me well, you’d know how my imagination tend to run amok at the worst of times.
After the obligatory ‘what are you up to right now’ talk - you’re still commuting between two cities and two jobs and you say it’s killing you and I’m commuting between my house and my office and say it’s killing me - we went and looked for a place to eat. It’s Christmas in 2 days and the loudspeakers are playing ‘I just want you for my own, more than you could ever known’. We kept bumping into couples shopping for tuxedos and dresses and tree decorations, and all of a sudden it started snowing. Tiny soap bubbles were falling from the ceiling and kids were screaming and jumping up and down, and we got so caught up in the frenzy that we started brushing bubbles off each other’s clothes and hair. You finally realized what you were doing then you said, “Let’s get some pancakes.”
By the time we got seated I got nervous. I remembered things always got ugly when we were seated. We would say things we wouldn’t normally say while standing up, things like, “I’ve missed you,” or “I’ve been meaning to ask you this..” or “I’ve been dying to tell you that..”, then I’d regret agreeing to meet you. So I shut my mouth and listened to you talking about this band who is actually just a man who plays plenty of instruments and formed another band who is actually just himself too, and named it after a song title of his previous band. I’ve always wondered how you did it, fit so many information in your head, and I wondered if such an effort did not tire you.
Then you asked me if my boyfriend knew that I was meeting him, and I said no. Just like the last time. But this time I didn’t ask if his girlfriend knew that he was meeting me because I thought I knew that they’re no longer together. And I just hate to bring that subject up. Then I pointed out to him that this was just a common casual meet-up, between a person and the person’s friend, right? And you said, “Absolutely.”
You wished me a belated birthday, and handed me a yellow copy of the book that “I have one in pink. They ran out of yellow at that time.” I said it was very thoughtful of you, but does this mean I owe you a birthday present too? And you said, “Absolutely.”
At that moment I thought I heard myself say, “What?” as I played with the gift wrap on the table. You set the standing calendar-like menu aside and placed your fork on the plate. You seem to hate strawberries; I noticed you didn’t touch any of it. Then slowly and quietly you reached across the table to my left hand, spreading it open and examining it like a palm reader would, tracing the lines and outlines of my fingers, then just as slowly and quietly, lacing your fingers through them.
I worried that I would grow more nervous which meant my palms would grow sweaty, but then I realized I was clenching a crumpled piece of gift wrap in my hands and heard you say, “Were you listening? I said I’ve been eyeing that new album which I heard was the last one that…”