(no subject)

[pratzstrike]

The new girl. She's Famous, with a capital F, but Sick, too, with a capital S. She went to the hospital a week ago after a respiratory arrest which revealed a cancer in her throat, and 20 minutes ago they put her under to go in for surgery. I love her, I do, she's a wonderful, amazing person, but I'm not in love her with, because the whole time I'm holding her and talking to her at the last few moments before she shut down her computer she asked me to dream of her and all of a sudden all I could think of was how much I wanted to dream of Pat and Almeda, too. I love them both, so much, and I need them, I need them right this instant to help me not be so scared for my friend. I know she's going to come through, my mom knows she's going to come through, she's completely unfazed by this and has the utmost confidence, but how do I tell her how much I care for my new friend, who's not been able to get in touch with her family in the past week to tell them what's going on until just yesterday. She's been all alone, and getting progressively more scared, and she has a crush on me and says she wants to be my first but I don't know what to make of it because I know I love her as a person but I just met her and I know I'm not in love with her, and I don't want to take advantage of her, since she might be famous but she's so obviously unused to dealing with people on a one to one level who aren't trying to fuck her over for something she's got but I couldn't bring myself to tell her that while she was crying, scared for her life as the time approached so I tell her that I love her and I want to be around her and I do but maybe not in the way she wants so much, or maybe even so, because I wonder if Pat and Almeda got to know her like I have that they'd love her too, so many people would love her if they ignored who she was, but I think of both of them and I'm sitting here almost crying at how bad I need them to tell me it's gonna be ok, that my friend's gonna be ok... I'm so scared for her, even though I know she's going to be ok...

She asked me to dream about her. I want to dream about Pat and Almeda too, tonight, and not just them, but everyone I love. I want to have all my friends be all right and around me and be ok... I've got to finish the dishes, and then I've got dreaming to do.