OMG I HAD THIS BIG RAMBLING THING AND WAS ALMOST FINISHED AND I DID SOMETHING AND now it's gone. ._.
Okay. Let's try this again.
Merlin basically arrived in Anatole wrapped in bubble-wrap, because he found Arthur quickly and despite how it's his job to keep Arthur alive, he's also like a security blanket in armor. Merlin never would've been able to relax without him. But they arrived together, and because he believes that Arthur will be king, he's looked at Anatole as more of a bump in the road to destiny than a serious threat to it.
The fact that Arthur's been there before and returned home helps. And it's kind of nice that other people can use magic openly and not, you know, be executed for it. So he's just thought of it as some sort of vacation but mostly business as usual for him.
Only he's starting to realize that it may actually not be business as usual, and with that comes a touch of insecurity. Back in Camelot, he's the manservant to the Crown Prince, someone who has more access to him than most. But in Anatole, he's just that guy that follows Arthur around. His role feels dimished, his destiny is on pause, and I think that might start to rattle him. The whole "needs vs. wants" discussion kind of kickstarted a way of thinking that he's not been used to.
Lots of people have tried to drill the concept of freedom into his head. And while he knows that he and Arthur are friends no matter what their stations are, he's going to worry that freedom for them could also equal freedom from just as easily. And that would hurt him.
...On the other hand, all the angst could shine a light on that whole "what do you want?" dilemma.
Oh gosh. The urge to tell Arthur has lessened over the years. He's just gotten so used to keeping it a secret. He's less afraid that Arthur would sell him out now, but he knows it would be a bigger blow to their friendship now. Because they've been through so much and faced almost certain death so many times and you could have mentioned it before now!
But secrets obviously aren't as safe in Anatole. And it's a better environment for Arthur to find out than Camelot is. Telling Arthur is preferable to him just finding out, so...a good scare or two would probably make him feel like it's time to loosen those lips. I don't think he would mention the part about killing people necessarily, but after the cat was out of the bag, he wouldn't have any problems with Arthur seeing it for himself, if it came down to that.
Okay. Let's try this again.
Merlin basically arrived in Anatole wrapped in bubble-wrap, because he found Arthur quickly and despite how it's his job to keep Arthur alive, he's also like a security blanket in armor. Merlin never would've been able to relax without him. But they arrived together, and because he believes that Arthur will be king, he's looked at Anatole as more of a bump in the road to destiny than a serious threat to it.
The fact that Arthur's been there before and returned home helps. And it's kind of nice that other people can use magic openly and not, you know, be executed for it. So he's just thought of it as some sort of vacation but mostly business as usual for him.
Only he's starting to realize that it may actually not be business as usual, and with that comes a touch of insecurity. Back in Camelot, he's the manservant to the Crown Prince, someone who has more access to him than most. But in Anatole, he's just that guy that follows Arthur around. His role feels dimished, his destiny is on pause, and I think that might start to rattle him. The whole "needs vs. wants" discussion kind of kickstarted a way of thinking that he's not been used to.
Lots of people have tried to drill the concept of freedom into his head. And while he knows that he and Arthur are friends no matter what their stations are, he's going to worry that freedom for them could also equal freedom from just as easily. And that would hurt him.
...On the other hand, all the angst could shine a light on that whole "what do you want?" dilemma.
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Tell me about Merlin, magic, and killing people. Will he ever tell Arthur?
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But secrets obviously aren't as safe in Anatole. And it's a better environment for Arthur to find out than Camelot is. Telling Arthur is preferable to him just finding out, so...a good scare or two would probably make him feel like it's time to loosen those lips. I don't think he would mention the part about killing people necessarily, but after the cat was out of the bag, he wouldn't have any problems with Arthur seeing it for himself, if it came down to that.
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