((A/U RP log.))
((This log is based on what could/did happen after my fic Unseen Guardian and the companion fic for it, Espiritus, written by ravynfyre. This is an on-going RP, and more will likely be posted at a later date. Posted with permission by the other player, and is in script formatting.))
Steadfast: *hugs Wingblade, clinging!*
Wingblade: *tries to hide from the world in Steadfast's arms*
Steadfast: *"hides" her the best she can, curling around her*
Wingblade: *keeps switching between bouts of spark-wrenching sobs and long periods of complete silence and stillness*
Steadfast: *holds Wingblade all the while*
Wingblade: *after many megacycles, finally speaks up, her voice cracking* Why, Mama? Why?
Steadfast: *finds herself unable to speak at first, only making a choked noise*
Wingblade: *finally sobs herself into a much-needed, but not very restful recharge*
Steadfast: *still holds Wingblade, gently caressing her soothingly, spark-broken at the sight of her*
Wingblade: *even in recharge her face shows her pain*
Steadfast: *very tenderly caresses her, utterly careful not to wake her, firmly holding back the urge to sob*
Wingblade: *is almost unnaturally still in her sleep, especially for such an active young sparkling, but the hum of her systems and the air slowly cycling through her systems are proof that she's still alive*
Steadfast: *holds her, as if afraid to lose her, still forcing herself very hard not to sob*
Wingblade: *remains in that still recharge for well over a day, closer to two days*
Steadfast: *doesn't move even once during that time, or recharge herself, her own needs superseded by the need to take care of Wingblade*
Wingblade: *starts to slowly come out of recharge, clearly disoriented*
Steadfast: *still holding her, concern involuntarily showing on her face*
Wingblade: *slowly, quietly* Mama...?
Steadfast: Yes, Wingblade?
Wingblade: ...What happened? I... I can't remember. I know something bad happened... Really bad... ...but I can't remember what it was...
Steadfast: *is concerned about what appears to be memory loss on Wingblade's part, internally debating with herself whether she should remind the Sparkling of what happened, or leave her in not-so-blissful ignorance - but then, the time for keeping Wingblade in ignorance about certain events appears to be long over* *touching Wingblade tenderly while she speaks* The worst thing that ever was happened. Unicron came to your world, and your parents... *her voice cracks* are dead.
Wingblade: *her fields pale and she starts to tremble* No... no... It can't be... You're lying! They can't be dead! They can't die! *starts sobbing, hitting Steadfast's chest without any real force* They can't die...
Steadfast: *drawn Wingblade close to herself, otherwise doing nothing to stop her from hitting her, not daring to speak*
Wingblade: *sobs brokenly into Steadfast's chest, unable to do anything else*
Steadfast: *holds her, wishing with all her might that she could do more than that, that she wouldn't be so slagging helpless*
Wingblade: *eventually her sobs die away and she just clings to Steadfast as hard as she can*
Steadfast: *holds her for all she's worth*
Wingblade: *quietly, her voice full of grief* I don't wanna be without them, Mama...
Steadfast: *her voice just as quiet* Nor do I. Nor did I, ever... *bites her own glossa to keep herself from making a noise of grief*
Wingblade: *it is the same noise that Wingblade now makes, clinging all the tighter* What do I do, Mama? *voice lost, forlorn*
Steadfast: *flatly* Survive. Go on.
Wingblade: *still in the lost voice* Why? Nothing left...
Steadfast: *vainly grasps for words that won't ring hollow* You are left. You are a Decepticon. A warrior. We don't give up.
Wingblade: But I'm also Daddy an' Fathy's sparkling... they've always been my life...
Steadfast: As they've been mine...*nearly choking on the words, her voice raw with grief* My bondmate. My wingbrother. *referring to her universe's Skywarp and TC* I... honour them by living on. We... we're all that's left of them now, do you understand?
Wingblade: But how?! *so lost to her grief that she can't picture life without them*
Steadfast: I wish I could tell you!
Wingblade: *starts sobbing into Steadfast's chest again* I don't know if I can, Mama...
Steadfast: You must. Please... I - couldn't bear to lose you. It's bad enough that they are lost to the world!
Wingblade: *sobs into her chest, clinging tightly once more*
Steadfast: *holds Wingblade, seeking to comfort her with all she can give, with all that she is*
Wingblade: *needs that comfort, and badly*
Steadfast: *holding her, fervently wanting to help her*
Wingblade: *eventually goes quiet, her power levels low from not having energon in a long time*
Steadfast: *notices* Wingblade... you need to refuel. *wonders how to get Wingblade to get off her lap to fetch energon, and finally, not wanting to let go of the sparkling even for a moment, decides on something desperate... opens a fuel line on her own arm and holds it to Wingblade's mouth* Drink... please. You must.
Wingblade: *quietly* Mama? *looks up at her questioning, not comprehending how low her power supply is*
Steadfast: *tries dripping the fuel onto/into Wingblade's mouth the best she can* Drink...
Wingblade: *obediently drinks, still not knowing why*
Steadfast: *lets her drink, not caring how her own fuel levels are getting lower*
Wingblade: *continues to drink, and soon she's able to think clearly again. Worriedly, she pushes Steadfast's arm away* Mama, you're gonna bleed yourself dry!
Steadfast: *almost in a trance, her mind fuzzy as her fingers manage to close up her fuel line without her knowing how - she's suffering from lack of fuel now herself*
Wingblade: *very worried* Mama! *searches around the room desperately, hoping to find an energon dispenser*
Steadfast: *dizzy, cursing herself now for letting herself get into a state that's worrying Wingblade*
Wingblade: *spots the energon dispenser and goes over to it, getting as many cubes as she can carry, bringing them back over* *sits down on the berth and shoves one at Steadfast* Drink, Mama.
Steadfast: *does drink, ashamed for having Wingblade taking care of her when she should be taking care of Wingblade, but part of her also considering it a good sign that Wingblade is able to do so (or able to get up at all, for that matter)*
Wingblade: *drinks some of the cubes herself, still having very low power levels*
Steadfast: *is glad to see Wingblade drink without prompting*
Wingblade: *tucks herself in close to Steadfast, not able to go long without physical contact with her, still drinking*
Steadfast: *keeps her close while drinking as much as she needs herself*
Wingblade: *continues to drink until both her primary and her spare tanks are full, then sets the energon aside and just curls up into Steadfast's side*
Steadfast: *lets her curl, holding her close*
Wingblade: *quiet, plaintive voice* Mama not leave?
Steadfast: Never, if I have any say in it.
Wingblade: *hugs Steadfast tightly, and slips back into recharge*
Steadfast: *is hugged, holding Wingblade tight, eventually allowing herself to slip into recharge as well as tiredness overcomes her*
Wingblade: *recharges, safe in Steadfast's arms*
Steadfast: *recharges as well*
Wingblade: *recharges a long time, though not as long as the last time, this one more restful*
Steadfast: *takes that as a good sign*
Wingblade: *eventually drifts awake*
Steadfast: *cuddles her comfortingly when she does*
Wingblade: *nestles close to Steadfast, not saying anything*
Steadfast: *doesn't expect her to say anything, just holds her, just being there for her*
Wingblade: *just nestles close, quiet and still, absorbing Steadfast's presence, for long after she would have been fidgeting and looking for something to do before*
Steadfast: *holds her, just pouring out her presence the best she can*
Wingblade: *just holds her, quiet and still, and if anyone hadn't looked carefully, they might have thought she'd gone into recharge*
Steadfast: *holds her, just as quiet*
Wingblade: *remains, quiet*
Steadfast: *tenderly strokes the side of Wingblade's helmet*
Wingblade: *nestles closer, absorbing the feel of Steadfast*
Steadfast: *holds her, willing to do so as long as Wingblade needs it, tenderly stroking her*
Wingblade: *snuggled up close, feeling very listless*
Steadfast: *notices, and gets worried* Wingblade, my dearest?
Wingblade: *softly* Yes, Mama?
Steadfast: *trying to be gentle about it* We need to get up eventually.
Wingblade: 'Kay, Mama. *doesn't actually move*
Steadfast: *very gently nudges her, trying to encourage her to get up*
Wingblade: *blinks up at Steadfast with wide, uncomprehending optics*
Steadfast: *gently strokes Wingblade's cheek, giving her time*
Wingblade: *leans into Steadfast's touch on her cheek, her optics dimming halfway*
Steadfast: *continuing with the gentle touch*
Wingblade: *continues to lean into it, eventually starting to nuzzle back*
Steadfast: *makes soft gentle noises*
Wingblade: *nuzzles Steadfast’s hand, but otherwise doesn't move*
Steadfast: *doesn't push her, cuddling her with her free hand*
Wingblade: *sighs softly and leans into Steadfast's hand*
Steadfast: *her whole being is one of quiet affection and caring for Wingblade*
Wingblade: *just absorbs that affection, unable to comprehend actually doing anything*
Steadfast: *realizes that Wingblade isn't ready to do more that that, and settles for just giving her affection, cuddling her very tenderly, as if to "feed" her with her love*
Wingblade: *nestles close, tucking her face into Steadfast's armor*
Steadfast: *holds her, cuddling her tenderly, again fighting the urge to sob*
Wingblade: *just remains there, and could easily remain there all day, doing nothing*
Steadfast: *cuddles her, feeling a bleak sensation of hopelessness at her failure to get Wingblade to get up*
Wingblade: *is just very listless, so very different from how she had been before everything had come crashing down around her*
Steadfast: *cradles Wingblade in her arms, rocking her* Is there anything you need, winglet? *knows the question is futile the moment she utters it, because what Wingblade really needs - her parents back - is precisely what Steadfast can't give her*
Wingblade: *softly, so softly* Don't know, Mama...
Steadfast: *feeling helpless, but tries anything she can think of* More energon? Something to distract you? Would you like to go flying?
Wingblade: *same soft voice* I don't know, Mama...
Steadfast: Wingblade... *rubs her cheek, really not knowing what to do, feeling increasingly aggravated at feeling so helpless*
Wingblade: *leans into the touch slightly*
Steadfast: *sighs, really having enough of not being able to help Wingblade more than this and getting nowhere - suddenly grips one of Wingblade's arms, almost-roughly trying to pull Wingblade off her lap* Get up! You're a Decepticon; act like one!
Wingblade: *blinks in surprise at Steadfast, but after a few moments Steadfast's insistent tugging achieves results and Wingblade stands*
Steadfast: *stands as well* That better. *puts a supportive hand on Wingblade's back*
Wingblade: *blinks almost owlishly at Steadfast, not knowing what to do now*
Steadfast: Come on, let's go outside... *figures that being under the open sky would do Wingblade good*
Wingblade: *waits for Steadfast to move, to show her the way*
Steadfast: *leads/guides/herds her*
Wingblade: *follows her, sticking close*
Steadfast: *keeps her close while leading her outside*
Wingblade: *even though it's not something she wants to do or doesn't want to do, she's moving*
Steadfast: *is glad that she at least got Wingblade to move, if well aware that they aren't "over the hump" yet*
Wingblade: *follows Steadfast*
Steadfast: *when they've arrived outside, just stands there for a moment*
Wingblade: *stands just behind and to the side of Steadfast, just barely touching her*
Steadfast: Can you fly? *her tone is gentle, but just firm enough to indicate that she won't settle for a "no"*
Wingblade: *blinks owlishly again, and says softly* Yes, Mama.
Steadfast: *with that firm gentleness* Let's. *leaps into the air, expecting Wingblade to follow*
Wingblade: *and does follow, though her characteristic whoop is missing, as is her joy at flying*
Steadfast: *notices that lack of joy, and it feels like claws squashing her spark*
Wingblade: *is merely following her Mama, as if she can't allow herself to get more than a few feet from her*
Steadfast: *leads Wingblade, not trying any aerial acrobatics, as she doubts Wingblade would have the concentration for them, just flying*
Wingblade: *flies with her mama, sticking as close as she can*
Steadfast: *flying with her, well aware of how Wingblade is sticking closely to her as if the sparkling was afraid of losing her as well*
Wingblade: *sticks close to her, quiet, but is moving, which is better than how she had been before*
Steadfast: *is intent on keeping her moving for now, flying wide circles*
Wingblade: *follows her in the circles*
Steadfast: *flies, with no particular aim, just wanting to keep Wingblade moving*
Wingblade: *continues to fly, just following her*
Steadfast: *continues to fly*
Wingblade: *continues to follow her*
Steadfast: *only returns and lands when exhaustion demands it*
Wingblade: *obediently follows, landing just next to Steadfast, reaching out to touch her, needing the contact*
Steadfast: *touching her, knowing she needs it*
Wingblade: *presses close to Steadfast*
Steadfast: *holds her close, not having the "heart" not to, even if she fears it will lead to another lengthy episode of Wingblade clinging to her and nothing but*
Wingblade: *and that she does, holding tight, as if afraid Steadfast would disappear if she let go*
Steadfast: *holds her almost painfully tight*
Wingblade: *clings to her for all she's worth*
Steadfast: *holds her, making incoherent soothing noises*
Wingblade: *practically buries herself in Steadfast's arms*
Steadfast: *keeps making the noises*
Wingblade: *continues to cling desperately*
Steadfast: *notices how desperately Wingblade is clinging* Shhh... *cuddles her* Wingblade, we should go inside. We can't stand here all day.
Wingblade: Alright, Mama...
Steadfast: *leads her inside, holding her hand*
Wingblade: *doesn't let go of Steadfast's hand*
Steadfast: *isn't going to make her let go*
Wingblade: *isn't letting go!*
Steadfast: *leads Wingblade back to her quarters*
Wingblade: *doesn't let go of Steadfast on the way there*
Steadfast: *makes no effort to make her let go, herding her inside when they arrive*
Wingblade: *is herded inside, still holding onto Steadfast*
Steadfast: *guides her towards where they can sit down*
Wingblade: *is guided, curling up on Steadfast's lap when she can*
Steadfast: *gathers her close on her lap, cradling her*
Wingblade: *nestles close and murmurs* Mama...
Steadfast: I'm here, winglet. I'm not letting you go. *affectionate, holding Wingblade*
Wingblade: *tucks herself in as close as possible before slipping into recharge*
Steadfast: *holds her while she recharges, eventually drifting off herself*
Wingblade: *is out flying with her mama once more*
Steadfast: *flying with her*
Wingblade: *continues to fly, still staying practically right on Steadfast's afterburners*
Steadfast: *is aware of her staying as close, knowing that all Wingblade can do right now*
Wingblade: *suddenly drops back slightly and gives a corkscrew before returning to her spot right behind Steadfast, remaining silent the whole time*
Steadfast: *happy at seeing as much, but not daring to comment on in, as if not wanting to disturb what little progress Wingblade has made*
Wingblade: *every so often does something like that again, though she remains silent the entire time*
Steadfast: *watches her*
Wingblade: *eventually starts to get tired, and so practically glues herself to Steadfast*
Steadfast: *is aware, and starts leading her back*
Wingblade: *follows*
Steadfast: *leads her all the way back, then lands to usher her inside, deliberately not taking her hand this time (to see if she can do without for a moment)*
Wingblade: *makes a quiet noise, reaching out to touch Steadfast's arm*
Steadfast: *makes a soothing noise, but doesn't touch her back*
Wingblade: *wraps her hand around Steadfast's arm, needing the contact still*
Steadfast: *sighs softly in near-resignation, allowing Wingblade's hand to remain there as she walks her back to her quarters*
Wingblade: *still following her*
Steadfast: *ushers her inside when they arrive*
Wingblade: *is ushered inside, doing what Steadfast wants her to do*
Steadfast: *gestures for her to sit, and sits down herself*
Wingblade: *sits obediently*
Steadfast: *notices how quietly obedient Wingblade is, and it pains her inside* Wingblade, don't you wish to talk?
Wingblade: *in the same soft voice she's been using all week* About what, Mama?
Steadfast: *in a calm voice, fighting down her own unhappiness* Anything. Anything you'd wish to talk about. You used to - you couldn't stop chattering. I miss that winglet. *stops, afraid she's already said too much*
Wingblade: *looks down* I'm sorry, Mama...
Steadfast: Please, no... no "sorry". Just... I miss you so much. I miss the Wingblade you were before...
Wingblade: *leans to rest her helm on Steadfast's shoulder* I don't think that Wingblade still exists, Mama...
Steadfast: *at this, hugs Wingblade tight, clenching her jaw assembly to regain own composure*
Wingblade: *hugs back tightly, tucking herself in close*
Steadfast: *holds her, incapable of words for a moment*
Wingblade: *nestles in close, sad that she's upset her mama*
Steadfast: *speaking quietly but firmly* It is not your fault, Wingblade.
Wingblade: But I'm still doing it, Mama...
Steadfast: *almost angrily* Yes. You’re hurting. You're feeling like a part of you has been ripped away. *is obviously speaking from experience* And it will hurt for a long time, much as I wish it were otherwise. But I will not stand for you letting yourself die. It's enough that they died. We can't all just curl up and die, no matter how much we may wish to. To live is the hard part, and we choose the hard way. Because we are warriors. *more gently* I'm not expecting you to be cheerful. Not in a long time. I'd just settle for - not dead. Not quiet. Not looking at me like that.
Wingblade: *quietly, but with more emotion in her voice* How, Mama? What am I supposed to do? *looks up at Steadfast, pleading*
Steadfast: *decides to give Wingblade small steps, in order for her to have something concrete to hold on to* Let's start with the not being quiet, shall we? We can talk for half an hour, okay? You can curl up on my lap, or hold my hand, or whatever you need to. And then you just talk - about whatever comes to mind.
Wingblade: 'Kay. *curls up, quiet a moment, then* What was it like, Mama? When they first died for you?
Steadfast: *is quiet for a moment, collecting herself for what will certainly not be an easy talk by any means, but clearly willing to answer Wingblade's question when ready*
Wingblade: *watches and waits, expectant*
Steadfast: *looks at Wingblade* I will tell you the best I can, but there aren't really words for all of it. I wasn't there for the battle on Autobot City. I was on Cybertron, flying patrol when... there was a moment when I felt - something cold that swallowed part of my life. I can't really describe it, but - I think that was the moment when... you know.
Wingblade: What about when someone told you?
Steadfast: I... I only found out about it in pieces, really. About what happened. But that they were gone... When Astrotrain came back, he came without them. They were all gone... my leader, my bondmate, Thundercracker.. There are no words for this.
Wingblade: *whispers* Gone? Just gone?
Steadfast: *nods* Just gone. There were no bodies. I couldn't believe it... needed to see the bodies to - to start facing it was real, but they - they didn't keep them. I... all they wanted to admit was that the bodies weren't there because they'd dumped them in space. I asked Starscream... I asked him if they were already dead when they... when they abandoned them. I had to know. He couldn't look me in the optics. He hit me hard - one moment I was standing, the next I was sliding on the floor. Told me to never question my leader. I got up on my hands and knees, and I knew. He hadn't admitted it with words, but I knew.
Wingblade: *whimpers quietly as the realization dawns on her what Steadfast means*
Steadfast: *wordlessly holds her tight, giving her time to absorb that realization*
Wingblade: *continues to whimper, trying to press as close as physically possible*
Steadfast: *holds her, not speaking for the moment, as she's not sure if Wingblade could take any more right now*
Wingblade: *just clings for all she's worth, her face buried in Steadfast's armor*
Steadfast: *holds her, not making a sound, just offering her presence*
Wingblade: *quiet, muffled* Why, Mama? Why would they do that?
Steadfast: *her explanation sounds oddly matter-of-fact, though there's emotion flickering in her optics* They... they wanted to survive, to get back to Cybertron. And Starscream... Starscream wanted what he'd wanted all the while - to get rule the Decepticons himself. It was Megatron he wanted to get rid of - Skywarp and Thundercracker were just sacrificed along with him.
Wingblade: *whimpers, unable to believe it*
Steadfast: *holds Wingblade* I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I wish you'd never have had to know...
Wingblade: *begins to tremble in Steadfast's arms, pressing closer, as if wanting to crawl into Steadfast's armor plating*
Steadfast: *holds Wingblade, cuddling her almost frantically and making incoherent soothing noises, anything to calm her...
Wingblade: *tries to absorb as much as she can from Steadfast, still trembling and whimpering*
Steadfast: *holding her, still making desperate attempts at soothing her*
Wingblade: *suddenly cries out* Gotta kill Starscream for what he did! *begins to sob into Steadfast's chest, her former listlessness broken, at least for the moment*
Steadfast: *feels a rush of conflicting emotions - something akin to relief, or even a kind of triumph, at Wingblade being able to get angry, being something other than a listless shadow, as well as horror at knowing that Wingblade is now going through exactly what she had been going through*
Wingblade: *still sobbing into Steadfast's chest*
Steadfast: *holds Wingblade almost violently tight, her optics - unseen to the Sparkling - glowing with bale-fire anger at the universe in general and her own helplessness in dealing with this in particular. If only she could think of what to say to Wingblade!*
Wingblade: *her voice hitching ((think hiccupping))* Can we kill 'im, Mama? Can we?
Steadfast: It's not that simple... *cuddling Wingblade in a way that appears almost absent-minded as she's trying to sort her thoughts* But if the universe you're from is anything like this one, he will be killed, if not by my hand. At his own coronation, too. Or "has been killed," by now, I guess.
Wingblade: *wide-opticked* Has been killed?
Steadfast: Yes. Starscream was killed by Galvatron. He just didn't do what normal dead people do and join the Allspark. *wryly* Guess he can't take being out of the action.
Wingblade: *confused look* Starscream's dead? Then is he still showing up? And who's Galvatron?
Steadfast: He's dead. He shows up the way revenants do. And Galvatron *she pronounces the name with obvious reverence* is the one who came to lead us.
Wingblade: *nestle close* Then how come he seems so solid? *notices Steadfast's tone of voice* Is he better than Megatron, Mama?
Steadfast: Depends on which Starscream you speak of... and - *doesn't want to insult either Megatron's memory nor Galvatron* In some ways, maybe. And in some ways, he's just different. And in a way, they're the same, but different.
Wingblade: *tucks herself in close, getting tired from the emotional outburst*
Steadfast: *holds Wingblade, if not as frantically tight as before, intending to allow her to rest in her arms*
Wingblade: *slips into recharge*
Steadfast: *keeps watching over her, feeling rather drained herself in a way that isn't physical*
Wingblade: *recharging quietly*
Steadfast: *watches over her, quiet and thoughtful*
Wingblade: *rechargerechargerecharge*
Steadfast: *remains with her, eventually allowing herself to drift off herself, thinking it prudent to recharge as to gain new strength for the next round of being there for Wingblade*
Wingblade: *nestles close in her recharge, practically clinging to Steadfast*
Steadfast: *still protectively wrapped around Wingblade while recharging*
Wingblade: *starts to slowly come out of recharge, stirring, clinging*
Steadfast: *immediately wakes as well, as if attuned to her, stirring* How do you feel, Wingblade? *the tone is one of calm enquiry*
Wingblade: *quiet* Do I gotta answer, Mama?
Steadfast: You're not required to. But if you are capable of doing so, I would appreciate if you did, because I care.
Wingblade: *nestles close* Don't feel good, Mama.
Steadfast: *touches Wingblade tenderly* I know. - *after a thoughtful pause, quietly* There is something I may owe you an apology for. I'm now wondering whether I was doing right in keeping you ignorant about what would happen. But - I thought it would be bad enough for you to feel the pain you're now feeling. I didn't want you to feel it and the pain of waiting for that pain, knowing it would come. *like she had know that those things would come for Wingblade...*
Wingblade: *trembles* You knew, Mama?
Steadfast: I knew, because for me, those things had already happened. I knew of Unicron. I had grieved for the ones that, in your universe, were your parents. I kept all this from you as to not burden you.
Wingblade: *still trembling, unable to process that she'd been lied to by family*
Steadfast: *has a very good guess as to what Wingblade must be feeling and thinking now* *very quietly* I'm sorry.
Wingblade: *starts to curl up on herself, shuddering and crying quietly*
Steadfast: *barely daring to touch Wingblade at all, looking at her with an empty stare*
Wingblade: Why, Mama? Why?
Steadfast: *pained* Because I wanted to protect you at all cost. Because I didn't know any better, not that it excuses my decision. I did the best I could think of and it wasn't enough. I'm sorry.
Wingblade: *makes a choked noise, torn between throwing herself at Steadfast and clinging to her like a lifeline and yelling and throwing things at her*
Steadfast: *just quietly is there, not backing away from Wingblade*
Wingblade: *trembles* Mama? Is there anything else you've been keeping from me?
Steadfast: No.
Wingblade: *makes a quiet, strained noise, then throws herself at Steadfast, clinging to her as tightly as she could*
Steadfast: *holds her, all her love in that gesture*
Wingblade: *shudders and gasps, clinging tightly*
Steadfast: *doesn't stop holding her, her embrace both fierce and tentative, as if Wingblade was a fragile item that could be broken by one wrong move*
Wingblade: *clings to her tightly, shuddering, near-sobbing*
Steadfast: *rubs what parts of Wingblade's back she can reach soothingly*
Wingblade: *eventually goes quiet, low on power, though not as low as she had been that one time before*
Steadfast: *gently caresses her, and then very carefully lets go of her so that she can get up and get energon for them*
Wingblade: *curls up on Steadfast's berth, watching her*
Steadfast: *comes back with the energon, settling next to Wingblade and handing her a cube* Drink.
Wingblade: *drinks obediently, curling up on Steadfast's lap*
Steadfast: *allows her to curl like that, sipping from her own cube*
Wingblade: *when she's done, curls up, quiet*
Steadfast: *wraps her arms around Wingblade, and just sits with her*
Wingblade: *is quiet, still reeling*
Steadfast: *knows and respects that, not demanding anything from Wingblade right now, just letting her remain there*
Wingblade: *remains there, very still, almost as if she's in recharge, but she's not*
Steadfast: *is quiet, just being there*
Wingblade: *drifts, quiet*
Steadfast: *touches Wingblade with the back of her hand, not moving otherwise, her expression tender, and perhaps tired, though the tiredness isn't physical*
Wingblade: *stirs a little bit, trying to press into the touch*
Steadfast: *caresses Wingblade, her touch still light*
Wingblade: *seems to crave the touch, pressing closer*
Steadfast: *increases the pressure with with she's stroking Wingblade a little in response, and gazes at her with calm maternal optics*
Wingblade: *makes a soft noise. It's not the purr she would have made before, but it's not unhappy either*
Steadfast: *under the circumstances, is ready to thank any applicable deity for even that much*
Wingblade: *nestles close to Steadfast*
Steadfast: *holds Wingblade close, sighing softly*
Wingblade: *murmurs softly* Mama...
Steadfast: *caresses her, speaking softly* Yes, I'm here. I'll be with you as long as there's life in me. *kisses the top of Wingblade's helmet*
Wingblade: *twists so that she can wrap her arms around Steadfast, hanging onto her tightly*
Steadfast: *wraps her own arms around her in turn, rubbing what she can reach of Wingblade's back*
Wingblade: *just holds her as tightly as she can*
Steadfast: *has no intention at all to remove herself from that hold, rubbing Wingblade and making soothing noises, nearly cooing*
Wingblade: *quietly, pained voice* I want Daddy an' Fathy here...
Steadfast: *her face tightens ever so subtly with held-back pain - the thing Wingblade asked for is the one thing she can't give her*
Wingblade: *and she knows Steadfast can't give it to her, and so clings to Steadfast as tightly as she can*
Steadfast: *holds her, her own throat tightening with emotion... finally manage to force out some words that she can only hope won't ring hollow* They are here. In here. *takes a hand away from where it was and slides it between them to put it on Wingblade's chest, over the location of her spark* You were made from both of them. All the good qualities that there were in Skywarp... and in Thundercracker... *she pauses after each name for emphasis* You were made from that stuff.
Wingblade: *makes a choked noise, trembling* It's not the same, Mama. It's not the same...
Steadfast: *touches her as if her hands could give Wingblade a hold on sanity* I know. I know it every day. All I can give you is me... please, darling, please...
Wingblade: *clings tightly, shaking and making quiet unhappy noises*
Steadfast: *holds her almost frantically tight, if still careful not to hurt her, rocking her and making soothing noises... at least she tries to make them sound soothing - she's pretty shaky*
Wingblade: *is close to starting to sob again*
Steadfast: No, don't... don't... *rubs her*
Wingblade: *shudders, trying to keep herself together, but it's only working just barely*
Steadfast: *notices, and with a sigh, tries a different approach, implicitly giving Wingblade permissing to cry by holding her close and saying - * It's alright. It's alright. No one here to see but us.
Wingblade: *shudders* But...but... gotta be strong...
Steadfast: *doesn't want to discourage that attitude in Wingblade, but under the circumstances* I know. But sometimes... sometimes even the strong get broken. And then all we can be - what we have to be - is strong sets of broken pieces. *rubs Wingblade's chest*
Wingblade: *starts to sob again, clinging to Steadfast with all she's got*
Steadfast: *holds Wingblade, rubbing her soothingly as she patiently waits for her to finish crying herself out*
Wingblade: *sobs, clinging*
Steadfast: *still holding her, cradling her, like a big trough to catch all of Wingblade's pain*
Wingblade: *sobs for a long time before starting to quiet, still clinging to Steadfast with all she's got*
Steadfast: *still holding her when she goes quiet*
Wingblade: *just clings, trembling*
Steadfast: *holds her, very gently stroking her to soothe her tremors*
Wingblade: *the air cycling through her systems hitches a bit, but she doesn't starts sobbing again* *quietly* Don't know what to do without them, Mama...
Steadfast: I know. But I'll try - no, I'll do my best to show you. To guide you. I can't be them, much as they were once... *she breaks off, her own voice hitching* ...but I can be your Mama.
Wingblade: *clings with all her strength* *very quietly* I was s'possed to join them after I got out of the Academy. They said if I made sure to do really really good at the Academy, they'd set it up so I'd get assigned to the same place as them.
Steadfast: *dims her optics for a moment, holding back pain, not replying in words but quietly holding Wingblade*
Wingblade: *just clings to Steadfast as if she's her last lifeline*
Steadfast: *holds Wingblade just as fiercely, as if to offer that lifeline* You would have done them proud... I'm sure of it.
Wingblade: *her voice hitching* N-now I can't d-do that...
Steadfast: But you can still strive to be the best you can be. Like you would have done... like you did when they were there.
Wingblade: B-but there's nothing for me to do... *it's obvious that being assigned with her parents is the only possible future she expected, or even thought about*
Steadfast: We will find something for you to do.
Wingblade: Even though I didn't finish at the Academy?
Steadfast: We... someone can teach you what you need as you go.
Wingblade: 'Kay. *nestles close*
Steadfast: *holds her, glad that she's content with her answers for the moment*
Wingblade: *is still holding Steadfast tight, but isn't clinging as much*
Steadfast: *notices, taking it as a good sign, and keeps holding her for as long as she needs*
((Aaaaaaaaand that's the end, as we discontinued when the actual LJ RP version started.))
Steadfast: *hugs Wingblade, clinging!*
Wingblade: *tries to hide from the world in Steadfast's arms*
Steadfast: *"hides" her the best she can, curling around her*
Wingblade: *keeps switching between bouts of spark-wrenching sobs and long periods of complete silence and stillness*
Steadfast: *holds Wingblade all the while*
Wingblade: *after many megacycles, finally speaks up, her voice cracking* Why, Mama? Why?
Steadfast: *finds herself unable to speak at first, only making a choked noise*
Wingblade: *finally sobs herself into a much-needed, but not very restful recharge*
Steadfast: *still holds Wingblade, gently caressing her soothingly, spark-broken at the sight of her*
Wingblade: *even in recharge her face shows her pain*
Steadfast: *very tenderly caresses her, utterly careful not to wake her, firmly holding back the urge to sob*
Wingblade: *is almost unnaturally still in her sleep, especially for such an active young sparkling, but the hum of her systems and the air slowly cycling through her systems are proof that she's still alive*
Steadfast: *holds her, as if afraid to lose her, still forcing herself very hard not to sob*
Wingblade: *remains in that still recharge for well over a day, closer to two days*
Steadfast: *doesn't move even once during that time, or recharge herself, her own needs superseded by the need to take care of Wingblade*
Wingblade: *starts to slowly come out of recharge, clearly disoriented*
Steadfast: *still holding her, concern involuntarily showing on her face*
Wingblade: *slowly, quietly* Mama...?
Steadfast: Yes, Wingblade?
Wingblade: ...What happened? I... I can't remember. I know something bad happened... Really bad... ...but I can't remember what it was...
Steadfast: *is concerned about what appears to be memory loss on Wingblade's part, internally debating with herself whether she should remind the Sparkling of what happened, or leave her in not-so-blissful ignorance - but then, the time for keeping Wingblade in ignorance about certain events appears to be long over* *touching Wingblade tenderly while she speaks* The worst thing that ever was happened. Unicron came to your world, and your parents... *her voice cracks* are dead.
Wingblade: *her fields pale and she starts to tremble* No... no... It can't be... You're lying! They can't be dead! They can't die! *starts sobbing, hitting Steadfast's chest without any real force* They can't die...
Steadfast: *drawn Wingblade close to herself, otherwise doing nothing to stop her from hitting her, not daring to speak*
Wingblade: *sobs brokenly into Steadfast's chest, unable to do anything else*
Steadfast: *holds her, wishing with all her might that she could do more than that, that she wouldn't be so slagging helpless*
Wingblade: *eventually her sobs die away and she just clings to Steadfast as hard as she can*
Steadfast: *holds her for all she's worth*
Wingblade: *quietly, her voice full of grief* I don't wanna be without them, Mama...
Steadfast: *her voice just as quiet* Nor do I. Nor did I, ever... *bites her own glossa to keep herself from making a noise of grief*
Wingblade: *it is the same noise that Wingblade now makes, clinging all the tighter* What do I do, Mama? *voice lost, forlorn*
Steadfast: *flatly* Survive. Go on.
Wingblade: *still in the lost voice* Why? Nothing left...
Steadfast: *vainly grasps for words that won't ring hollow* You are left. You are a Decepticon. A warrior. We don't give up.
Wingblade: But I'm also Daddy an' Fathy's sparkling... they've always been my life...
Steadfast: As they've been mine...*nearly choking on the words, her voice raw with grief* My bondmate. My wingbrother. *referring to her universe's Skywarp and TC* I... honour them by living on. We... we're all that's left of them now, do you understand?
Wingblade: But how?! *so lost to her grief that she can't picture life without them*
Steadfast: I wish I could tell you!
Wingblade: *starts sobbing into Steadfast's chest again* I don't know if I can, Mama...
Steadfast: You must. Please... I - couldn't bear to lose you. It's bad enough that they are lost to the world!
Wingblade: *sobs into her chest, clinging tightly once more*
Steadfast: *holds Wingblade, seeking to comfort her with all she can give, with all that she is*
Wingblade: *needs that comfort, and badly*
Steadfast: *holding her, fervently wanting to help her*
Wingblade: *eventually goes quiet, her power levels low from not having energon in a long time*
Steadfast: *notices* Wingblade... you need to refuel. *wonders how to get Wingblade to get off her lap to fetch energon, and finally, not wanting to let go of the sparkling even for a moment, decides on something desperate... opens a fuel line on her own arm and holds it to Wingblade's mouth* Drink... please. You must.
Wingblade: *quietly* Mama? *looks up at her questioning, not comprehending how low her power supply is*
Steadfast: *tries dripping the fuel onto/into Wingblade's mouth the best she can* Drink...
Wingblade: *obediently drinks, still not knowing why*
Steadfast: *lets her drink, not caring how her own fuel levels are getting lower*
Wingblade: *continues to drink, and soon she's able to think clearly again. Worriedly, she pushes Steadfast's arm away* Mama, you're gonna bleed yourself dry!
Steadfast: *almost in a trance, her mind fuzzy as her fingers manage to close up her fuel line without her knowing how - she's suffering from lack of fuel now herself*
Wingblade: *very worried* Mama! *searches around the room desperately, hoping to find an energon dispenser*
Steadfast: *dizzy, cursing herself now for letting herself get into a state that's worrying Wingblade*
Wingblade: *spots the energon dispenser and goes over to it, getting as many cubes as she can carry, bringing them back over* *sits down on the berth and shoves one at Steadfast* Drink, Mama.
Steadfast: *does drink, ashamed for having Wingblade taking care of her when she should be taking care of Wingblade, but part of her also considering it a good sign that Wingblade is able to do so (or able to get up at all, for that matter)*
Wingblade: *drinks some of the cubes herself, still having very low power levels*
Steadfast: *is glad to see Wingblade drink without prompting*
Wingblade: *tucks herself in close to Steadfast, not able to go long without physical contact with her, still drinking*
Steadfast: *keeps her close while drinking as much as she needs herself*
Wingblade: *continues to drink until both her primary and her spare tanks are full, then sets the energon aside and just curls up into Steadfast's side*
Steadfast: *lets her curl, holding her close*
Wingblade: *quiet, plaintive voice* Mama not leave?
Steadfast: Never, if I have any say in it.
Wingblade: *hugs Steadfast tightly, and slips back into recharge*
Steadfast: *is hugged, holding Wingblade tight, eventually allowing herself to slip into recharge as well as tiredness overcomes her*
Wingblade: *recharges, safe in Steadfast's arms*
Steadfast: *recharges as well*
Wingblade: *recharges a long time, though not as long as the last time, this one more restful*
Steadfast: *takes that as a good sign*
Wingblade: *eventually drifts awake*
Steadfast: *cuddles her comfortingly when she does*
Wingblade: *nestles close to Steadfast, not saying anything*
Steadfast: *doesn't expect her to say anything, just holds her, just being there for her*
Wingblade: *just nestles close, quiet and still, absorbing Steadfast's presence, for long after she would have been fidgeting and looking for something to do before*
Steadfast: *holds her, just pouring out her presence the best she can*
Wingblade: *just holds her, quiet and still, and if anyone hadn't looked carefully, they might have thought she'd gone into recharge*
Steadfast: *holds her, just as quiet*
Wingblade: *remains, quiet*
Steadfast: *tenderly strokes the side of Wingblade's helmet*
Wingblade: *nestles closer, absorbing the feel of Steadfast*
Steadfast: *holds her, willing to do so as long as Wingblade needs it, tenderly stroking her*
Wingblade: *snuggled up close, feeling very listless*
Steadfast: *notices, and gets worried* Wingblade, my dearest?
Wingblade: *softly* Yes, Mama?
Steadfast: *trying to be gentle about it* We need to get up eventually.
Wingblade: 'Kay, Mama. *doesn't actually move*
Steadfast: *very gently nudges her, trying to encourage her to get up*
Wingblade: *blinks up at Steadfast with wide, uncomprehending optics*
Steadfast: *gently strokes Wingblade's cheek, giving her time*
Wingblade: *leans into Steadfast's touch on her cheek, her optics dimming halfway*
Steadfast: *continuing with the gentle touch*
Wingblade: *continues to lean into it, eventually starting to nuzzle back*
Steadfast: *makes soft gentle noises*
Wingblade: *nuzzles Steadfast’s hand, but otherwise doesn't move*
Steadfast: *doesn't push her, cuddling her with her free hand*
Wingblade: *sighs softly and leans into Steadfast's hand*
Steadfast: *her whole being is one of quiet affection and caring for Wingblade*
Wingblade: *just absorbs that affection, unable to comprehend actually doing anything*
Steadfast: *realizes that Wingblade isn't ready to do more that that, and settles for just giving her affection, cuddling her very tenderly, as if to "feed" her with her love*
Wingblade: *nestles close, tucking her face into Steadfast's armor*
Steadfast: *holds her, cuddling her tenderly, again fighting the urge to sob*
Wingblade: *just remains there, and could easily remain there all day, doing nothing*
Steadfast: *cuddles her, feeling a bleak sensation of hopelessness at her failure to get Wingblade to get up*
Wingblade: *is just very listless, so very different from how she had been before everything had come crashing down around her*
Steadfast: *cradles Wingblade in her arms, rocking her* Is there anything you need, winglet? *knows the question is futile the moment she utters it, because what Wingblade really needs - her parents back - is precisely what Steadfast can't give her*
Wingblade: *softly, so softly* Don't know, Mama...
Steadfast: *feeling helpless, but tries anything she can think of* More energon? Something to distract you? Would you like to go flying?
Wingblade: *same soft voice* I don't know, Mama...
Steadfast: Wingblade... *rubs her cheek, really not knowing what to do, feeling increasingly aggravated at feeling so helpless*
Wingblade: *leans into the touch slightly*
Steadfast: *sighs, really having enough of not being able to help Wingblade more than this and getting nowhere - suddenly grips one of Wingblade's arms, almost-roughly trying to pull Wingblade off her lap* Get up! You're a Decepticon; act like one!
Wingblade: *blinks in surprise at Steadfast, but after a few moments Steadfast's insistent tugging achieves results and Wingblade stands*
Steadfast: *stands as well* That better. *puts a supportive hand on Wingblade's back*
Wingblade: *blinks almost owlishly at Steadfast, not knowing what to do now*
Steadfast: Come on, let's go outside... *figures that being under the open sky would do Wingblade good*
Wingblade: *waits for Steadfast to move, to show her the way*
Steadfast: *leads/guides/herds her*
Wingblade: *follows her, sticking close*
Steadfast: *keeps her close while leading her outside*
Wingblade: *even though it's not something she wants to do or doesn't want to do, she's moving*
Steadfast: *is glad that she at least got Wingblade to move, if well aware that they aren't "over the hump" yet*
Wingblade: *follows Steadfast*
Steadfast: *when they've arrived outside, just stands there for a moment*
Wingblade: *stands just behind and to the side of Steadfast, just barely touching her*
Steadfast: Can you fly? *her tone is gentle, but just firm enough to indicate that she won't settle for a "no"*
Wingblade: *blinks owlishly again, and says softly* Yes, Mama.
Steadfast: *with that firm gentleness* Let's. *leaps into the air, expecting Wingblade to follow*
Wingblade: *and does follow, though her characteristic whoop is missing, as is her joy at flying*
Steadfast: *notices that lack of joy, and it feels like claws squashing her spark*
Wingblade: *is merely following her Mama, as if she can't allow herself to get more than a few feet from her*
Steadfast: *leads Wingblade, not trying any aerial acrobatics, as she doubts Wingblade would have the concentration for them, just flying*
Wingblade: *flies with her mama, sticking as close as she can*
Steadfast: *flying with her, well aware of how Wingblade is sticking closely to her as if the sparkling was afraid of losing her as well*
Wingblade: *sticks close to her, quiet, but is moving, which is better than how she had been before*
Steadfast: *is intent on keeping her moving for now, flying wide circles*
Wingblade: *follows her in the circles*
Steadfast: *flies, with no particular aim, just wanting to keep Wingblade moving*
Wingblade: *continues to fly, just following her*
Steadfast: *continues to fly*
Wingblade: *continues to follow her*
Steadfast: *only returns and lands when exhaustion demands it*
Wingblade: *obediently follows, landing just next to Steadfast, reaching out to touch her, needing the contact*
Steadfast: *touching her, knowing she needs it*
Wingblade: *presses close to Steadfast*
Steadfast: *holds her close, not having the "heart" not to, even if she fears it will lead to another lengthy episode of Wingblade clinging to her and nothing but*
Wingblade: *and that she does, holding tight, as if afraid Steadfast would disappear if she let go*
Steadfast: *holds her almost painfully tight*
Wingblade: *clings to her for all she's worth*
Steadfast: *holds her, making incoherent soothing noises*
Wingblade: *practically buries herself in Steadfast's arms*
Steadfast: *keeps making the noises*
Wingblade: *continues to cling desperately*
Steadfast: *notices how desperately Wingblade is clinging* Shhh... *cuddles her* Wingblade, we should go inside. We can't stand here all day.
Wingblade: Alright, Mama...
Steadfast: *leads her inside, holding her hand*
Wingblade: *doesn't let go of Steadfast's hand*
Steadfast: *isn't going to make her let go*
Wingblade: *isn't letting go!*
Steadfast: *leads Wingblade back to her quarters*
Wingblade: *doesn't let go of Steadfast on the way there*
Steadfast: *makes no effort to make her let go, herding her inside when they arrive*
Wingblade: *is herded inside, still holding onto Steadfast*
Steadfast: *guides her towards where they can sit down*
Wingblade: *is guided, curling up on Steadfast's lap when she can*
Steadfast: *gathers her close on her lap, cradling her*
Wingblade: *nestles close and murmurs* Mama...
Steadfast: I'm here, winglet. I'm not letting you go. *affectionate, holding Wingblade*
Wingblade: *tucks herself in as close as possible before slipping into recharge*
Steadfast: *holds her while she recharges, eventually drifting off herself*
Wingblade: *is out flying with her mama once more*
Steadfast: *flying with her*
Wingblade: *continues to fly, still staying practically right on Steadfast's afterburners*
Steadfast: *is aware of her staying as close, knowing that all Wingblade can do right now*
Wingblade: *suddenly drops back slightly and gives a corkscrew before returning to her spot right behind Steadfast, remaining silent the whole time*
Steadfast: *happy at seeing as much, but not daring to comment on in, as if not wanting to disturb what little progress Wingblade has made*
Wingblade: *every so often does something like that again, though she remains silent the entire time*
Steadfast: *watches her*
Wingblade: *eventually starts to get tired, and so practically glues herself to Steadfast*
Steadfast: *is aware, and starts leading her back*
Wingblade: *follows*
Steadfast: *leads her all the way back, then lands to usher her inside, deliberately not taking her hand this time (to see if she can do without for a moment)*
Wingblade: *makes a quiet noise, reaching out to touch Steadfast's arm*
Steadfast: *makes a soothing noise, but doesn't touch her back*
Wingblade: *wraps her hand around Steadfast's arm, needing the contact still*
Steadfast: *sighs softly in near-resignation, allowing Wingblade's hand to remain there as she walks her back to her quarters*
Wingblade: *still following her*
Steadfast: *ushers her inside when they arrive*
Wingblade: *is ushered inside, doing what Steadfast wants her to do*
Steadfast: *gestures for her to sit, and sits down herself*
Wingblade: *sits obediently*
Steadfast: *notices how quietly obedient Wingblade is, and it pains her inside* Wingblade, don't you wish to talk?
Wingblade: *in the same soft voice she's been using all week* About what, Mama?
Steadfast: *in a calm voice, fighting down her own unhappiness* Anything. Anything you'd wish to talk about. You used to - you couldn't stop chattering. I miss that winglet. *stops, afraid she's already said too much*
Wingblade: *looks down* I'm sorry, Mama...
Steadfast: Please, no... no "sorry". Just... I miss you so much. I miss the Wingblade you were before...
Wingblade: *leans to rest her helm on Steadfast's shoulder* I don't think that Wingblade still exists, Mama...
Steadfast: *at this, hugs Wingblade tight, clenching her jaw assembly to regain own composure*
Wingblade: *hugs back tightly, tucking herself in close*
Steadfast: *holds her, incapable of words for a moment*
Wingblade: *nestles in close, sad that she's upset her mama*
Steadfast: *speaking quietly but firmly* It is not your fault, Wingblade.
Wingblade: But I'm still doing it, Mama...
Steadfast: *almost angrily* Yes. You’re hurting. You're feeling like a part of you has been ripped away. *is obviously speaking from experience* And it will hurt for a long time, much as I wish it were otherwise. But I will not stand for you letting yourself die. It's enough that they died. We can't all just curl up and die, no matter how much we may wish to. To live is the hard part, and we choose the hard way. Because we are warriors. *more gently* I'm not expecting you to be cheerful. Not in a long time. I'd just settle for - not dead. Not quiet. Not looking at me like that.
Wingblade: *quietly, but with more emotion in her voice* How, Mama? What am I supposed to do? *looks up at Steadfast, pleading*
Steadfast: *decides to give Wingblade small steps, in order for her to have something concrete to hold on to* Let's start with the not being quiet, shall we? We can talk for half an hour, okay? You can curl up on my lap, or hold my hand, or whatever you need to. And then you just talk - about whatever comes to mind.
Wingblade: 'Kay. *curls up, quiet a moment, then* What was it like, Mama? When they first died for you?
Steadfast: *is quiet for a moment, collecting herself for what will certainly not be an easy talk by any means, but clearly willing to answer Wingblade's question when ready*
Wingblade: *watches and waits, expectant*
Steadfast: *looks at Wingblade* I will tell you the best I can, but there aren't really words for all of it. I wasn't there for the battle on Autobot City. I was on Cybertron, flying patrol when... there was a moment when I felt - something cold that swallowed part of my life. I can't really describe it, but - I think that was the moment when... you know.
Wingblade: What about when someone told you?
Steadfast: I... I only found out about it in pieces, really. About what happened. But that they were gone... When Astrotrain came back, he came without them. They were all gone... my leader, my bondmate, Thundercracker.. There are no words for this.
Wingblade: *whispers* Gone? Just gone?
Steadfast: *nods* Just gone. There were no bodies. I couldn't believe it... needed to see the bodies to - to start facing it was real, but they - they didn't keep them. I... all they wanted to admit was that the bodies weren't there because they'd dumped them in space. I asked Starscream... I asked him if they were already dead when they... when they abandoned them. I had to know. He couldn't look me in the optics. He hit me hard - one moment I was standing, the next I was sliding on the floor. Told me to never question my leader. I got up on my hands and knees, and I knew. He hadn't admitted it with words, but I knew.
Wingblade: *whimpers quietly as the realization dawns on her what Steadfast means*
Steadfast: *wordlessly holds her tight, giving her time to absorb that realization*
Wingblade: *continues to whimper, trying to press as close as physically possible*
Steadfast: *holds her, not speaking for the moment, as she's not sure if Wingblade could take any more right now*
Wingblade: *just clings for all she's worth, her face buried in Steadfast's armor*
Steadfast: *holds her, not making a sound, just offering her presence*
Wingblade: *quiet, muffled* Why, Mama? Why would they do that?
Steadfast: *her explanation sounds oddly matter-of-fact, though there's emotion flickering in her optics* They... they wanted to survive, to get back to Cybertron. And Starscream... Starscream wanted what he'd wanted all the while - to get rule the Decepticons himself. It was Megatron he wanted to get rid of - Skywarp and Thundercracker were just sacrificed along with him.
Wingblade: *whimpers, unable to believe it*
Steadfast: *holds Wingblade* I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I wish you'd never have had to know...
Wingblade: *begins to tremble in Steadfast's arms, pressing closer, as if wanting to crawl into Steadfast's armor plating*
Steadfast: *holds Wingblade, cuddling her almost frantically and making incoherent soothing noises, anything to calm her...
Wingblade: *tries to absorb as much as she can from Steadfast, still trembling and whimpering*
Steadfast: *holding her, still making desperate attempts at soothing her*
Wingblade: *suddenly cries out* Gotta kill Starscream for what he did! *begins to sob into Steadfast's chest, her former listlessness broken, at least for the moment*
Steadfast: *feels a rush of conflicting emotions - something akin to relief, or even a kind of triumph, at Wingblade being able to get angry, being something other than a listless shadow, as well as horror at knowing that Wingblade is now going through exactly what she had been going through*
Wingblade: *still sobbing into Steadfast's chest*
Steadfast: *holds Wingblade almost violently tight, her optics - unseen to the Sparkling - glowing with bale-fire anger at the universe in general and her own helplessness in dealing with this in particular. If only she could think of what to say to Wingblade!*
Wingblade: *her voice hitching ((think hiccupping))* Can we kill 'im, Mama? Can we?
Steadfast: It's not that simple... *cuddling Wingblade in a way that appears almost absent-minded as she's trying to sort her thoughts* But if the universe you're from is anything like this one, he will be killed, if not by my hand. At his own coronation, too. Or "has been killed," by now, I guess.
Wingblade: *wide-opticked* Has been killed?
Steadfast: Yes. Starscream was killed by Galvatron. He just didn't do what normal dead people do and join the Allspark. *wryly* Guess he can't take being out of the action.
Wingblade: *confused look* Starscream's dead? Then is he still showing up? And who's Galvatron?
Steadfast: He's dead. He shows up the way revenants do. And Galvatron *she pronounces the name with obvious reverence* is the one who came to lead us.
Wingblade: *nestle close* Then how come he seems so solid? *notices Steadfast's tone of voice* Is he better than Megatron, Mama?
Steadfast: Depends on which Starscream you speak of... and - *doesn't want to insult either Megatron's memory nor Galvatron* In some ways, maybe. And in some ways, he's just different. And in a way, they're the same, but different.
Wingblade: *tucks herself in close, getting tired from the emotional outburst*
Steadfast: *holds Wingblade, if not as frantically tight as before, intending to allow her to rest in her arms*
Wingblade: *slips into recharge*
Steadfast: *keeps watching over her, feeling rather drained herself in a way that isn't physical*
Wingblade: *recharging quietly*
Steadfast: *watches over her, quiet and thoughtful*
Wingblade: *rechargerechargerecharge*
Steadfast: *remains with her, eventually allowing herself to drift off herself, thinking it prudent to recharge as to gain new strength for the next round of being there for Wingblade*
Wingblade: *nestles close in her recharge, practically clinging to Steadfast*
Steadfast: *still protectively wrapped around Wingblade while recharging*
Wingblade: *starts to slowly come out of recharge, stirring, clinging*
Steadfast: *immediately wakes as well, as if attuned to her, stirring* How do you feel, Wingblade? *the tone is one of calm enquiry*
Wingblade: *quiet* Do I gotta answer, Mama?
Steadfast: You're not required to. But if you are capable of doing so, I would appreciate if you did, because I care.
Wingblade: *nestles close* Don't feel good, Mama.
Steadfast: *touches Wingblade tenderly* I know. - *after a thoughtful pause, quietly* There is something I may owe you an apology for. I'm now wondering whether I was doing right in keeping you ignorant about what would happen. But - I thought it would be bad enough for you to feel the pain you're now feeling. I didn't want you to feel it and the pain of waiting for that pain, knowing it would come. *like she had know that those things would come for Wingblade...*
Wingblade: *trembles* You knew, Mama?
Steadfast: I knew, because for me, those things had already happened. I knew of Unicron. I had grieved for the ones that, in your universe, were your parents. I kept all this from you as to not burden you.
Wingblade: *still trembling, unable to process that she'd been lied to by family*
Steadfast: *has a very good guess as to what Wingblade must be feeling and thinking now* *very quietly* I'm sorry.
Wingblade: *starts to curl up on herself, shuddering and crying quietly*
Steadfast: *barely daring to touch Wingblade at all, looking at her with an empty stare*
Wingblade: Why, Mama? Why?
Steadfast: *pained* Because I wanted to protect you at all cost. Because I didn't know any better, not that it excuses my decision. I did the best I could think of and it wasn't enough. I'm sorry.
Wingblade: *makes a choked noise, torn between throwing herself at Steadfast and clinging to her like a lifeline and yelling and throwing things at her*
Steadfast: *just quietly is there, not backing away from Wingblade*
Wingblade: *trembles* Mama? Is there anything else you've been keeping from me?
Steadfast: No.
Wingblade: *makes a quiet, strained noise, then throws herself at Steadfast, clinging to her as tightly as she could*
Steadfast: *holds her, all her love in that gesture*
Wingblade: *shudders and gasps, clinging tightly*
Steadfast: *doesn't stop holding her, her embrace both fierce and tentative, as if Wingblade was a fragile item that could be broken by one wrong move*
Wingblade: *clings to her tightly, shuddering, near-sobbing*
Steadfast: *rubs what parts of Wingblade's back she can reach soothingly*
Wingblade: *eventually goes quiet, low on power, though not as low as she had been that one time before*
Steadfast: *gently caresses her, and then very carefully lets go of her so that she can get up and get energon for them*
Wingblade: *curls up on Steadfast's berth, watching her*
Steadfast: *comes back with the energon, settling next to Wingblade and handing her a cube* Drink.
Wingblade: *drinks obediently, curling up on Steadfast's lap*
Steadfast: *allows her to curl like that, sipping from her own cube*
Wingblade: *when she's done, curls up, quiet*
Steadfast: *wraps her arms around Wingblade, and just sits with her*
Wingblade: *is quiet, still reeling*
Steadfast: *knows and respects that, not demanding anything from Wingblade right now, just letting her remain there*
Wingblade: *remains there, very still, almost as if she's in recharge, but she's not*
Steadfast: *is quiet, just being there*
Wingblade: *drifts, quiet*
Steadfast: *touches Wingblade with the back of her hand, not moving otherwise, her expression tender, and perhaps tired, though the tiredness isn't physical*
Wingblade: *stirs a little bit, trying to press into the touch*
Steadfast: *caresses Wingblade, her touch still light*
Wingblade: *seems to crave the touch, pressing closer*
Steadfast: *increases the pressure with with she's stroking Wingblade a little in response, and gazes at her with calm maternal optics*
Wingblade: *makes a soft noise. It's not the purr she would have made before, but it's not unhappy either*
Steadfast: *under the circumstances, is ready to thank any applicable deity for even that much*
Wingblade: *nestles close to Steadfast*
Steadfast: *holds Wingblade close, sighing softly*
Wingblade: *murmurs softly* Mama...
Steadfast: *caresses her, speaking softly* Yes, I'm here. I'll be with you as long as there's life in me. *kisses the top of Wingblade's helmet*
Wingblade: *twists so that she can wrap her arms around Steadfast, hanging onto her tightly*
Steadfast: *wraps her own arms around her in turn, rubbing what she can reach of Wingblade's back*
Wingblade: *just holds her as tightly as she can*
Steadfast: *has no intention at all to remove herself from that hold, rubbing Wingblade and making soothing noises, nearly cooing*
Wingblade: *quietly, pained voice* I want Daddy an' Fathy here...
Steadfast: *her face tightens ever so subtly with held-back pain - the thing Wingblade asked for is the one thing she can't give her*
Wingblade: *and she knows Steadfast can't give it to her, and so clings to Steadfast as tightly as she can*
Steadfast: *holds her, her own throat tightening with emotion... finally manage to force out some words that she can only hope won't ring hollow* They are here. In here. *takes a hand away from where it was and slides it between them to put it on Wingblade's chest, over the location of her spark* You were made from both of them. All the good qualities that there were in Skywarp... and in Thundercracker... *she pauses after each name for emphasis* You were made from that stuff.
Wingblade: *makes a choked noise, trembling* It's not the same, Mama. It's not the same...
Steadfast: *touches her as if her hands could give Wingblade a hold on sanity* I know. I know it every day. All I can give you is me... please, darling, please...
Wingblade: *clings tightly, shaking and making quiet unhappy noises*
Steadfast: *holds her almost frantically tight, if still careful not to hurt her, rocking her and making soothing noises... at least she tries to make them sound soothing - she's pretty shaky*
Wingblade: *is close to starting to sob again*
Steadfast: No, don't... don't... *rubs her*
Wingblade: *shudders, trying to keep herself together, but it's only working just barely*
Steadfast: *notices, and with a sigh, tries a different approach, implicitly giving Wingblade permissing to cry by holding her close and saying - * It's alright. It's alright. No one here to see but us.
Wingblade: *shudders* But...but... gotta be strong...
Steadfast: *doesn't want to discourage that attitude in Wingblade, but under the circumstances* I know. But sometimes... sometimes even the strong get broken. And then all we can be - what we have to be - is strong sets of broken pieces. *rubs Wingblade's chest*
Wingblade: *starts to sob again, clinging to Steadfast with all she's got*
Steadfast: *holds Wingblade, rubbing her soothingly as she patiently waits for her to finish crying herself out*
Wingblade: *sobs, clinging*
Steadfast: *still holding her, cradling her, like a big trough to catch all of Wingblade's pain*
Wingblade: *sobs for a long time before starting to quiet, still clinging to Steadfast with all she's got*
Steadfast: *still holding her when she goes quiet*
Wingblade: *just clings, trembling*
Steadfast: *holds her, very gently stroking her to soothe her tremors*
Wingblade: *the air cycling through her systems hitches a bit, but she doesn't starts sobbing again* *quietly* Don't know what to do without them, Mama...
Steadfast: I know. But I'll try - no, I'll do my best to show you. To guide you. I can't be them, much as they were once... *she breaks off, her own voice hitching* ...but I can be your Mama.
Wingblade: *clings with all her strength* *very quietly* I was s'possed to join them after I got out of the Academy. They said if I made sure to do really really good at the Academy, they'd set it up so I'd get assigned to the same place as them.
Steadfast: *dims her optics for a moment, holding back pain, not replying in words but quietly holding Wingblade*
Wingblade: *just clings to Steadfast as if she's her last lifeline*
Steadfast: *holds Wingblade just as fiercely, as if to offer that lifeline* You would have done them proud... I'm sure of it.
Wingblade: *her voice hitching* N-now I can't d-do that...
Steadfast: But you can still strive to be the best you can be. Like you would have done... like you did when they were there.
Wingblade: B-but there's nothing for me to do... *it's obvious that being assigned with her parents is the only possible future she expected, or even thought about*
Steadfast: We will find something for you to do.
Wingblade: Even though I didn't finish at the Academy?
Steadfast: We... someone can teach you what you need as you go.
Wingblade: 'Kay. *nestles close*
Steadfast: *holds her, glad that she's content with her answers for the moment*
Wingblade: *is still holding Steadfast tight, but isn't clinging as much*
Steadfast: *notices, taking it as a good sign, and keeps holding her for as long as she needs*
((Aaaaaaaaand that's the end, as we discontinued when the actual LJ RP version started.))