A Story, and Two Questions
So this morning, I am running approximately eight minutes late. On Monday mornings, I seem to have trouble, first, getting out of bed and, then, getting out of the shower. Let's not analyze that.
So I'm running approximately eight minutes late and I'm in the kitchen making a sandwich for lunch, which I do every single weekday. (I'm just saying that this is a normal occurrence with which I am ridiculously familiar.) I opened a new jar of peanut butter (having used the last one up making ginormous ants on a log of DOOM last night; shut up) and threw away the peanut-butter-safety-seal thinger, and as I was walking to the counter to put peanut butter on my sandwich, I noticed that I had a bit of red squishy stuff on my thumb. So I'm looking at it, wondering if maybe it's jam, which is already on my six-year-old approved sandwich. I try to wipe off the red squishy stuff, only to discover THAT IT IS ATTACHED TO MY THUMB BECAUSE IT IS SKIN AND THE RED STUFF WAS BLOOD AND I SWEAR THAT I DID NOT CUT IT WITH A BUTTER KNIFE. (I have to say that last part because my roommate is regularly freaked-the-fuck out because I lick knives. Let me rephrase, pervs: I lick things like butter, jam and cream cheese off knives. But never, ever peanut butter, which causes endless dishwashing consternation.) I can only assume that I have the peanut-butter-safety-seal version of a paper cut. BUT IT IS GINORMOUS. ALSO I AM WEARING A BLUEBERRY MUFFIN BANDAID, WHICH THE PEOPLE AT WORK THINK IS RETARDED, BUT I HAVE STRAWBERRY SHORTCAKE BANDAIDS, OKAY, BITCHES?
Hmph.
Anyway.
1) I am going to Yellowstone and Grand Teton this year. What should I do?
2) I am about to buy books. What should I buy?
So I'm running approximately eight minutes late and I'm in the kitchen making a sandwich for lunch, which I do every single weekday. (I'm just saying that this is a normal occurrence with which I am ridiculously familiar.) I opened a new jar of peanut butter (having used the last one up making ginormous ants on a log of DOOM last night; shut up) and threw away the peanut-butter-safety-seal thinger, and as I was walking to the counter to put peanut butter on my sandwich, I noticed that I had a bit of red squishy stuff on my thumb. So I'm looking at it, wondering if maybe it's jam, which is already on my six-year-old approved sandwich. I try to wipe off the red squishy stuff, only to discover THAT IT IS ATTACHED TO MY THUMB BECAUSE IT IS SKIN AND THE RED STUFF WAS BLOOD AND I SWEAR THAT I DID NOT CUT IT WITH A BUTTER KNIFE. (I have to say that last part because my roommate is regularly freaked-the-fuck out because I lick knives. Let me rephrase, pervs: I lick things like butter, jam and cream cheese off knives. But never, ever peanut butter, which causes endless dishwashing consternation.) I can only assume that I have the peanut-butter-safety-seal version of a paper cut. BUT IT IS GINORMOUS. ALSO I AM WEARING A BLUEBERRY MUFFIN BANDAID, WHICH THE PEOPLE AT WORK THINK IS RETARDED, BUT I HAVE STRAWBERRY SHORTCAKE BANDAIDS, OKAY, BITCHES?
Hmph.
Anyway.
1) I am going to Yellowstone and Grand Teton this year. What should I do?
2) I am about to buy books. What should I buy?