Let the good times roll.
Gawd! There's no amount of typing that could possibly put adequate detail on the years that have passed by since my last entry. I suppose summary is my only option...sorry for all of you that miss out without being first-hand witnesses.
Year 2005:
I begin dating Seth in the beginning of December in the midst of extreme conflict among the majority commencing between my group of friends. The group splits off into 3 halves: Myself and a few on one, several on the other, and one or two caught in the middle.
Year 2006:
The insitgators of most of the friend conflict move off into different parts of the state or completely out of it. I live a quiet life with Seth and Rebecca, one of my best friends. We move out together and live on our own for a grand total of 4 months before utter chaos disrupts our peaceful exsistence and sends Rebecca off to another state with her new fiance. Marlena and I make ammends with one another (a common thing in our back and forth relationship) and Seth moves with me back home. My grades faulter as a result of the prior chaos and I loose my scholarship. The debt of loans soon loom over me.
Year 2007:
Still my grades aren't good enough to make up for my previous fuckup and I take out more and more loans. Seth, Marlena, and I decide to move out together with high hopes in the face of our thus far compatable friendship. It isn't meant to be. Through unmentioned conflict and an extreme blow out Seth and I move back to my house for a brief time. We're determined to follow our friends, Derek and Baker, to MTSU and leave our hometown and all of its hangups behind. Seth asks if I'll marry him on Christmas day and he's so scared that he has to ask me with my back turned to him. I say yes.
Marshall Dillon, my child and best friend, finds himself on the losing end of a tracheal disorder. He passes away on September 19, 2007. I was, and still am, lost without him. Whenever I wake from a dream where he's alive and happy I can't help but cry. I miss him more and more with each passing day.
On September 29, 2007 my neighbors inform me that their unwanted dog, Star, has just given birth to a litter of 6 puppies. She's starved and bound outside by a heavy chain and I'm her only real link to life. Before this I'd had no idea she was pregnant due to her gaunt frame. I decide that it is my duty to protect these puppies and take them in for what I assume was going to be a daunting (and fruitless) task. I couldn't have unerestimated the task any more. By the time I resuce them a few hours later she's eaten one in light of her hunger. I take the rest and commence a sudden dive into motherhood. It's a hard, unforgiving responsiblity and I start off knowing for certain that despite by best intentions I am not qualified to raise a litter without the mother and know that I won't be able to save any of them.
I didn't lose a single one. They all lived. I witnessed them grow by my own hand. Their life, and all things encompassing their life, flickered and flourish by my own doing. I love them. And the pain of loosing Dillon fades a bit the more I stay by their side. Star passes away shortly after their birth from disease and malnourishment. I feed them, bathe them, warm them, stimulate them, and watch them 24/7. These are the children I swore up and down that I would never have...because I'm still a selfish teen. And yet looking past all the nights I broke down and cried because what I was doing was too hard I stayed true to my word and kept each one of them alive. The entire litter (Cally, Sunshine, Cola, Blue, and Bear) was medicated and raised by my own hard-earned cash and then given away to loving homes for free. My mother has one, Cally, and I kept another, Sunshine. Sunshine still suckles on my robe despite being almost 5 months old now. I am her Mother. And I'm damn proud of it.
Year 2008:
Seth and I have officially put our homes behind us and are currently living in a brand new town where we know few people. Kortni is following me up here soon as she too is sick of her life and considers me one of her few friends left. Marlena and I aren't speaking...she didn't even know I was engaged until a few weeks after.
So it's been a long time of turmoil and hardship. I've gained and lost friends in ways I never thought possible. The lure of booze and drugs has missed me somehow...I hardly fit into the image of "average teen". I haven't touched alcohol in 6 months and have made no future plans of doing so (though I doubt I'll go forever without it). My opinion of pot consists of absolute disdain; the stuff is rubbish and not worth my time. Nor are those who actively pursue it's effects. It's ruined far too much around me to hold any sort of appeal.
And here I stand...bravely facing a strange world without my family nearby. And I'm terrified. But you know what? I'm happy as well. I hope the rest of you are doing well.
Year 2005:
I begin dating Seth in the beginning of December in the midst of extreme conflict among the majority commencing between my group of friends. The group splits off into 3 halves: Myself and a few on one, several on the other, and one or two caught in the middle.
Year 2006:
The insitgators of most of the friend conflict move off into different parts of the state or completely out of it. I live a quiet life with Seth and Rebecca, one of my best friends. We move out together and live on our own for a grand total of 4 months before utter chaos disrupts our peaceful exsistence and sends Rebecca off to another state with her new fiance. Marlena and I make ammends with one another (a common thing in our back and forth relationship) and Seth moves with me back home. My grades faulter as a result of the prior chaos and I loose my scholarship. The debt of loans soon loom over me.
Year 2007:
Still my grades aren't good enough to make up for my previous fuckup and I take out more and more loans. Seth, Marlena, and I decide to move out together with high hopes in the face of our thus far compatable friendship. It isn't meant to be. Through unmentioned conflict and an extreme blow out Seth and I move back to my house for a brief time. We're determined to follow our friends, Derek and Baker, to MTSU and leave our hometown and all of its hangups behind. Seth asks if I'll marry him on Christmas day and he's so scared that he has to ask me with my back turned to him. I say yes.
Marshall Dillon, my child and best friend, finds himself on the losing end of a tracheal disorder. He passes away on September 19, 2007. I was, and still am, lost without him. Whenever I wake from a dream where he's alive and happy I can't help but cry. I miss him more and more with each passing day.
On September 29, 2007 my neighbors inform me that their unwanted dog, Star, has just given birth to a litter of 6 puppies. She's starved and bound outside by a heavy chain and I'm her only real link to life. Before this I'd had no idea she was pregnant due to her gaunt frame. I decide that it is my duty to protect these puppies and take them in for what I assume was going to be a daunting (and fruitless) task. I couldn't have unerestimated the task any more. By the time I resuce them a few hours later she's eaten one in light of her hunger. I take the rest and commence a sudden dive into motherhood. It's a hard, unforgiving responsiblity and I start off knowing for certain that despite by best intentions I am not qualified to raise a litter without the mother and know that I won't be able to save any of them.
I didn't lose a single one. They all lived. I witnessed them grow by my own hand. Their life, and all things encompassing their life, flickered and flourish by my own doing. I love them. And the pain of loosing Dillon fades a bit the more I stay by their side. Star passes away shortly after their birth from disease and malnourishment. I feed them, bathe them, warm them, stimulate them, and watch them 24/7. These are the children I swore up and down that I would never have...because I'm still a selfish teen. And yet looking past all the nights I broke down and cried because what I was doing was too hard I stayed true to my word and kept each one of them alive. The entire litter (Cally, Sunshine, Cola, Blue, and Bear) was medicated and raised by my own hard-earned cash and then given away to loving homes for free. My mother has one, Cally, and I kept another, Sunshine. Sunshine still suckles on my robe despite being almost 5 months old now. I am her Mother. And I'm damn proud of it.
Year 2008:
Seth and I have officially put our homes behind us and are currently living in a brand new town where we know few people. Kortni is following me up here soon as she too is sick of her life and considers me one of her few friends left. Marlena and I aren't speaking...she didn't even know I was engaged until a few weeks after.
So it's been a long time of turmoil and hardship. I've gained and lost friends in ways I never thought possible. The lure of booze and drugs has missed me somehow...I hardly fit into the image of "average teen". I haven't touched alcohol in 6 months and have made no future plans of doing so (though I doubt I'll go forever without it). My opinion of pot consists of absolute disdain; the stuff is rubbish and not worth my time. Nor are those who actively pursue it's effects. It's ruined far too much around me to hold any sort of appeal.
And here I stand...bravely facing a strange world without my family nearby. And I'm terrified. But you know what? I'm happy as well. I hope the rest of you are doing well.