Realizing something..
Listening to Austin DeLone's awesome version of Dylan's Visions of Johanna. Sitting downstairs on the futon, eating a tuna sandwich (tuna, mayonnaise, onion powder, garlic powder all mixed up, then put between bread slices with ranch dressing spread on them), drinking a glass of Coke, and wondering about this new feeling. Not wondering exactly, because wondering and wonderment are not exactly the same feeling. I'm sitting here in wonderment.
I forgive you. I've never said that before. At least not regarding the person/people I'm thinking about. It sounds so unfamiliar. I forgive you. I've said those words before to people, or in a prayer to God I've said "I forgive" and name someone. But today, today those words seem new and full of a meaning I've never realized.
It seems like such an obvious thing, so stupid that I never saw it. But that's how it works I guess. We're here to learn something. Maybe we're each here to learn something different. Something that may be obvious to others but you haven't seen yet. I think that's what Richard Bach's Illusions: the Adventures of a Reluctant Messiah was about. Richard says something offhand, something he wasn't even really thinking about, and that changes everything for Donald. It was obvious, but Donald hadn't seen it. And suddenly, the entire Universe has changed for Donald, and he realizes it's his time to go.
We all deal with our own problems. We have our own realities and there are other people in them, family members, friends, significant others, pets.. But the thing is, they have their own realities too, and we are guests in their realities just as they are guests in our own. And that's the thing. Everybody has their own stuff to deal with. And they may not know what you're dealing with. It's obvious to you, but may not be so to other people. Sometimes you have to tell them what is going on with you. Sometimes you don't, because they're so close to you that they can see it right in front of them. But sometimes they're dealing with their own things and don't know anything is going on with you, or how bad what's going on with you really is. I know, this sounds really obvious and simple but bear with me.
For years I held what happened to me while I was depressed as a kid against my family. It was so huge, so dark, I was sure I was never going to survive it. They could have helped. They could have done something. They were dealing with their own things. My dad had MS to deal with. That was pretty huge. That's why we left Africa. He had to give up his job because of it. They all had their own realities to deal with.
I forgive you. The thing is, I shouldn't even have to say that, because I never should have held anything against you in the first place. You didn't know how bad I was. You had your own stuff that was likely worse than I knew at the time. I'm sorry. I never should have held anything against you in the first place.
I forgive you. I've never said that before. At least not regarding the person/people I'm thinking about. It sounds so unfamiliar. I forgive you. I've said those words before to people, or in a prayer to God I've said "I forgive" and name someone. But today, today those words seem new and full of a meaning I've never realized.
It seems like such an obvious thing, so stupid that I never saw it. But that's how it works I guess. We're here to learn something. Maybe we're each here to learn something different. Something that may be obvious to others but you haven't seen yet. I think that's what Richard Bach's Illusions: the Adventures of a Reluctant Messiah was about. Richard says something offhand, something he wasn't even really thinking about, and that changes everything for Donald. It was obvious, but Donald hadn't seen it. And suddenly, the entire Universe has changed for Donald, and he realizes it's his time to go.
We all deal with our own problems. We have our own realities and there are other people in them, family members, friends, significant others, pets.. But the thing is, they have their own realities too, and we are guests in their realities just as they are guests in our own. And that's the thing. Everybody has their own stuff to deal with. And they may not know what you're dealing with. It's obvious to you, but may not be so to other people. Sometimes you have to tell them what is going on with you. Sometimes you don't, because they're so close to you that they can see it right in front of them. But sometimes they're dealing with their own things and don't know anything is going on with you, or how bad what's going on with you really is. I know, this sounds really obvious and simple but bear with me.
For years I held what happened to me while I was depressed as a kid against my family. It was so huge, so dark, I was sure I was never going to survive it. They could have helped. They could have done something. They were dealing with their own things. My dad had MS to deal with. That was pretty huge. That's why we left Africa. He had to give up his job because of it. They all had their own realities to deal with.
I forgive you. The thing is, I shouldn't even have to say that, because I never should have held anything against you in the first place. You didn't know how bad I was. You had your own stuff that was likely worse than I knew at the time. I'm sorry. I never should have held anything against you in the first place.