it's been awhile
it's a chilly kind of 'steal your boyfriend's hoody and switch on the electric blanket' kind of weather. cold cold.
thinking abouit how change happens so slowly that you dont even notice it. and we dont notice it because we have so much other stuff on our minds up until we notice the change. like when you think about it, there are just such a hugely insane number of things and thoughts to have in the world. and to think about each and every thing would take probably years. as much time as it has taken to have all the thoughts prior. so you can go weeks not thinking of sundried tomatoes. and then one day they might be on a plate in front of you and you eat them. and you discover that prior to your firm opinion before this date, you actually like sundried tomatos. and that is a change that has happened since the last time you thought or tatsed or experienced sundried tomatoes. and certain things have happened between those two dates top make you decide to try them again, and then to like them, but that change was so gradual and came about by so many other thoughts and factors that you wouldn't be able to pinpoint a date or thought or anything really. it's surprising. and seems like an evolution.
well that seems to be what happens to me anyway.
the power to change people's thoughts or make them think about something in a new way is a complete gift. i wonder if you can attain it by effort.
i've been doing well. oolong tea and fruit, feeling very clear minded and in control. liking it. talking to the girls lots on twitter, trying not to buy too many things when i have to pay dentist and court fines and things, but still shopping spontaneously, buying expensive clothes and shoes for a life i'll probably never live. sometimes i feel like i place so much focus on material, shallow things because that's the only way i can attain a semblance of normality, and otherwise i feel too peculiar and out of place and seperate from everyone else. i derno.
anyway. i'm thinking that confirmation of an illness or disorder can possibly only worsen the condition. that's dumb but i don't know. ignorance is so much better, to me, in all instances. like if someone never found out they had cancer, would they still die from it? what if you think you're fine until someone tells you you're definitely not. do you start feeling not fine all the time? and if someone tells you you possess certain negative attributes that you never considered anymore, do you start seeing them everywhere?
i don't like seeing a psychologist. but whenever i see family moments or pro-father things on tv, i start crying before my brain has even processed what i'm seeing. maybe there's something in that.
or maybe psychologists get rich on diagnosing bored hypochondriacs.
whateeeevs
sick.of.it.
thinking abouit how change happens so slowly that you dont even notice it. and we dont notice it because we have so much other stuff on our minds up until we notice the change. like when you think about it, there are just such a hugely insane number of things and thoughts to have in the world. and to think about each and every thing would take probably years. as much time as it has taken to have all the thoughts prior. so you can go weeks not thinking of sundried tomatoes. and then one day they might be on a plate in front of you and you eat them. and you discover that prior to your firm opinion before this date, you actually like sundried tomatos. and that is a change that has happened since the last time you thought or tatsed or experienced sundried tomatoes. and certain things have happened between those two dates top make you decide to try them again, and then to like them, but that change was so gradual and came about by so many other thoughts and factors that you wouldn't be able to pinpoint a date or thought or anything really. it's surprising. and seems like an evolution.
well that seems to be what happens to me anyway.
the power to change people's thoughts or make them think about something in a new way is a complete gift. i wonder if you can attain it by effort.
i've been doing well. oolong tea and fruit, feeling very clear minded and in control. liking it. talking to the girls lots on twitter, trying not to buy too many things when i have to pay dentist and court fines and things, but still shopping spontaneously, buying expensive clothes and shoes for a life i'll probably never live. sometimes i feel like i place so much focus on material, shallow things because that's the only way i can attain a semblance of normality, and otherwise i feel too peculiar and out of place and seperate from everyone else. i derno.
anyway. i'm thinking that confirmation of an illness or disorder can possibly only worsen the condition. that's dumb but i don't know. ignorance is so much better, to me, in all instances. like if someone never found out they had cancer, would they still die from it? what if you think you're fine until someone tells you you're definitely not. do you start feeling not fine all the time? and if someone tells you you possess certain negative attributes that you never considered anymore, do you start seeing them everywhere?
i don't like seeing a psychologist. but whenever i see family moments or pro-father things on tv, i start crying before my brain has even processed what i'm seeing. maybe there's something in that.
or maybe psychologists get rich on diagnosing bored hypochondriacs.
whateeeevs
sick.of.it.