with her heart heavy still
sometimes i feel like i have to record my thoughts, because otherwise i won't remember having them, and they all feel too important to forget.
i love music, but it's really hard to appreciate it within it's context, which is what you're supposed to do with it i guess. like rock n roll, was so innovative for it's time, all of it really, but it's hard to know how to replicate the oppressive conditions that those musicians experienced firsthand which made them create that style. but i really admire musicians because everything they do, everything they write, is all firsthand experience. it must be an amazing feeling to put that stuff out there, and have people be receptive to it. receptive to your thoughts and feelings. i guess livejournal is like that, on a smaller scale. it would be awesome to write songs, except i have absolutely no knowledge or experience with music apart from admiring it.
i really admire catherine because she continues to have faith in me even after the massloads of shit that went down. it takes a special person to have that much forgiveness. i need to sort my shit out, but i hope that once i do, we will be good friends again.
soooooooooooooo yeah.
phil owen came over last night, slept over. he is great fun but i deeply resent him for assuming i will have sex with him after i havent seen him in like four five months. what a douche. i have way more respect for myself [now] than that. but he handled it well i guess. i guess i don't actually articulate my thoughts very well in real life. there's a lyric somewhere about someone's mouth moving faster than their mind and their mouth and thoughts don't connect. i think it's regina spektor but it escapes me. but that is how i feel. anyway parents are home so i need to put some pants back on.
whatever gets you through the night, it's alright.