you make me want to CROCHET!
casey is still asleep, and i need to wake him up, but before i do so i thought it would be a good idea to do an entry. seeing as how i haven't done one in oh, a year. something close to that.
yes, i've been listening to julie ruin, and i've actually been crocheting. i finally learned how and i'm in the process of making a wish-me dog blanket with jacked up sides because i didn't count stitches. i'm thinking of abandoning it and starting a new project but i've done so much on the faux dog blanket that i feel like if i don't finish it's been a waste of time. my mom suggested that i unravel it and start over, like she did when she was learning. i'm like, no thanks. i need some kind of tangible evidence that i've been doing SOMETHING productive for the past week, so if anyone asks i can be like "yeah, i'm almost done with this blanket", not disclosing the poor quality of said blanket.
payday is today, and i promptly paid my obligatory LJ paid journal fee, as well as my sleazyboard "ezsupporter" thing. all because i love customization. if i can make everything pink, i'm happy. when i wake up sleeping beauty, i'm hoping we can hurry up and get out of here because i finally have cash, and god damn it i'm going to find some way to spend it. preferably on something i don't need at all. hello kitty bath mats? completely unnecessary! sold.
i'll insert a quick blurb about how shitty i've been feeling of late, but that's it. i swear to god, i am so tired of writing about my wrestling with mental illness. i just do not want to be known as "that girl who writes about being crazy all the time". i feel like that's what i'm turning into. anyway, yes, i have been depressed and anxious and thinking about people dying and death and various other morbid topics. my meds are getting tinkered with, so hopefully some day soon i'll catch a break and the goblins in my head will vacate. i'm just trying to keep busy and push the suicidal thoughts out of my head, which is so stupid because the only reason i have suicidal thoughts is because i'm tired of constantly thinking about dying. i'm like the conductor of the irony train. or maybe the caboose. i always thought cabooses were cool when i was a kid. why, i have no idea.
so, i'm going off SSRIs hoping that it will help my creativity block. i've been trying to write more. i'm thinking of writing like a one woman play or some spoken word crap but i don't know how long that will last. i'm also dying to be published in bitch and trying to think of subjects that i can write like 5 pages of crap on. my mind seems to be slowly clearing up some, which i'm taking as a sign that the diminished level of effexor is helping. i'm really perfectionistic, and i feel like if i can't write something perfect in the first draft, then i shouldn't write it at all. that attitude is totally not helping me at all. i mean, i've done that with term papers and other related writing projects, but term papers are easy since they require little creativity. i need to get used to the idea of editing.
alright, it's almost noon. time to wake up rip van winkle and get the hell out of dodge.
yes, i've been listening to julie ruin, and i've actually been crocheting. i finally learned how and i'm in the process of making a wish-me dog blanket with jacked up sides because i didn't count stitches. i'm thinking of abandoning it and starting a new project but i've done so much on the faux dog blanket that i feel like if i don't finish it's been a waste of time. my mom suggested that i unravel it and start over, like she did when she was learning. i'm like, no thanks. i need some kind of tangible evidence that i've been doing SOMETHING productive for the past week, so if anyone asks i can be like "yeah, i'm almost done with this blanket", not disclosing the poor quality of said blanket.
payday is today, and i promptly paid my obligatory LJ paid journal fee, as well as my sleazyboard "ezsupporter" thing. all because i love customization. if i can make everything pink, i'm happy. when i wake up sleeping beauty, i'm hoping we can hurry up and get out of here because i finally have cash, and god damn it i'm going to find some way to spend it. preferably on something i don't need at all. hello kitty bath mats? completely unnecessary! sold.
i'll insert a quick blurb about how shitty i've been feeling of late, but that's it. i swear to god, i am so tired of writing about my wrestling with mental illness. i just do not want to be known as "that girl who writes about being crazy all the time". i feel like that's what i'm turning into. anyway, yes, i have been depressed and anxious and thinking about people dying and death and various other morbid topics. my meds are getting tinkered with, so hopefully some day soon i'll catch a break and the goblins in my head will vacate. i'm just trying to keep busy and push the suicidal thoughts out of my head, which is so stupid because the only reason i have suicidal thoughts is because i'm tired of constantly thinking about dying. i'm like the conductor of the irony train. or maybe the caboose. i always thought cabooses were cool when i was a kid. why, i have no idea.
so, i'm going off SSRIs hoping that it will help my creativity block. i've been trying to write more. i'm thinking of writing like a one woman play or some spoken word crap but i don't know how long that will last. i'm also dying to be published in bitch and trying to think of subjects that i can write like 5 pages of crap on. my mind seems to be slowly clearing up some, which i'm taking as a sign that the diminished level of effexor is helping. i'm really perfectionistic, and i feel like if i can't write something perfect in the first draft, then i shouldn't write it at all. that attitude is totally not helping me at all. i mean, i've done that with term papers and other related writing projects, but term papers are easy since they require little creativity. i need to get used to the idea of editing.
alright, it's almost noon. time to wake up rip van winkle and get the hell out of dodge.