(no subject)
i think i figured out why i'm having such trouble writing. when i wrote before, i was usually depressed, or in any number of other negative states. my writing was my outlet for all that pain. and now, i've been pretty much stable for a long time. it's weird for me, because for almost 10 years i've been battling my illnesses, so i don't really know how to handle NOT being tortured by their symptoms. sure, i still have a lot of moments where i feel something negative and i have to fight to keep myself from going back to that place. but overall, i'm doing well.
so my theory is that i don't know how to express my positive feelings. i've never written about happiness or joy or beauty or whatever else that i'm able to experience now. i come up blank. and instead of trying to adapt, i'm lamenting the loss of my creative outlet as i used to know it. i'm sitting around waiting for that flood of emotions that compells me to write, but i'm not recognizing that the emotions aren't coming to me in the same form. that's my theory.
now, i'm not sure what to do about it. i suppose it's kind of like re-learning how to write. maybe i should just practice, and not expect it to come really easy like it used to. i mean, i'm sure i'll reach the level i was at, but it'll take time... and i'm so impatient.
breakfast beckons.
so my theory is that i don't know how to express my positive feelings. i've never written about happiness or joy or beauty or whatever else that i'm able to experience now. i come up blank. and instead of trying to adapt, i'm lamenting the loss of my creative outlet as i used to know it. i'm sitting around waiting for that flood of emotions that compells me to write, but i'm not recognizing that the emotions aren't coming to me in the same form. that's my theory.
now, i'm not sure what to do about it. i suppose it's kind of like re-learning how to write. maybe i should just practice, and not expect it to come really easy like it used to. i mean, i'm sure i'll reach the level i was at, but it'll take time... and i'm so impatient.
breakfast beckons.