Multimedia Mother Memories
It's amazing how grief sneaks up on you at the strangest times. I was turning off the lights in the living room to get ready for bed, and a picture of my Mom and I on the mantle, taken exactly two weeks before she died, caught my eye.
I started crying and couldn't stop.
***
My parents' 36th wedding anniversary had been on April 17. On April 28, my mom's four sisters chartered a limousine for the family as a surprise. They told my Dad and I in advance 1) to make sure it was okay they did that, and 2) in case my Mom wasn't feeling up to going out of the house (she was pretty tired at that point ... I remember it took her two hours to do her makeup and hair that day).
Before the limo arrived, we closed the front drapes in the living room so my Mom wouldn't see it coming around the corner. Once it got there, we brought her outside and was she surprised. We all jumped in the limo and it took us downtown for lunch, and then we drove to the art museum and took a bunch of pictures.
She was exhausted at the end of the day, but we're all so glad we did it, because who could have guessed that two weeks later she would be dead?
My cousin Brittany, who is a whiz on the computer, put some of the pictures to music and made a DVD for everyone. She brought it over the week after the outing and showed it to us. We all cried through the whole thing, but it was such a wonderful memory that she made for us.
***
Brittany happened to have the DVD with her at the hospital a day or so before my mom died. My aunts brought it into the family room at the hospice and popped it into the DVD player there. About 10 seconds in I was crying so hard I had to leave the room, and Brittany felt pretty badly that she had upset me, but it wasn't her fault. My mom was only sick for nine weeks; I think we all had our heads in the sand about how sick she was, and didn't have time to really process what was happening until the very end.
***
Someone -- I don't remember who -- asked about playing the DVD at the funeral home. My Dad and I agreed and told the funeral director, in the same breath mentioning that we hadn't been able to bring ourselves to watch it since the first time it was shown to us.
When we got to the funeral home, the director told us he repositioned the flat screen TV at the back of the visitation room so my Dad and I wouldn't have to see it from our vantage point at the front of the room. To this day that still is the thing that most impressed me about the whole experience, how he listened not just to what we said, but what we didn't say.
More than 200 people came to say goodbye to my mom. So even if I would have had time to leave the front of the room and mingle, I probably wouldn't have watched the video. Though I did see a lot of people watching it and there were as many smiles as there were tears, which my mom would have liked.
***
When I finally calmed down tonight after seeing the picture, I decided I should feel it all, get it all out, so I could sleep. So I pulled out the DVD, which I've not watched since shortly after my Mom died, and watched it on my computer just now. Youtube is being a little bitch so I can't upload it here right now, but for those on Facebook, it's also uploaded there. (Even if you aren't on Facebook, technically anyone can see it, so you may be able to click on the link and view it, I'm not really sure.)
If anyone does want to see it here in LJ land (and I will not be offended if you don't), let me know and I'll try again to upload it tomorrow night.
As my trainer likes to say, "Peace out, girl scouts."