Don't tell lies Albrecht Dürer.
I feel like I've spent the last two months running around and not getting anywhere in particularly, but I suppose on the upside I've survived xmas, a new/old job, and am going to see a secret Uffie gig tonight.
Emotionally/mentally I'm feeling a little fragile. I remember telling my father and Left Hand back in November that I was feeling overwhelmed and I should have listened to myself more. Maybe then December wouldn't have been so hard. Today is okay and I hope tomorrow is too. The last two months have had bad days stacked together like paperbacks. Days where I felt awful and didn't know why and so lonely/isolated it ached. I know I'm not alone - apart from some lj peeps, Left Hand suffers episodes of depression too yet it felt impossible to open my mouth and say something. I remember my father telling me to 'cheer up' and I felt so angry for him saying that, like it was that simple and so sad because whenever I'm down he gets so upset and there is nothing I hate more than making my father upset and then I feel so much worse because I feel like I can't say anything without hurting someone who cares about me and that's one of the worst things.
The new job/old job was fine for a summer thing. I had my last shift this week and I feel lighter already. I didn't plan on going back to it this year and maybe I shouldn't have given how things turned out, but then again I didn't really know where I'd be or how I'd feel at the end of this year. They asked me to come back next year but I'm hoping I'll be doing some art related instead or be somewhere else in the world. *cross my fingers*
I ended up deciding to step back from one of my volunteer positions, the one at the historic house. It was just too much to deal with these people asking me to do all this stuff then not letting me do anything at all. Additionally, at the last open day the events coordinator was just so rude to S (one of the other volunteers I'm friends with) and I - and she did it in front of my aunt, uncle and cousin who came to look at the place for my cousin's wedding.
It might not be great cv/progress wise, but I feel better stepping back. I've never been too great at looking after myself, but I'm trying and I feel lighter without the stress both places put me under.
In lighter news, I posted my bandgirlsbang, Let’s pretend that it’s summer, and at least four people read it which is one more than thought would. Also, in even better news I'm seeing Uffie tonight! My loser friends bailed on me again (for Paris, a religious retreat, work friends, a holiday in the mountains), but whatever I'm going to an Uffie gig. A secret Uffie gig - I can smell envy from a certain person already. (You know who you are). Finally, I found something awesome for you to read!
'Behind the Walls' by Anonymous. [September Issue]
Grace sees things about Anna that no one else sees.
As a general rule I view any attempt at writing Anna Wintour in the same light as writing Nick Cave: daunting and not to be undertaken unless you're crazy and/or intoxicated. But this - this is beautiful and full of so much feeling and I just loved it and even if you don't like femslash, or know who Anna Wintour or Grace Carrington are, I would recommend taking a chance on this fic. It's about two people, one who looks forward and one who looks inside herself and it is utterly amazing.
There’s so much inside of her threatening to expand, to push all of the words she doesn’t actually say out. It’s been years, and they haven’t spoken of it since the last time-not even in a stolen glance or a quick but meaningful touch like there used to be. It was all fun at first, but even then, Anna hadn’t been hers. And truth be told, she hadn’t been Anna’s either.
.
Emotionally/mentally I'm feeling a little fragile. I remember telling my father and Left Hand back in November that I was feeling overwhelmed and I should have listened to myself more. Maybe then December wouldn't have been so hard. Today is okay and I hope tomorrow is too. The last two months have had bad days stacked together like paperbacks. Days where I felt awful and didn't know why and so lonely/isolated it ached. I know I'm not alone - apart from some lj peeps, Left Hand suffers episodes of depression too yet it felt impossible to open my mouth and say something. I remember my father telling me to 'cheer up' and I felt so angry for him saying that, like it was that simple and so sad because whenever I'm down he gets so upset and there is nothing I hate more than making my father upset and then I feel so much worse because I feel like I can't say anything without hurting someone who cares about me and that's one of the worst things.
The new job/old job was fine for a summer thing. I had my last shift this week and I feel lighter already. I didn't plan on going back to it this year and maybe I shouldn't have given how things turned out, but then again I didn't really know where I'd be or how I'd feel at the end of this year. They asked me to come back next year but I'm hoping I'll be doing some art related instead or be somewhere else in the world. *cross my fingers*
I ended up deciding to step back from one of my volunteer positions, the one at the historic house. It was just too much to deal with these people asking me to do all this stuff then not letting me do anything at all. Additionally, at the last open day the events coordinator was just so rude to S (one of the other volunteers I'm friends with) and I - and she did it in front of my aunt, uncle and cousin who came to look at the place for my cousin's wedding.
It might not be great cv/progress wise, but I feel better stepping back. I've never been too great at looking after myself, but I'm trying and I feel lighter without the stress both places put me under.
In lighter news, I posted my bandgirlsbang, Let’s pretend that it’s summer, and at least four people read it which is one more than thought would. Also, in even better news I'm seeing Uffie tonight! My loser friends bailed on me again (for Paris, a religious retreat, work friends, a holiday in the mountains), but whatever I'm going to an Uffie gig. A secret Uffie gig - I can smell envy from a certain person already. (You know who you are). Finally, I found something awesome for you to read!
'Behind the Walls' by Anonymous. [September Issue]
Grace sees things about Anna that no one else sees.
As a general rule I view any attempt at writing Anna Wintour in the same light as writing Nick Cave: daunting and not to be undertaken unless you're crazy and/or intoxicated. But this - this is beautiful and full of so much feeling and I just loved it and even if you don't like femslash, or know who Anna Wintour or Grace Carrington are, I would recommend taking a chance on this fic. It's about two people, one who looks forward and one who looks inside herself and it is utterly amazing.
There’s so much inside of her threatening to expand, to push all of the words she doesn’t actually say out. It’s been years, and they haven’t spoken of it since the last time-not even in a stolen glance or a quick but meaningful touch like there used to be. It was all fun at first, but even then, Anna hadn’t been hers. And truth be told, she hadn’t been Anna’s either.
.