A Savage Post, by Krista MacPherson
I was approached yesterday by someone I have quite a bit of respect for, considering our past. I found it to be quite a hostile approach at a subject that could have been talked about in a more calm and collected matter. For those of you who know me, when I'm faced with hostility, needless to say, I give it right back. Right? I know the people who will agree with me here, don't worry. I don't need you all agreeing. It shouldn't be many people agreeing with that statement, anyway.
Anyway, call it the way I am. Actually, a lot of the things I do you could classify into that category, like my sense of humour, the way I talk and act towards people, and the fact that I am loyal and faithful to the ones I love and care about.
Back on track.
This person comes to me with hostility, claiming that I have a tendency to make everything in my life revolve around sex in some way. He claims that I "crave male attention" and that I say "sexual innuendos" and the like so that I can get male attention. I'm thinking of a few people who have known me for some time, and know that I do in fact make a lot of innuendos. But for the reason stated? Hardly. I do it because I don't even notice that I am doing it anymore.
Sometimes, when you do something for soooo long it becomes second-nature to you. Take driving for example. People who drive and have driven for a while don't really think about what they do in order to drive. The same applies to me; I don't really think about the innuendos I make. I just... make them. But for male attention? I nearly choked on the kiwi I was eating (Oh, and that's not intended to be an innuendo, btw. But guess where my mind went to first?). If people honestly believe I do this for male attention, perhaps ask some of my female friends if I do this in their presence, too. The haters will realize that, wait a second, holy eff, she does that to them, too.
Before I move on to the next point, I'm going to go straight to the final one. He told me that people classify me as a "whore" because of the way I talk to people and the modeling pictures I put up on my Deviant Art site. This kind of rang a couple bells for me. I asked him if these people who were saying things like this about me were people who knew me well. He claimed they were.
*Scratches head*
...so those people would know that the amount of people I've slept with, I can count on one hand (others at my age far exceed that. Others don't. Why is this even an issue?). They also know that through every relationship I've had, I've been faithful (even with my tendency to act flirtatious in my everyday life). These people also know how I act in person, that it doesn't deviate too far away from how I act online, actually. Yes, I flirt, and yes I make sexual innuendos (a lot. Ask Brent, who, by the way, is one of my best friends and in a committed relationship with another of my best friends, so if anyone is beginning to believe I talk to him in this way to gain "male attention" you can check yourself right now. Want another example? Darrin and Jen. Want another one? I could go all day). In fact, in person, yeah, I love attention. But I also like to be alone, and quiet too. Again, ask anyone that actually knows me.
I have to ask a question to haters: Do you know about the time when I told my mother and John about getting into modeling? Can you explain to me my mother's reaction? Can you explain to me the support I have from my significant other? No...? Hmmmmmmm.
This person also told me that he thought that it was disgusting and that it was "damn disrespectful to John." Well, as soon as he said that, I asked John a few questions:
-For my pictures, do you have a problem with me posting the artistic nude ones on my deviant art site?
A: nah, that shoul dbe okay :)
-Also, do you find I'm flirtatious to other people on say, RGCanada in my posts?
A:well, sometimes,. but I assumed that was just your personality :P
-Do you find it disrespectful at all?
A: nah, I wouldn't say that at all :)
-Does it make you upset..? =\
A: no, I don't mind, since everyone knows we're in love <3! And I'm sure if they don't you'd tell um
...a pretty recent example of the fact that I make my love for John known can be found in the "Last Supper" thread of RGCanada for those still skeptical. Still skeptical? Poke around the Winter Conference forum. STILL skeptical? ... why should I even continue to do this?
So as I battled to defend myself and my honor that is "at stake" for an hour or so, I asked him somewhere in the conversation who was saying these things. Naturally, he wouldn't tell me. Naturally, I'd do the same in his situation. So I told him to invite them to talk to me about this. I doubt he did. Maybe he did, because it seems he plays the messenger a lot with his friends, and shakes other friendships in doing so (which makes me wonder why "he" thought I was being disrespectful to John about "how I was acting" if all of this was done for people who seemed to have lost their voice... or fingers, in this case). I can honestly tell you that while I would still help him with whatever I could, my trust for him is even lower than it was before. All because some people told him they thought I was a whore and unfaithful and shit, but was too fucking CHICKENSHIT to tell me myself.
So now I'm inviting the guilty parties to speak up. Here are some guesses as to what pretenses these people have:
-None
...okay, here are some guesses as to the situation these people may fall into:
-They don't talk to me on a regular basis.
-They haven't talk to me at all.
-They think because they've spoken to me once or twice in the past, they know me 100%.
-They don't currently talk to me.
-They're biased in their reasoning for hating on me because they talk to one side of the party (him) and not the other (me).
-They haven't seen John or I together. Like... ever.
-They don't know who I am as a person at all.
-They have no idea that I don't often think of sex.
-They wouldn't believe me if I told them I don't think often of sex.
-They wouldn't believe me if I told them I actually think about my future, and all aspects of it... John, school, my future family, my dream home, my dream wedding...
-They wouldn't believe me if I told them that I think about my family all the time.
-They probably also wouldn't believe me if I told them I stay at home or at the school a lot of the time, working on schoolwork. And when I do go out, it's either to work or to eat and hang out with people who actually DO know me.
... the list could go on.
I think I would like to say this in closing: For those of you who really believe these things about me, step back and check yourself and your current situation involving me. If you are one of the haters who actually don't know anything about me, I invite you to get to know me. I'm not going to hold a bias against you, though I will be cautious to know the actual reason as to why you want all this information from me. Here's a heads up: That's part of who I am.
A person I met about 2 weeks ago who knew nothing about me took that chance, and started talking to me, pretty much out of nowhere. And it means a ton that we talk so much now. I can only recall one instance where we talked about sex, and that was with people important to us. And it didn't last the entire conversation either.
Anyway... that's just where I'm at right now. My mind is kind of a bit rattled, but meh. That happens. Time to do schoolwork now...!
Thanks for reading this whoever did.