Rela-TV-ty
Well, I’ve finally decided to bite the bullet and return to grad school to finish my masterseses. Before becoming distracted enough to quit I was working on two separate theses: one on Theoretical Quantum Physics, and one on Poststructuralist Media Deconstruction. Now, I’ve come up with a solution--combine the two! What’s that smell? That’s right, a big ole steamin pile o’ theses.
Just brainstorming here, but I think I’m onto something revolutionary! Fingers crossed, but it could even send me following in the footsteps of some of the greats who’ve inspired me, like Theodore Kaczynski, or Russell Crowe in A Beautiful Mind. Or maybe even like that guy that Matt Damon played in Good Will Hunting. I can’t remember the character’s name, but you know the one... the wicked smart guy with more moles than the KGB.
I’d like to just bounce some ideas off of you that I believe will someday grow into what may become the Holy Grail of intellectual pursuit-the Universal Remote Theory of Everything...
My thesis will deal with where the two major schools meet.
Old School: I’ll be looking into Einstein’s Theory of RelaTVty, or what I’m thinking of calling my own Theory of Relatelevision. Consider how both time and space are traversed at the speed of fiber optics and satellite. Meanwhile reruns and previews take us backward and forward in the time/space continuum. And I’m not sure how it applies, but I’ve noticed that the E! Channel’s emcee is square.
New School: Many have rightly observed that TV is an intellectual SUCKHOLE, but beyond that it may actually provide the key to understanding Stephen Hawking’s Theory of Black Holes and Baby Universes. As people sit calm watching sit-coms, all energy and intellect are sucked down the vortex. With both TV and black holes all matter(s) inevitably become increasingly dense. Denser and denser still, all is eventually sucked into the idiotbox abyss.
I know there is still plenty of work to be done, but I’m willing to risk anything to see this through. In fact, against my better judgment, I’m off to Planet Hollywood for further research. Still have yet to find signs of intelligent life there...