As Young/Old as You Feel
They say you’re as old, or as young, as you feel. As usual, they don’t know shit.
I feel full of life, youth, vim and vigor, but the fact that I would use archaic words like vim and vigor just go to show that I am old. But when I want to really have fun with this I spout the urbanspeak, or the kidslang. The teens look askance; shake their heads and say, “No… Don’t…” I react innocently, in mock oblivion to the anachronism, “What? No? Is that not right? I shouldn’t say ‘Mad props up in dis muhfo, fo’ rizzle to MY nizzle fitty cent!’ ...No?”
In my mind, I am timeless. In reality, I am:
Older than Jack White, but younger than Jack Black
Younger than Ed Norton, but older than Norton antivirus
Older than Emma Watson, but younger than Emma Thompson
Younger than both Brad and Jen, but not together (but they’re not together anymore are they? He left her for a Jolie who’s younger than even me)
Older than most of my female friends, but younger than most of my male friends
Younger than Jennifer Lopez, but older than Jennifer Garner
(either way it’s Bennifer, right?)
Older than Aaron McGruder, but younger than Lalo Alcaraz
Younger than Bill Weasley, but older than Percy Weasley
Older than HHG2G, but younger than Dune
Younger than River Phoenix would be, but older than Joaquin Phoenix is now
Older than Yao Ming, but younger than the Ming Dynasty
I am younger than teh internets, but older than the average kid pwning it
I am younger than Beck Hansen, but older than the Hanson Brothers. Mmm. Bop.
So, young and old are relative terms. It really is a matter of perspective. And when I think about it, it is not in spite of, but because of the fact that I regularly hang out with people ranging from infancy to elderly, that I feel... not younger or older, but... alive.
Makes me think of this song by the Real Heroes