the one i hurt most, loves me most
I've always felt secondary. i've never felt like i was priority to anyone, i've never gotten first place. in canoeing and dragonboat i only achieved silvers and bronzes, never gold. in piano exams i never got distinctions, only merits. in primary school when i actually did try my best to score full marks for math (to beat my brother who got 100 for every.single.damn.exam), i never did. maybe that's why i gave up pushing for anything. anyone who's close enough to me knows i've always felt like my mom favors my brother over me. even amongst friends i feel insecure. i still feel secondary at this very moment, i feel secondary to people i care deeply about, i feel regret over never having been placed number one, i feel immense fear that i will never achieve first place any where in this lifetime. but i don't feel secondary to Jesus. to Jesus i am His priority, i am His child. even when i confide in Him the most trivial things, He won't look at me as if i were a petty 5 year old, He won't look at me with disinterest, He won't tell me that He has more important people and things to deal with; no problem, no worry is small enough for Him to ignore. He will never favor anyone over me, He will never turn me away, He will always love me with a heart more vast than the oceans, higher than the mountains, and greater in magnitude than you can ever imagine.