Heavy heart...
I haven't posted in awhile. Sometimes you just have to close up. Too much going on, or too little, or too many bad things, or... for whatever reason, I just close up. Then I find myself posting in my head.
I've just returned from a weekend in Atlanta. The Dark Daughter and I joined my sister and her family for a weekend of baseball. We saw the Dodgers beat the Braves last night, and the Braves beat the Dodgers today. It was a fantastic weekend, despite the 6 hour drive to and from Atlanta. And spending all that time with the Dark Daughter was beneficial, as I felt we bonded and I could talk to her, privately, when we got home.
Earlier in the week I found drugs in the possession of the Dark Daughter, after 4 months of promises and attempts to clean up her act. I am disappointed and I am afraid for her. But I told her tonight, after we got home, that I would not back up her attempts to get back into "regular" high school unless she quit using drugs. Period. I may have finally found something that made an impression. I could see it in her eyes. She wants to go back to school. If I don't back her, she won't. Period. So I gave her one more chance. Anything suspicious and I'll send her to the "bad kid" school, not "regular" school. She believed me. At least for now.
We'll see how this plays out.
My cancer is in check. The CT Scan two weeks ago revealed no new tumors. The open wound on my leg has finally closed, but I am going to a hyberbaric oxygen chamber every day for 2 hours in a final attempt to heal the rest of my leg, which is fragile and infected most of the time. The chamber is a nightmare for me. I have had 3 anxiety attacks in 7 visits, inside the chamber. Back again in the morning to try again. I haven't found that peaceful happy place to go to when I feel my chest start to close up inside the chamber. And it takes 10 minutes to get me out. A 10 minute anxiety attack is no picnic. But I've been through so much. I just can't let this beat me.
It's hard to be in that chamber with so many heavy thoughts.
I've just returned from a weekend in Atlanta. The Dark Daughter and I joined my sister and her family for a weekend of baseball. We saw the Dodgers beat the Braves last night, and the Braves beat the Dodgers today. It was a fantastic weekend, despite the 6 hour drive to and from Atlanta. And spending all that time with the Dark Daughter was beneficial, as I felt we bonded and I could talk to her, privately, when we got home.
Earlier in the week I found drugs in the possession of the Dark Daughter, after 4 months of promises and attempts to clean up her act. I am disappointed and I am afraid for her. But I told her tonight, after we got home, that I would not back up her attempts to get back into "regular" high school unless she quit using drugs. Period. I may have finally found something that made an impression. I could see it in her eyes. She wants to go back to school. If I don't back her, she won't. Period. So I gave her one more chance. Anything suspicious and I'll send her to the "bad kid" school, not "regular" school. She believed me. At least for now.
We'll see how this plays out.
My cancer is in check. The CT Scan two weeks ago revealed no new tumors. The open wound on my leg has finally closed, but I am going to a hyberbaric oxygen chamber every day for 2 hours in a final attempt to heal the rest of my leg, which is fragile and infected most of the time. The chamber is a nightmare for me. I have had 3 anxiety attacks in 7 visits, inside the chamber. Back again in the morning to try again. I haven't found that peaceful happy place to go to when I feel my chest start to close up inside the chamber. And it takes 10 minutes to get me out. A 10 minute anxiety attack is no picnic. But I've been through so much. I just can't let this beat me.
It's hard to be in that chamber with so many heavy thoughts.