Nobody Knows: Chapter 8
Title: Nobody Knows
Pairing(s): Yunho/Jaejoong, a.o.
Genre: Romance, Angst, Drama, Humor
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: Incest, Sexual content (involving minors for the first part!)
Length: 8/?
Beta'd by: daramjwi
Summary: In a broken family two brothers cling onto each other for affection, but when their childlike need for attention result in less and less innocent experiments, things go downhill fast. Struggling with jealousy, forbidden attraction and the desperate need to be loved, Yunho and Jaejoong keep forgetting about one thing: What would happen if someone found out?
---
Yunho could only just make out Jaejoong's dark blue coat, the early morning sky that was foggy and dark hiding him. Squatting down while running was not something Yunho was accustomed to and it took him a lot of effort to keep up with his older brother's fast pace. However, the adrenaline he felt was enough to push him forward. When his brother halted, he sped up, grabbing Jaejoong's arm as he looked in the same direction the other was.
There was a wired fence in front of them, the hill slumping down fast after it and, after that, half hidden behind the trees, a grass field with a shabby, desolated shed. In his mind it had been a lot more impressive.
"That's it?" he asked, turning to Jaejoong who gave him a shove before moving on. Getting through the fence was pretty easy; the hole Jaejoong and his friends had made was about twice the size he was, roughly the size Seunghyun was by now. One of the spikes tore the sleeve of his t-shirt, but he did not wait to inspect the damage, rushing after his brother, who was almost half way down to the shed by now.
"Who does it even belong to?" Yunho whispered when he reached him. Hiding his excitement was difficult, but he managed to keep his voice low.
"Dunno," Jaejoong replied. He drew out a pin and started unlocking the heavy padlock that was holding the doors together, with an expertise suggesting that this wasn't the first time he did that. "Seunghyun says it belongs to the old guy that lives up the road, but I have never seen him. Whoever it is must've completely forgotten about it though, because we've never gotten into trouble."
Yunho nodded, unable to get himself to keep up the conversation; he was too excited. Over the weeks he had heard many stories about the Harley Davidson, and now he was finally going to see it with his own eyes, maybe even take a ride on it.
The door opened, and as Yunho's heart started beating wildly Jaejoong went inside. He walked after him and entered the shed, needing a moment for his eyes to adjust and once they had, he squealed.
Rushing forward he started circling the motorcycle, crouching to check out the complicated internal structures, roaming his hands over the dark red painting and shiny chrome.
"Pretty, isn't she?" Jaejoong said, crouching down beside him.
He gave an incoherent reply, something between a ‘yes’ and a sigh.
"Should we take her outside?"
Yunho looked up, his eyes sparkling. "Let's!"
In the early morning sun the motorcycle looked even more breathtaking, the metal shimmering and the crimson streaking over the sides like dark flames, melting in black and silver. Yunho could only imagine what it'd be like to ride it on the highway, in between large trucks and cars, how awed his friends would be if they saw him proudly sitting in the saddle. In his mind's eye he was seeing himself seated on the vehicle, cruising through town and picking up his mother from the airport.
"You wanna go for a ride?"
Yunho looked up, trembling with excitement. "Can I?"
"On the back," Jaejoong replied, grinning. "With how hyper you are I'm not going to let you control the Monster; you'd get yourself killed."
"Good enough," Yunho said, and had already made way to launch himself on top of the motorcycle before Jaejoong pulled his ear and gestured him to help him roll it outside first.
By the time Yunho settled behind Jaejoong, his arms securely locked around the other's slender waist, he no longer knew if it was excitement or fear he felt. Maybe it was a bit of both. He exclaimed a strange squeaky noise when Jaejoong started the engine, the vehicle underneath him roaring like an angered animal. He clenched his brother's shirt tighter, and then yelped as the motorcycle shot forward.
Despite the shaky start, Yunho's heart beating so fast he was sure it would burst out of his chest soon, he slowly eased back down, and dared to open his eyes again. By the time Jaejoong started speeding up, he started to get into it. Yunho sat up straight, and cried out in joy when they rode around the shed and over the grass towards the trees. He almost released his brother's waist to put his hands in the air like on a roller coaster, before he realized that might not be the best idea and quickly settled back against his brother's back. With his cheek pressed against Jaejoong's billowing shirt he watched the scenery flit by, the sense of freedom and power overwhelming him. They could go where ever they wanted, disappear to never come back, and no one could stop them. He smiled broadly, and wrapped his arms around his brother even more tightly.
They didn't go far, but by the time the shed came back in sight Yunho felt on top of the world. He jumped off the motorcycle, almost tripping before he turned around and started spinning circles around his brother, shouting how awesome it was and how bad he wanted to go again.
But his brother wasn't looking at him.
He turned to where his brother’s eyes were staring, the pale, frightened expression on Jaejoong's face taking away some of his own enthusiasm. There, just in front of the shed, stood two men, one their mother's age, the other what could've been their grandparent's had they still been alive.
"Uh-oh," he said, clenching his brother's arm when the older of the two turned towards them. He heard the man shout something, saw him pointing at them and then Jaejoong's voice pulled him out of it.
"Run!"
As Jaejoong dropped the Harley on the ground and started running straight towards the fence, Yunho followed him in his footsteps. He could hear one of the men shouting after them, but he didn't dare to turn and see how close they were. He had no idea who those men were, but he could pretty much guess: the owners of that motorcycle. And they weren't happy.
"Quick," he heard Jaejoong pant, opening the hole in the fence so Yunho could crawl through before coming after him. They did not wait to see if the man followed them or not, but kept running, over the roots that stuck out of the forest ground and through leafless bushes. Yunho almost tripped, but Jaejoong caught him in time, urging him to move on. He had no idea where they were going and simply followed Jaejoong until the other halted suddenly.
It was pretty obvious they had gone the wrong way, from Jaejoong's panicked face he could tell. “Hyung,” he whined and looked over his shoulder.
"Up," Jaejoong decided. He rushed to a thick, nearby oak, linking his hands together so that Yunho could climb the tree. He did, immediately, and made sure he was secure before reaching out a hand and helping his older brother into the tree. They climbed as high as they could, but even then they were still full in sight. If anyone passing by would look up they would spot them straight away. "Shush," Jaejoong hissed, clasping his hands over Yunho's mouth to silence his wheezing breath when something cracked below them.
Yunho turned to look, took Jaejoong's hand and pulled it off his mouth so he could see. There was a patch of thinning grey hair visible through the greenery, then the contours of the younger man. Jaejoong pressed against him, and he could feel the other's heart pounding where his shoulder touched his chest.
"Fuck," the man below them cursed, turning to every side before kicking against a fallen branch. Yunho could feel his brother shiver, and clenched him tightly as he held his breath. He knew they were both thinking the same: if this man got his hands on them they were going to be in big trouble.
"Lost them," the man said to a person out of their sight.
"The petrol tank was almost empty... Something tells me this is not the first time those rascals took a ride."
"Brats, when I get my hands on them-"
Yunho didn't catch what would happen if the farmer got his hands on them; they disappeared out of hearing range shortly thereafter. For almost a full minute they waited, not daring to move, too afraid to make a noise or even breathe. Then Yunho slowly drew out a shaky puff of air. He heard Jaejoong chuckle, felt him press his nose against his shoulder, trembling all the while.
"That was close..." Yunho breathed, not even able to smile. He wondered if he had ever been this frightened before.
"Too close," Jaejoong agreed, and looked up at him, his eyes delightfully relieved, dark and tempting. Yunho had to retrain the urge to kiss him. "I guess this means no more rides," he whispered, "Too bad, I really liked that motorcycle."
"If I'm old and super rich I'll buy you one," Yunho promised.
"I'll make you keep that promise!" Jaejoong grinned broadly, and started on his way down.
---
That night was another one with just the two of them. Yunho had turned his classmate’s birthday party, and even Kangin’s invitation to Jeju, down; after their first night their experimenting proceeded fast, going a little further every time, and there was no way he was going to let anything interrupt the short time they had together, really together.
In the background he could hear the shower running, Jaejoong humming a song he didn't know, and he focused on the letter in front of him. It was from his dad, he could easily tell from the handwriting on the envelope, but he was reluctant to open it. In compliance with his mother's advice he had send his most recent, exceptionally good grades to the old man, and this was probably his reply. He took a deep breath, and opened the letter.
'To my beloved son,' the message started, as always. ‘I received your grades.’
Yunho skipped through the parts where his dad said he was proud of him, how he regretted that Yunho was not able to join him for holidays this summer and how he hoped he was having a good time with his friends, a lie Yunho had told him. The letter was like any other he had received, except for the ending.
Yunho frowned, reading the single 'p.s.' line three times over before he realized what it said. 'Have you ever considered becoming a doctor?'
A doctor? He had once imagined himself to be a fireman, then a pilot, and even a pokemon trainer for a short period of time, but a doctor had never crossed his mind. His dad was doing something like that, he knew that because his mom had told him, but he himself?
"Yunho, have you seen my toothbrush?" Jaejoong shouted from the bathroom, and Yunho folded the letter and stuffed in back into the envelope. It could wait until later.
"Just get a new one," he replied, standing up and going straight towards Jaejoong's bedroom. He stripped himself of his clothes, leaving his underwear, and settled in the other's bed without permission. He had slept in Jaejoong's bed for five nights straight, there was no reason to ask.
He stared at the ceiling, feeling a little gloomy that their mother would return tomorrow and he would have to sleep in his own bed again.
"Did you set the alarm clock?" Jaejoong asked, walking into the room with his hair still damp.
Yunho shook his head. He watched the other set the clock and dry his hair with a towel. Jaejoong's body was really different from his, despite them being almost the same height. You could see his collarbones clearly, poorly hidden underneath pale skin. When Jaejoong settled beside him and he started trailing his index finger over his shoulder the difference was exemplified. His hand was so dark compared Jaejoong's shoulder.
"What do you want to do?" Jaejoong whispered in question, his hands trailing over Yunho's hips, "It's the last night."
Yunho had taken charge so far, being the one with the fresh ideas, and he hadn't run out of them yet. But he wasn't sure what to do next. He knew what he wanted, a little too well, but he also knew what he was about to ask might go too far, even for Jaejoong, who hadn't seemed to mind anything so far.
He leaned in, bucking their hips together, grinding as he wrapped his arms around the light frame of his older brother. Like that they kissed, touched until he slowly he guided him on his stomach, pulling away Jaejoong's boxers before settling behind him. They had done this before, Yunho thrusting his erection against Jaejoong's cleft, the only thing in between them the fabric of his underwear. It was pleasurable, but nowhere near satisfying. He wanted more; he wanted to remove the obstructing underwear and feel skin against skin, to push inside.
"Hyung…" He breathed in Jaejoong's ear, ghosted his nose over his cheek before catching his lips. He slowly kept grinding, but didn't dare to speed up his tempo. He was already staining the inside of his boxers. "Do you want to go all the way?"
Jaejoong shifted underneath him, and strained to look him in the eyes. Yunho swallowed, nervous all of a sudden, and wished he hadn't asked so bluntly. Then Jaejoong nodded, with an almost shy uncertainty. "What should I do?"
Yunho drew a relieved breath, and then scratched behind his ear as he slid off Jaejoong. "Uhm." He hesitated. "I think it's best if you just lay on your stomach and I... I'll sit here like this." In the videos he had seen this had all went a whole lot smoother, and it certainly had looked a lot sexier. He hovered over Jaejoong who was clenching the pillow. The control he had previously loved so much seemed to be overwhelming now, and not in a good way. He was starting to feel clumsy again.
"What are you doing?" Jaejoong asked, while Yunho tried to get his softened penis to stand straight again. Thinking about what was about to happen appeared a turn-off; it was too nerve-wracking, so he thought about kissing Jaejoong instead. That helped.
"Okay, are you ready?" he asked, grateful his older brother wasn't able to see his face right now. Next time he should think of something sexier to say.
Jaejoong vocalized a sound to indicate he was, and Yunho saw his shoulder muscles flexing with tension. Not sure what to do about it he chose to simply ignore it, focusing fully on what he was about to do. With one hand pressed against the bed sheets and the other searched for the tiny, tiny entrance. He placed his erection against it, sweat pearling over his cheeks and trickling down his nose, but he had no hands left to wipe it away. Then he pushed forward.
His initial thought was that maybe he wasn't hard enough, because not even the tip of his penis wanted to go inside Jaejoong. He drew a deep breath, used more force, thrust his hips down and whimpered when an unexpected tightness closed around him. It hurt, unlike he had expected it to, but the pull was incredible, and he wasn't even all the way in. He braced to push in further until-
"Yunho-yah, stop! It hurts!"
For a moment a very selfish thought consumed him: He wanted to go on, feel more, to push further inside and release himself already. The need was incredible, and for a mere second he thought he actually was going to. Then his brother's strained, trembling voice got through to him and he pulled out immediately. The muffled cry Jaejoong uttered when he did was enough to make him lose all the arousal he had previously felt. The arousal that had almost drove him to hurt the one he cared most for.
"I'm so sorry," he said in a small voice, quickly getting off Jaejoong's back and nudging the other's side. "Hyung, are you okay?" He felt like crying.
Jaejoong's face was pale, his eyes watery, but when he turned to his side he still managed to wrap his arms around him and hug him with sincerity. "It's okay," he whispered, his voice uneven, "Maybe we did something wrong... We can try again another time." Even without him saying so Yunho could tell his brother was in pain, his face clouding when he but moved.
If Yunho was certain of one thing it was that he never, ever was going to try that again.
"Yunho-yah...?" When he looked up he saw Jaejoong look at him worried, and didn’t stop him when he leaned in to kiss him, slow and tenderly. His body was soothed, and eventually stopped trembling, but his heart didn't stop aching. He had hurt his brother, but worst of it all was that he had almost lost control and hurt him even more. He felt guilty, despite Jaejoong telling him it was fine and that he felt okay now. Guilty and scared. Scared of himself.
---
Previous || Next
Pairing(s): Yunho/Jaejoong, a.o.
Genre: Romance, Angst, Drama, Humor
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: Incest, Sexual content (involving minors for the first part!)
Length: 8/?
Beta'd by: daramjwi
Summary: In a broken family two brothers cling onto each other for affection, but when their childlike need for attention result in less and less innocent experiments, things go downhill fast. Struggling with jealousy, forbidden attraction and the desperate need to be loved, Yunho and Jaejoong keep forgetting about one thing: What would happen if someone found out?
---
Yunho could only just make out Jaejoong's dark blue coat, the early morning sky that was foggy and dark hiding him. Squatting down while running was not something Yunho was accustomed to and it took him a lot of effort to keep up with his older brother's fast pace. However, the adrenaline he felt was enough to push him forward. When his brother halted, he sped up, grabbing Jaejoong's arm as he looked in the same direction the other was.
There was a wired fence in front of them, the hill slumping down fast after it and, after that, half hidden behind the trees, a grass field with a shabby, desolated shed. In his mind it had been a lot more impressive.
"That's it?" he asked, turning to Jaejoong who gave him a shove before moving on. Getting through the fence was pretty easy; the hole Jaejoong and his friends had made was about twice the size he was, roughly the size Seunghyun was by now. One of the spikes tore the sleeve of his t-shirt, but he did not wait to inspect the damage, rushing after his brother, who was almost half way down to the shed by now.
"Who does it even belong to?" Yunho whispered when he reached him. Hiding his excitement was difficult, but he managed to keep his voice low.
"Dunno," Jaejoong replied. He drew out a pin and started unlocking the heavy padlock that was holding the doors together, with an expertise suggesting that this wasn't the first time he did that. "Seunghyun says it belongs to the old guy that lives up the road, but I have never seen him. Whoever it is must've completely forgotten about it though, because we've never gotten into trouble."
Yunho nodded, unable to get himself to keep up the conversation; he was too excited. Over the weeks he had heard many stories about the Harley Davidson, and now he was finally going to see it with his own eyes, maybe even take a ride on it.
The door opened, and as Yunho's heart started beating wildly Jaejoong went inside. He walked after him and entered the shed, needing a moment for his eyes to adjust and once they had, he squealed.
Rushing forward he started circling the motorcycle, crouching to check out the complicated internal structures, roaming his hands over the dark red painting and shiny chrome.
"Pretty, isn't she?" Jaejoong said, crouching down beside him.
He gave an incoherent reply, something between a ‘yes’ and a sigh.
"Should we take her outside?"
Yunho looked up, his eyes sparkling. "Let's!"
In the early morning sun the motorcycle looked even more breathtaking, the metal shimmering and the crimson streaking over the sides like dark flames, melting in black and silver. Yunho could only imagine what it'd be like to ride it on the highway, in between large trucks and cars, how awed his friends would be if they saw him proudly sitting in the saddle. In his mind's eye he was seeing himself seated on the vehicle, cruising through town and picking up his mother from the airport.
"You wanna go for a ride?"
Yunho looked up, trembling with excitement. "Can I?"
"On the back," Jaejoong replied, grinning. "With how hyper you are I'm not going to let you control the Monster; you'd get yourself killed."
"Good enough," Yunho said, and had already made way to launch himself on top of the motorcycle before Jaejoong pulled his ear and gestured him to help him roll it outside first.
By the time Yunho settled behind Jaejoong, his arms securely locked around the other's slender waist, he no longer knew if it was excitement or fear he felt. Maybe it was a bit of both. He exclaimed a strange squeaky noise when Jaejoong started the engine, the vehicle underneath him roaring like an angered animal. He clenched his brother's shirt tighter, and then yelped as the motorcycle shot forward.
Despite the shaky start, Yunho's heart beating so fast he was sure it would burst out of his chest soon, he slowly eased back down, and dared to open his eyes again. By the time Jaejoong started speeding up, he started to get into it. Yunho sat up straight, and cried out in joy when they rode around the shed and over the grass towards the trees. He almost released his brother's waist to put his hands in the air like on a roller coaster, before he realized that might not be the best idea and quickly settled back against his brother's back. With his cheek pressed against Jaejoong's billowing shirt he watched the scenery flit by, the sense of freedom and power overwhelming him. They could go where ever they wanted, disappear to never come back, and no one could stop them. He smiled broadly, and wrapped his arms around his brother even more tightly.
They didn't go far, but by the time the shed came back in sight Yunho felt on top of the world. He jumped off the motorcycle, almost tripping before he turned around and started spinning circles around his brother, shouting how awesome it was and how bad he wanted to go again.
But his brother wasn't looking at him.
He turned to where his brother’s eyes were staring, the pale, frightened expression on Jaejoong's face taking away some of his own enthusiasm. There, just in front of the shed, stood two men, one their mother's age, the other what could've been their grandparent's had they still been alive.
"Uh-oh," he said, clenching his brother's arm when the older of the two turned towards them. He heard the man shout something, saw him pointing at them and then Jaejoong's voice pulled him out of it.
"Run!"
As Jaejoong dropped the Harley on the ground and started running straight towards the fence, Yunho followed him in his footsteps. He could hear one of the men shouting after them, but he didn't dare to turn and see how close they were. He had no idea who those men were, but he could pretty much guess: the owners of that motorcycle. And they weren't happy.
"Quick," he heard Jaejoong pant, opening the hole in the fence so Yunho could crawl through before coming after him. They did not wait to see if the man followed them or not, but kept running, over the roots that stuck out of the forest ground and through leafless bushes. Yunho almost tripped, but Jaejoong caught him in time, urging him to move on. He had no idea where they were going and simply followed Jaejoong until the other halted suddenly.
It was pretty obvious they had gone the wrong way, from Jaejoong's panicked face he could tell. “Hyung,” he whined and looked over his shoulder.
"Up," Jaejoong decided. He rushed to a thick, nearby oak, linking his hands together so that Yunho could climb the tree. He did, immediately, and made sure he was secure before reaching out a hand and helping his older brother into the tree. They climbed as high as they could, but even then they were still full in sight. If anyone passing by would look up they would spot them straight away. "Shush," Jaejoong hissed, clasping his hands over Yunho's mouth to silence his wheezing breath when something cracked below them.
Yunho turned to look, took Jaejoong's hand and pulled it off his mouth so he could see. There was a patch of thinning grey hair visible through the greenery, then the contours of the younger man. Jaejoong pressed against him, and he could feel the other's heart pounding where his shoulder touched his chest.
"Fuck," the man below them cursed, turning to every side before kicking against a fallen branch. Yunho could feel his brother shiver, and clenched him tightly as he held his breath. He knew they were both thinking the same: if this man got his hands on them they were going to be in big trouble.
"Lost them," the man said to a person out of their sight.
"The petrol tank was almost empty... Something tells me this is not the first time those rascals took a ride."
"Brats, when I get my hands on them-"
Yunho didn't catch what would happen if the farmer got his hands on them; they disappeared out of hearing range shortly thereafter. For almost a full minute they waited, not daring to move, too afraid to make a noise or even breathe. Then Yunho slowly drew out a shaky puff of air. He heard Jaejoong chuckle, felt him press his nose against his shoulder, trembling all the while.
"That was close..." Yunho breathed, not even able to smile. He wondered if he had ever been this frightened before.
"Too close," Jaejoong agreed, and looked up at him, his eyes delightfully relieved, dark and tempting. Yunho had to retrain the urge to kiss him. "I guess this means no more rides," he whispered, "Too bad, I really liked that motorcycle."
"If I'm old and super rich I'll buy you one," Yunho promised.
"I'll make you keep that promise!" Jaejoong grinned broadly, and started on his way down.
---
That night was another one with just the two of them. Yunho had turned his classmate’s birthday party, and even Kangin’s invitation to Jeju, down; after their first night their experimenting proceeded fast, going a little further every time, and there was no way he was going to let anything interrupt the short time they had together, really together.
In the background he could hear the shower running, Jaejoong humming a song he didn't know, and he focused on the letter in front of him. It was from his dad, he could easily tell from the handwriting on the envelope, but he was reluctant to open it. In compliance with his mother's advice he had send his most recent, exceptionally good grades to the old man, and this was probably his reply. He took a deep breath, and opened the letter.
'To my beloved son,' the message started, as always. ‘I received your grades.’
Yunho skipped through the parts where his dad said he was proud of him, how he regretted that Yunho was not able to join him for holidays this summer and how he hoped he was having a good time with his friends, a lie Yunho had told him. The letter was like any other he had received, except for the ending.
Yunho frowned, reading the single 'p.s.' line three times over before he realized what it said. 'Have you ever considered becoming a doctor?'
A doctor? He had once imagined himself to be a fireman, then a pilot, and even a pokemon trainer for a short period of time, but a doctor had never crossed his mind. His dad was doing something like that, he knew that because his mom had told him, but he himself?
"Yunho, have you seen my toothbrush?" Jaejoong shouted from the bathroom, and Yunho folded the letter and stuffed in back into the envelope. It could wait until later.
"Just get a new one," he replied, standing up and going straight towards Jaejoong's bedroom. He stripped himself of his clothes, leaving his underwear, and settled in the other's bed without permission. He had slept in Jaejoong's bed for five nights straight, there was no reason to ask.
He stared at the ceiling, feeling a little gloomy that their mother would return tomorrow and he would have to sleep in his own bed again.
"Did you set the alarm clock?" Jaejoong asked, walking into the room with his hair still damp.
Yunho shook his head. He watched the other set the clock and dry his hair with a towel. Jaejoong's body was really different from his, despite them being almost the same height. You could see his collarbones clearly, poorly hidden underneath pale skin. When Jaejoong settled beside him and he started trailing his index finger over his shoulder the difference was exemplified. His hand was so dark compared Jaejoong's shoulder.
"What do you want to do?" Jaejoong whispered in question, his hands trailing over Yunho's hips, "It's the last night."
Yunho had taken charge so far, being the one with the fresh ideas, and he hadn't run out of them yet. But he wasn't sure what to do next. He knew what he wanted, a little too well, but he also knew what he was about to ask might go too far, even for Jaejoong, who hadn't seemed to mind anything so far.
He leaned in, bucking their hips together, grinding as he wrapped his arms around the light frame of his older brother. Like that they kissed, touched until he slowly he guided him on his stomach, pulling away Jaejoong's boxers before settling behind him. They had done this before, Yunho thrusting his erection against Jaejoong's cleft, the only thing in between them the fabric of his underwear. It was pleasurable, but nowhere near satisfying. He wanted more; he wanted to remove the obstructing underwear and feel skin against skin, to push inside.
"Hyung…" He breathed in Jaejoong's ear, ghosted his nose over his cheek before catching his lips. He slowly kept grinding, but didn't dare to speed up his tempo. He was already staining the inside of his boxers. "Do you want to go all the way?"
Jaejoong shifted underneath him, and strained to look him in the eyes. Yunho swallowed, nervous all of a sudden, and wished he hadn't asked so bluntly. Then Jaejoong nodded, with an almost shy uncertainty. "What should I do?"
Yunho drew a relieved breath, and then scratched behind his ear as he slid off Jaejoong. "Uhm." He hesitated. "I think it's best if you just lay on your stomach and I... I'll sit here like this." In the videos he had seen this had all went a whole lot smoother, and it certainly had looked a lot sexier. He hovered over Jaejoong who was clenching the pillow. The control he had previously loved so much seemed to be overwhelming now, and not in a good way. He was starting to feel clumsy again.
"What are you doing?" Jaejoong asked, while Yunho tried to get his softened penis to stand straight again. Thinking about what was about to happen appeared a turn-off; it was too nerve-wracking, so he thought about kissing Jaejoong instead. That helped.
"Okay, are you ready?" he asked, grateful his older brother wasn't able to see his face right now. Next time he should think of something sexier to say.
Jaejoong vocalized a sound to indicate he was, and Yunho saw his shoulder muscles flexing with tension. Not sure what to do about it he chose to simply ignore it, focusing fully on what he was about to do. With one hand pressed against the bed sheets and the other searched for the tiny, tiny entrance. He placed his erection against it, sweat pearling over his cheeks and trickling down his nose, but he had no hands left to wipe it away. Then he pushed forward.
His initial thought was that maybe he wasn't hard enough, because not even the tip of his penis wanted to go inside Jaejoong. He drew a deep breath, used more force, thrust his hips down and whimpered when an unexpected tightness closed around him. It hurt, unlike he had expected it to, but the pull was incredible, and he wasn't even all the way in. He braced to push in further until-
"Yunho-yah, stop! It hurts!"
For a moment a very selfish thought consumed him: He wanted to go on, feel more, to push further inside and release himself already. The need was incredible, and for a mere second he thought he actually was going to. Then his brother's strained, trembling voice got through to him and he pulled out immediately. The muffled cry Jaejoong uttered when he did was enough to make him lose all the arousal he had previously felt. The arousal that had almost drove him to hurt the one he cared most for.
"I'm so sorry," he said in a small voice, quickly getting off Jaejoong's back and nudging the other's side. "Hyung, are you okay?" He felt like crying.
Jaejoong's face was pale, his eyes watery, but when he turned to his side he still managed to wrap his arms around him and hug him with sincerity. "It's okay," he whispered, his voice uneven, "Maybe we did something wrong... We can try again another time." Even without him saying so Yunho could tell his brother was in pain, his face clouding when he but moved.
If Yunho was certain of one thing it was that he never, ever was going to try that again.
"Yunho-yah...?" When he looked up he saw Jaejoong look at him worried, and didn’t stop him when he leaned in to kiss him, slow and tenderly. His body was soothed, and eventually stopped trembling, but his heart didn't stop aching. He had hurt his brother, but worst of it all was that he had almost lost control and hurt him even more. He felt guilty, despite Jaejoong telling him it was fine and that he felt okay now. Guilty and scared. Scared of himself.
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