How I've always interpreted the Sirius/Remus joint birthday present
"Hey, Sirius."
"Remus! Long time no see. How are things?"
"Oh, you know. I lost my job at Hogwarts."
"Bad luck, man. How come?"
"Turns out Lucius Malfoy doesn't like his precious darling being taught by a werewolf."
"Damn, who'd have thought it?"
"Yeah. Guess I should have gone for that PGCE after all. So anyway, I'm mostly sitting at home moping about how much I hate being a werewolf. You know, really honing my brooding skills. How about you?"
"Oh, the usual - on the run from the Ministry, the Muggle police and the Death Eaters, holing up by day, moving only by night, in dog form most of the time, my face on "Wanted" posters everywhere I look. You know the drill. Speaking of which, we'll have to keep this short. Buckbeak says hi, by the way."
"Keeping well, then?"
"Yeah, I've had worse."
"Anyway, Sirius... you know it's Harry's birthday soon, right?"
"Yeeeesss...."
"And you know he's really fond of you, and his stepparents will probably give him a used matchstick for his birthday if they give him anything at all, or maybe a really big extra cleaning rota..."
"Yeeeesss...."
"So, what were you going to get him as a present?"
"Remus. While I, too, am very fond of Harry, I am a wanted criminal in two different worlds. I am being constantly scanned for by every known magical and technological means. I can't exactly walk into sodding Boots and buy him something!"
"....joint birthday present?"
"Good man, Remus."
"Remus! Long time no see. How are things?"
"Oh, you know. I lost my job at Hogwarts."
"Bad luck, man. How come?"
"Turns out Lucius Malfoy doesn't like his precious darling being taught by a werewolf."
"Damn, who'd have thought it?"
"Yeah. Guess I should have gone for that PGCE after all. So anyway, I'm mostly sitting at home moping about how much I hate being a werewolf. You know, really honing my brooding skills. How about you?"
"Oh, the usual - on the run from the Ministry, the Muggle police and the Death Eaters, holing up by day, moving only by night, in dog form most of the time, my face on "Wanted" posters everywhere I look. You know the drill. Speaking of which, we'll have to keep this short. Buckbeak says hi, by the way."
"Keeping well, then?"
"Yeah, I've had worse."
"Anyway, Sirius... you know it's Harry's birthday soon, right?"
"Yeeeesss...."
"And you know he's really fond of you, and his stepparents will probably give him a used matchstick for his birthday if they give him anything at all, or maybe a really big extra cleaning rota..."
"Yeeeesss...."
"So, what were you going to get him as a present?"
"Remus. While I, too, am very fond of Harry, I am a wanted criminal in two different worlds. I am being constantly scanned for by every known magical and technological means. I can't exactly walk into sodding Boots and buy him something!"
"....joint birthday present?"
"Good man, Remus."