I predict a riot

[pozorvlak]

Judging by the policing of the G20 protests in April (the ominously-named Operation Glencoe), current Met crowd-control doctrine is as follows:

• Illegally detain ("kettle") thousands of peaceful protestors for hours without food, water or toilet facilities.
• Prevent journalists from taking photographs inside the kettle.
• Carefully allow a few windows to be smashed. Ensure that this is filmed, so the news reports are full of footage of "violent anarchists smashing stuff".
• Send agents provocateurs into the kettle, to encourage the protestors to turn violent.
• When the protestors finally get sick of the heat, confinement, stink of urine, etc, and start listening to the agents provocateurs, go in heavy with the plastic bullets and baton charges.
• Brief the press about how you were only responding to violence from the protestors, carefully omitting to mention how you orchestrated same in the first place.
• If you happen to kill any innocent bystanders, lie about it for as long as possible.

In the wake of the death of Ian Tomlinson, this may be about to change. But in the meantime, what's a protestor to do? As always, it pays to be prepared: if you're going to a protest, expect to be detained for several hours, and take along some sandwiches and a couple of litres of water. But toilet provision takes a bit more forethought, and may actually make more difference to maintaining morale.

The low-tech solution is as follows:

• Before the protest, buy two or three 2L bottles of ultra-cheap fizzy drinks, for about 20p each.
• Drain away (or, if you prefer, drink) the contents.
• Expel all the air, screw the tops back on, and stuff in your rucksack.
• When you get kettled, you'll be able to provide somewhere convenient to urinate for approximately four people per bottle.

If enough people do this, the problem is solved. But it has several disadvantages, chief of which is the requirement for forethought. A better solution would have higher capacity when full and lower bulk when empty, be easier for women to use, be emblazoned with some cheerful anti-establishment slogan ("Bog off, coppers"?), and (and this is the reason for the "business plans" tag) be available to buy from street stalls near the start of the protest. Now, I don't think there's much chance of anyone shelling out cold hard cash for an empty lemonade bottle: does anyone have any suggestions for how to make something better?